Condolences

Lori, My heart aches for you! I wish I lived closer so I could wrap my arms around you and we could cry together. I miss the sound of his voice, his wonderful laugh, that twinkle in his big brown eyes and that wonderful smile. Most of all I miss his big tight Hugs and I know you do too. I find myself having a "JB" moment almost everyday and I can just hear him saying "It's OK Gramma, I am in a wonderful place, and I don't hurt anymore." I know we will always miss him, but I am so thankful we were able to have him with us for the years we did. We have many volumes of memories and several albums of pictures we can share in the future. You can be proud of the great job you did raising a son everyone loved and respected. His love for the Lord shined through everything he did even when things really got tough for him. His never ending love for Emily was rewarded by his ability to applaud when they were introduced as Mr. & Mrs. Jeremy Burrows. "God is Good". I know Emily is missing him terribly and I know you will be seeing more of her as her healing progresses. I don't think she realizes how much you miss her! We have grown to love her as well and hope even though she will move on in her life she will always remain a part of ours. I wish I had your ability to put into words a lot of things I would like to say to you for comfort! Just know how much I love you and pray that God will help all of us through the hard days ahead. I am always here if you need me....Love Mom Mom on January 15, 2007

Hi Lori!
I'm a good friend of the Penninger family -- I just want to tell you my prayers continue to be with you. The holidays are hard. I continue to have moments. I lost my dad 18 months ago. Your grief journey is one day at a time. Every person does the very best they can with what they have at the moment. I was blessed to have some home videos of my daughters when they were little (I lost my dad to Alzheimer's) and so we watched those videos for the first time since dad passed away this Christmas... They are a treasure to have but it was very hard -- I do not know and I will never know what it feels like to lose a child but the stages of grief are cyclical -- be patient with yourself... You have my prayers and thoughts... God bless you on your journey. You are a courageous woman and your son was a courageous man. Jan on January 1, 2007

Lori, I want you to know how much I look up to you for your strength. You're truly amazing and a real blessing..... I love you.
Kylie on November 22, 2006

Hi Lori, I just read your last post. I believe that being strong has nothing to do with crying...crying does not make you a weak person. Grief brings many emotions and it takes strength to let yourself feel those emotions. So when the moment hits, it hits...don't stop it, let yourself feel the pain, sadness and even anger. It's those moments that are the most healing (even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment). Don't expect that in a few months time life will be normal again (in the sense that things will return to the way they were before JB got sick), because losing him changed your life forever, so of course you won't have the sameness as before...but you will have a sense of normalcy again one day...in time. And until then, all you can expect of yourself is to feel what you feel and take the time to grieve. There is no "normal" grief process exactly...everyone grieves differently and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that!
Loralei LaVoie on October 2, 2006

PS LORI CAN YOU SEND ME YOUR PHONE # SO I CAN CALL YOU..DONNA DONNAJ3711@AOL.COM on September 30, 2006

HI LORI...THIS IS DONNA. JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT ANYTIME YOU NEED AN EAR AND WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE IM ALWAYS HERE. I LOST MY FIRST HUSBAND YEARS AGO AND I CAN STILL FEEL THE PAIN OF IT. SO I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU ARE HURTING RIGHT NOW. PLEASE EMAIL ME ANYTIME YOU WISH AND I WILL RESPOND ASAP. I CHECK MY EMAIL EVERY DAY UNLESS WE ARE OUT OF TOWN. WHICH AINT OFTEN. WE ARE GOING TO VEGAS IN NOV. MARVIN IS WORRIED ABOUT US GOING BECAUSE I NOW HAVE A SCOOTER TO RIDE ON. HE IS AFRAID THAT SOMETHING WILL HAPPENED TO THE SCOOTER. AINT THAT A HOOT. HIS NOT WORRIED ABOUT ME BUT THE SCOOTER.LOL. PLEASE LORI WRITE TO ME IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FRM YOU.........DONNA
DONNAJ3711@AOL.COM on September 30, 2006

Lori, I am glad to hear that your trip went well. You needed a break away from everything more then anyone that I could possibly think of. My heart is aching and hurting for you so very much right now...I am in tears as I type this to you. Reading that last post after getting back just broke me into tears. I can not imagine how hard this much be for you, especially me being a mother myself. I wish so much that I could do something for you to ease your pain. I wish I could take all of this hurt away from you but I can't ... I know that God can help you through all of this. One of those ways is having people that love the Lord and that love you to be there to comfort you, to listen to the things that you might need to say... or some times, not to say anything at all. I wish that we could have met before JB went home, but you are such a wonderful person that I just can not wait to get to know better. My prayers are with you always. You're my sister in Christ and I love you very much. ((Emili does too : ) p.s. I pray every night for you to be able to get a muchly rested nights sleep, that can not be an easy task by any means.. Lord please help Lori to sleep well tonight as well as every night to come, help her heart to heal.. please help to mend it day by day. In your precious name, Amen. -Good night.
Toni Smits on September 2, 2006

I'm so sorry for your loss... JB was definitely one of the most amazing people I've ever met. I've known him since we went to Wilsonville Primary together... You guys moved to Newberg at about the same time that my family moved there as well. JB and I went to school together all the way through high school... I would have left a comment sooner but I hadn't been able to bring myself to read about his journey until now... I'm in tears as I write this... He was such a good person and he will be missed by all the people he touched in his life. He was so strong and so brave to have gone through all of this. But he wasn't the only strong one...
Lori, I read all the entries you wrote and felt your pain along the way (although I'm sure what I felt was only a fraction of what you felt, being his mom and everything)... You have been so strong and I know it's hard right now and your heart is hurting and crying for him but someday the pain will subside and hurt less. If I could hug you, I would... I know it's something you probably need although I'm sure it would be the most comforting coming from JB.

Emily, I didn't know you (although I recognize you from school) but I feel for you and all you have been through. You are one of the strongest people I've heard of; you stayed by his side through all of this and that takes a lot. You put aside your fears and grief so you could smile on your wedding day and try to enjoy the moment... that takes a strong person to do that. You are such an amazing woman; I'm glad JB had you in his life. Rest in peace JB... you will be missed terribly :( Fayth on August 29, 2006

Rest in peace JB... you will be missed terribly :( Fayth on August 29, 2006

Lori,
I just saw the beautiful wedding pictures of Emily and JB. All the colors are just beautiful and just sitting here at my computer, I could feel all the love and support that you, Emily and JB had on their wedding day. May God bless you, Lori. Love, Margaret Trammell margaret trammell on August 26, 2006

Lori, I am the woman you came over to talk to at the Lucky Fortune on Tuesday, August 1. You said you felt compelled to talk to me after hearing our conversation about my stem cell transplant. I told you I would pray for JB, and I can tell you I did so dozens of times a day as the Lord brought him to my mind. My prayers for JB were at first for healing. By Friday afternoon I knew that he and Emily were getting married on Saturday, and I felt directed to pray that JB would live long enough to fulfill his dream. Even though I never met JB, his life touched mine in such a profound way, that I will never be able to understand, and I will always be a different person because of it. No, I did not know JB personally, but what a privilege it was to pray for him personally. My prayers will continue for you and your family as you walk down this path of grief and loss of your beautiful son.
Mary Ann Ritter on August 15, 2006

The service was beautiful! So full of people that really loved JB (and the family) and will miss him. I was especially touched by Emily's father and the words he said about giving his daughter to J.B.
It is my opinion that without marrying Emily JB's life would not have been complete. I can understand how, Lori, the thoughts of protecting your son may have guided you to second guess taking him to the church - but it was his destiny and you only helped him to fulfill it.... as any great mother would!!!

He had a life filled with planting seeds (I really LOVED that part); which I didn't know so much about. Finding out only caused more grief for what the world has lost - and more excitement for what heaven has gained. What a glorious testimony he left us! Willow Muhr (Brandon & Brit Geistlinger's Mom) on August 13, 2006

To All the family and extended families of JB and especially Emily -
I did not know your dear sweet JB, except through his friend, Bryan Penninger. He touched many many people's lives through his faith and witness. No words can take the pain and loss of separation you are all feeling right now. What an awesome courageous man he was!!! Thank you for sharing so publicly your fight, triumphs and sorrows. I'm sure JB heard the words we all long to hear, "Well done, my good and faithful servant" from our Lord and Savior. Our prayers go out to you all. God Bless and know the rest of the community grieves your loss as well. Be patient with yourselves and take the time you need each step of the way. Jan, Steve, Kels & Ash on August 12, 2006

Oh, and I also wanted to thank you so much for posting and sharing that wonderful video...it is so beautiful...
Thanks for sharing! msj

Anonymous on August 11, 2006
I agree...don't EVER think that you didn't do the right thing...this is what he wanted. And I'm so glad that we all had the chance to share in the JOY of this wonderful Blessing...
I found a great quote from the article in the paper...in his own words...

“It probably takes more than I have right now, but it doesn’t stop me from trying,”

I think that says it all... Anonymous on August 10, 2006