JB passed away Saturday August 5th, 2006 - Just a few weeks before his 21st Birthday, and 2 hours after he married his childhood sweetheart Emily Cook.
He had Non-Hodgkins T-cell Lymphoma. He was first diagnosed in Oct of 2004, and was treated at Doernbecher's Children's Hospital in Portland Oregon
__________________AUG 21,1985 - AUG 5, 2006____________________
Sometimes, no matter how much faith we have, we lose people.
But you never forget them. And sometimes,
its those memories that give us faith to go on.
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Tuesday August 4, 2009: Tomorrow is JB's 3rd anniversary in heaven. He is missed so much. Not one day goes by that I don't think of him, and miss his beautiful smile, and those big brown eyes. I get great joy out of showing his bug in the local VW events. It is so fun to drive, and makes me feel close to him. JB would be proud of the way his bug has turned out. I am still working at Avamere in Newberg. It is an assisted living facility, and I am the director of business services there. I love the job, and the residents. Nick is still living at home and getting started into college again. He has decided to be a medical/xray technition. I don't see or hear from Emily, but hear that she and her boyfriend bought a house this year, and she has a new job now at the new Hotel in Newberg. I wish her all the best, and am glad she is doing well.
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Tuesday May 19th, 2009: Hello to you all! It has been a while. I have been busy with my job at Avamere. I have been the director of business services for over a year now. I was going to move into another position, but decided I like what I am doing. I have learned alot this last year. Pat and Nick are doing fine. Nick has been in and out of college. He has decided to be a nurse, and will start school again in the fall. I will put JB's bug in It's 2nd annual car show on May 30th in Woodburn at the Woodburn Drag Strip.It is an annual VW event. Come and see us! I hear that Emily is doing well. She has been with Cory for a couple years now and they have bought a house in Dundee. I hear she is happy, and that is what matters most. I always wish her the best. We run into each other now and then. I always enjoy seeing her. One of JB's best and dearest friends Gwen Pilcher is getting married in July. JB if here, would be so happy for her and Ian. I will try to write again soon. I heard from several of JB's friends on Mother's Day, and that meant alot to me. I miss JB so much. I miss his laughter, his big brown eyes, and his wonderful since of humor. Love Lori
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TO START READING JB'S STORY FROM THE BEGINNING SCROLL DOWN TO: Week of Oct 10th: JB started Bible college. Somehow some of the log has been duplicated, but I am afraid to lose it so I will leave it alone. That is why I am letting you know where to start reading.
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Monday January 12th 2009: Happy New Year to you all! I made it thru another hard holiday season. But it was easier then the last couple. I am just working, and waiting for sunny weather so I can drive the bug again. I am moving into a new position at work with a pay raise and doing something I really enjoy. I will be the Director of Community Relations at Avamere where I am now. It will be less stress I hope. I had a fun weekend in Seaside with my cousins from Eugene. We are all getting together again in Feb for the seafood and wine festival in Newport. I don't drink so I am the driver for the gals. We will be staying in Lincoln City. It is fun even when you don't drink. Love to you all! Lori
December 10, 2008: Happy Holidays to you all! I finally got my decorations out and put up. It is still very hard to handle the holidays. I miss JB so much. Not much new going on in my world. I am working like crazy at Avamere. My job is so busy that the days fly by. Nick is still with me and going to school and working. He is doing well. We added my dad and step moms poodle Kaandy to our family a few weeks back when my step mom passed away. She is doing well and adjusting. Of course Tessa is beside herself. She thinks she is top dog, and wants all the attention. We are heading down to Eugene for Christmas. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all!
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Sat November 1st: Wow! The holidays are just around the corner. I think I will be a little more into Christmas then I have been the last few years. It is so hard to be without JB at the family events. We talk about him, and that is good for us all! I am making my presents this year. I enjoy my crafty creations. Hope to hear from you all! Lori
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Wed October 15th, 2008: My step mom lost her battle with cancer a few short hours ago. She started her fight with breast cancer several years ago. My dad passed away from a heart attack the year before JB passed away. My dad and step mom were married for 24 years before he passed away. They married my senior year in high school in 1980.
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October 7, 2008: Hello to you all. I am still really liking my new job at Avamere. It is very very busy, but rewarding. Nick has started back to school at Chemeketa. He goes two days a week, and is working. Him and Pat will move in the next 6 months I believe. It has helped us all to be together in the same house this last year or so, and to heal and hurt together, but it is hard to have the ex living with me after 10 years of being single and divorced. We get along most of the time, but have our moments. I am looking for a part time job to keep me busy. I went on a cruise to Seaside in the bug with Rose City Volksters back in September. It was fun. We drove right out on the beach. I will try to upload some photos. I hope you all have a happy and safe Halloween.
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Thursday August 21st. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEREMY! I so wish I could hold you in my arms today and wish you a happy 23rd birthday. Just a few short weeks ago was your 2nd birthday in heaven. It hardly seems real to me at times. I miss your laugh, your smile, your sense of humor, your grumpy days, your happy days. I miss so many things about you, but I miss your hugs the most, and saying I love you. I still struggle with my belief in god since you've been gone. I know if there is a heaven, that you are there. It will take many many years for the pain to soften, and for my heart to mend. I will always miss you, and will always smile wihen I think of my big brown eyed boy! I love you, and miss you!
Holly and I took flowers out of her yard up to the cemetery today for JB's birthday! This year is easier then last for sure. It is hard because I miss all the gang. Scott, Kris, Gwen, Emily..... and all the rest of you too. I would love to hear from you all. I miss you guys. Love to you all! Lori
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Saturday August 2nd, 2008: It seems like just yesterday to me, but it will be 2 years on Tuesday since I lost my wonderful, funny, cute, and loving Jeremy. I have decided life does go on, and I will survive this nightmare. Some things have gotten better. It seemed like all I did for over a year was cry and cry and cry. I couldn't wait to get home from work so I could let down my guard and cry. I have gotten past that to some extent. I still cry, but not like I used too. I never know what will set me off, and find myself in tears at very odd times. I can never explain the emotions and pain of losing a child, and the ups and downs of everyday life that seem to be so hard to get thru at times. I dread holidays, birthdays, family reunions, and events that JB spent with us in the past. I know that is wrong, but it seems so wrong to me that he is not with us. I find myself feeling sad at the thought of not seeing JB raise his children, and feel cheated that I won't experience being a grandma to his children. I am sure Nick is feeling the pressure to pick up the slack. He is having his own struggles with all of this. He trys to hide it, but I know he is hurting. It has changed all of our lives, and we will continue to heal and mend our broken hearts. I wanted to be at church tomorrow in memory of JB, but there is a big bug event at PIR. We are putting the bug in the car show. I know JB would be proud. It makes me proud to share his story and to show it. There are only a couple events of this type each year. I was missing him today horribly, and just got in the bug and drove up to the cemetery. That always make me feel better, and closer to him. It is a way for me to release my sorrow and pain and to feel close to my son. I don't always just go to the cemetery. I drive it as much as I can. It makes people smile, and I laugh everytime I see kids and adults turn around and slug the person next to them. "SLUG BUG" they say as the land the punch. When Scott and I drove the bug in the parade last year he said, "wow...we are bringing out the worst in people".... we laughed as we witnessed many people slugging one another as we went past. I'm heading to bed, so I can get up early and drive the bug to Portland International Speedway to join all the other crazy VW fans. It is a fun to see some of the crazy things people do. At Woodburn there was a bug that looked like a chia pet. I will have to download the photos this week. So come back and check out the bug show pics soon. Love to you all! Lori
Wed July 16th, 2008: We had great fun at the Relay for Life event this year. Thank you to Trina and Holly and all of you who walked the track in memory and honor of our loved ones. I have missed JB so much the last few weeks. I always miss him, but have been more emotional about it lately. I think it is the upcoming 2 year anniversary that is weighing on my mind. My life is so quiet. I miss the kids, the laughter and poker parties in my dining room. Kris and Chanelle are getting married in August. I am very tickled for them. I have taken the bug to a couple bug events/car shows this summer. It has been fun. I am driving to the beach this weekend. I have not gone on a long drive with it yet. I have gotten very comfortable driving it, and I feel close to JB each and everytime I drive it. My new job is going great. They love me and I love the job. I am learning alot. I have grown attached to a couple of the residents already. It is hard not to. I have been bad about going to church lately. I need to get back into the swing of things. No I have still not spoken to Emily but a couple times since JB passed away. That has not changed. I did see her mom and dad and sisters, and adorable niece at the Relay For Life Event. It is always nice to see them. I am hanging in there. I am still healing my broken heart, and I think that will be a forever process. Love to you all! Lori
RELAY FOR LIFE OF NEWBERG - JUNE 20-21, 2008
AT NEWBERG HIGH SCHOOL
Our team is called "The J Bugs"
Relay For Life is: A gathering of friends and families, A time to celebrate cancer survivors, A time to remember those we've lost to caner, Your way to FIGHT BACK!
FUN! FUN! FUN!
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Wed June 4th: I somehow lost the last couple months worth of blogs. We are having our Relay for life fundraiser garage sale this Sat June 7th at 9am at 1000 Springbrook Rd #87. Come and buy lots of goodies and help us raise money against the fight for cancer. Things are going good at my new job. I am working for Avamere at Newberg, a senior assisted living facility. I am the Director of Business Services. We put the bug in the show at the Woodburn Drags big VW event last weekend. It was fun. JB's buddies Scott and his dad Steve, Kris and Chanelle, my cousins Sean and Brody, Mom and my brother Grant, Pat and Nick were all there. We had a bbq and had fun.
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Friday Feb 15, 2008: Hello everyone. I am still on the hunt for a job. I did start getting unemployment benefits, and am looking for something new and enjoyable. Pat put a stereo in the bug this week for me. We had it done at Stereo King here in town. They did an awesome job on it. We put the tuner in the glove box, and they made a custom box for it. We are real close to having it ready to show. I am heading to Eugene to help my step mom around her house this weekend. She has cancer. My sister and brother will be helping too. She is alone since my dad died 2 years ago. I have been working in the yard with this nice weather we have had. I will have my relay for life page up and ready soon, and hope a lot of you can help me with fundraisers and walk on the 20th of June at Newberg High School. I took balloons and flowers to JB yesterday. It is pretty up on the hill. I am making progress, as I don't cry everytime I go up there now. That sounds simple, but it is a big step for me on my emotional roller coaster of life right now. Leaving my job has been very helpful believe it or not. I was very unhappy and it was just getting worse. I feel a big stress relief just in that.
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Monday Jan 4th: Things have not gone my way lately. I lost my job a week ago after 8 years there. That was a shock. I was not happy there for a while now, but never thought I would be let go. I have worked in the newspaper business for over 15 years now. I do not have a clue as to what I will do. I just spent 5 days in Madision Wisconsin helping with the National Outstanding Young Farmers Awards Congress. That was fun. They are needing a new coordinators right now. It is only a part-time job or I would apply. I need full time work. I may not have 10 vacation days needed to do the job as alot of new employers only offer 1 week for new hires. I had 3 weeks before, which would have allowed for it. Someday life will get better I hope. I just get through one hurdle, and then another comes along. Everyone tells me God has a plan for me, but I am not so sure of that anymore. I am struggling to understand. I know something better will come along work wise, and I was very unhappy with my job the last few years in advertising. Newspapers are a dying breed. Why pay for advertising when you can do it free with Craigs's list and other free sites now available. If any of you have any good leads, email me at lbsummer39@msn.com. Thank you!!!
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Thursday Jan 24th, 2008: Hello to you all. Things are going ok. I have been worried about Nick, JB's brother. He is having a hard time since JB passed away, as expected. I am doing alot better then l was. My break downs are less frequent now. Certain things will set me off, and I find myself in tears now and then. I don't think that will ever change. I am going to be sponsering a Relay for life team this year in Newberg. I want to see as many of you out there on the track as possible. I will have info soon, and will post that and send out a newsletter. We will be called the "J Bugs". I will need help with fundraisers and events to raise money for our team. This is therapy for me I think. I love my little bug, and drive it as much as possible. It is comforting to me to drive it, and I take it up to the cemetary too. I only go up there a couple times a month now, as it is wet and muddy. I did see Emily at Scotts wedding but we didn't talk, except for hi. I'm sure that was tough for her as she has not been back to the church since JB passed away. I really don't know how she is doing personally. I don't see much of the old gang anymore. I do keep in touch with Scott, and he has been a wonderful friend to me and my family. We still have a couple things to finish up in one afternoon on JB's Bug before summer. I want to show it. Thre are a few VW clubs around Portland. Please send me an email if you want to be part of the Relay for life team this summer - lbsummer39@msn.com
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Thursday Jan 17th, 2008: I want to say congrats to Scott & Bekah Smits (Scott was JB's best friend). They got married on Sat the 12th, and are now off on a cruise. I hope to upload the wedding pictures that I have taken. They used JB's bug to get from the wedding to the reception. I was very tickled that JB could still be a part of the wedding in some way. It was a tearful & emotional weekend for me. I so wish JB could have been there with us. It was a fun day, and the bride was beautiful, and Scott was very handsome too. We hope they are having an awesome time on their honeymoon cruise.
I have been sick for the last couple weeks, and have missed some work with a bad cold. I am hoping for some sunny days in our near future to get outside and do a few things in my yard. I am having a few issues setting up a new "myspace account" for JB as I had put in my newsletter, but will let you know when I get that done. Love to all - Lori
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Wed Jan 2, 2008: Happy New Year too you all! I just got back from my trip to Vancouver Island BC. I enjoyed my visit with Bettyann and her family. We had a nice Christmas on Qualicum Beach in her big log home. We missed Bill, and shared memories and stories of him thru-out the week. We hope to have a great new year! We are looking forward to Scott & Bekah's wedding on the 12th, and are so excited for them. JB would be so happy for them both too. I'm sad he can't be here to share in this special event. We continue to keep him alive in our memories, and not one day goes by that we don't think of him. I miss him so much it makes my heart hurt still.
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Thursday December 20th: I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas! I am going to Eugene Friday as it is the start of my holiday vacation. I will spend the weekend with family, and then come home Sunday to have Christmas with Nick and Pat. Nick and Pat will head to Eugene Monday to spend Christmas Eve with my family. I will leave early Christmas morning with my cousins. My cousin Hollys husband Ramone is from Canada. They are going to go pick up his boys and bring them back to Oregon after they drop me at the ferry. When they get dropped back off at home on the 30th, Ramone will pick me up at the ferry and we will head home on New Years Eve. I will be on the ferry for 2 hours then Bettyann's son will pick me up on the island, and we will join her large family and have Christmas dinner after I get there. It will be fun. I miss JB horribly, but I know he is in all of our hearts this holiday season. We miss you and love you Jeremy!!!!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL!
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Wed Dec 12th: Merry Christmas too you all! It has been much easier for me to get ready for Christmas this year. I was in such a funk last year as expected, and didn't care if I had a tree, or presents under the tree. All I could do was morn for JB, and it took all my effort to get thru each day. I still have JB's stocking hanging up, and probably always will. I bought a Shrek ornament in his honor too. I want to go to Build-a-Bear and build a Shrek. It has been on my mind since I noticed it in the window at the mall. As many of you know JB loved Shrek, and had collected many Shrek items over the last couple years. I want to put him in the bug. I drove the bug up to the cemetary last weekend in the nice weather. Tessa tagged along too. I am spending the weekend before Christmas with my family, as I will be on Vancouver Island BC Canada with my friend Bettyann for Christmas this year. I am looking forward to getting away. I miss seeing JB's friends, as they are all off doing their own thing these days. I think of them all often, and may have to have a pocker party in JB's honor soon so we can get together again. Nick is still living with me, and doing well. He needs to find work, and get into college again soon. Gotta run! Happy Holidays!
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Tuesday Nov 27th: We had a nice Thanksgiving in Eugene. Nick and I celebrate our birthdays this week, and are planning a few fun outings with friends and family. I visited Rock Harbor Church last week, and Grace Baptist this week. I have not been going to church as much as I should, but it has been busy for us on the weekends. I hope you all survived the shopping madness if you ventured out last Friday. I am still planning on being with Bettyann on Vancouver Island BC this Christmas. Happy Holidays to you all!
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Thursday Nov 15th: Wow, the holidays are upon us. I am trying to get into the spirit. I don't seem to get excited about much these days. I know that will pass with more time. Nick is home, and has been working with Pat. I spent last weekend with my mom and Naoma at the beach in Florence. It was very nice to relax and enjoy the ocean. I miss driving the bug on nice days, as our rainy season is here. I hope you all have a nice Thanksgiving! We are spending it in Eugene with our family. Nick and I have birthdays coming up at the end of the month too, so we celebrate over the holiday.
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Friday Nov 2nd, 2007: I am excited as Nick will be home late tomorrow night from Idaho. He is a bit bummed that things didn't go the way he had hoped. I think he is a bit homesick too. I am hoping he will get back into college, and that thinks will fall into place for him. He is still struggling with JBs death. He holds alot inside I think. I have checked into getting him into grief counseling at the Dougy Center (provides peer support groups for grieving children). I don't think he will go however. It is time to order DOUGH FOR DOERNBECHER again this year. It is $5 for 5 pounds of sugar cookie dough. I sold over 40 lbs at work last year. All the proceeds go to Doernbecher Children's Hospital. You can order from me if you like, or at Rivermark Credit Union in Newberg/Portland area.
My thoughts are with the Olson Family in Canada - Vancouver BC, as they are holding a memorial service for Bill this weekend. I was able to attend the service here in Oregon. I am still planning to spend a week with Bettyann at Christmas this year. Take care everyone! Lori.
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Wed Oct 17: This week is going much better than last week. Thank heavens! I am excited that Nick is coming home at the end of November. Things didn't work out like he had planned in Idaho. I know he is frustrated, but I am happy to have him back home. I have been so lost with no kids around. I am heading to the coast with the dogs and a friend this weekend. It will be nice to get out of town. I am going to Eugene next weekend to stay with my nephew while my sister and brother in law go to the beach for the weekend. I went to a Community group with my cousin Holly last night and met others who go to Rock Harbor Church. It was nice to visit with pastor Brian and his wife, and to see Emilys sister and brother in law Jen & Doc there too. Have a good week everyone! It's rainy and wet and windy here in Oregon. Nothing new for us.
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Wednesday Oct 10th: It has been a tough week for me for some reason. I watched Extreme Home Makeover on Sunday night. It was about an 8 year old girl from Corvallis Oregon who has cancer, and is being treated at Doernbecher's. I cried and cried watching the show. It was the hardest TV show I have ever watched I think, as it brought back all the pain and memories of the last couple years. Every day I wake up and think about JB, and ask myself if this is real. I see JB's friends getting married, and planning families, and it makes me so sad. Don't get me wrong, I am very very excited for Scott & Bekah, and Kris and Chanelle to be married soon. I'm just sad as I won't get to enjoy watching JB with his children (my grandchildren). Nick is feeling the pressure I am sure. I keep thinking I will wake up from this bad dream. I keep alot to myself as I don't want to be depressing to my friends and co-workers. I have my melt downs at home usually, when I am alone. Somedays it is so tough to get thru work and my day as if life is normal. I have no desire to even decorate for the holidays. I would rather skip to January. I have been working with my doctor on my depression issues, and I am trying hard to get back to my "new normal" life again. I don't think it will ever be the same without JB. I am still struggling with my belief issues right now. I am questioning my faith, and asking Why God?? I grew up in a Baptist Church, and have always been a believer, even when I was not the perfect Christian, I still believed in him. I just wish I could understand why and be a believer again, and not doubt that there is a God. I know JB would not like me doubting his God! He wouldn't want me to hurt so much. I feel as if this is my diary. I can share my feelings and hurts. I know that my job is to make something positive come of all this, but I am not sure what that is yet. I will survive! I am thankful for my family, friends, and my son Nick, who are all very special to me.
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Wed Oct 3rd: My new roof is working well. It has been tested this week for sure with all the heavy rain we have had. I thank Grant and Tim for all the hard work. My cousins Ramone and Holly helped put a wall up on the carport to protect the bug from the weather too. Thank you all. Things are movng along. I dread the holidays for some reason with the boys not here. I miss JB horribly still. I miss seeing Nick too. He is working and doing well in Idaho so far. I hear Emily is doing fine. She has been dating a young man for almost a year now I guess. She still does not see me or my family since JB passed away. Needless to say, things don't always turn out the way we would like them too. I do still see her family at church now and then, and keep in contact with them. They are all excited about the new baby Jen & Doc are expecting next year. Happy Fall to you all!
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Tuesday Sept 25th: It has been a busy couple weeks for me. I have my brother Grant, and brother-in- law Tim, and a friend Jeff all coming up from Eugene, along with several volunteers to help put a new roof on my house this coming weekend. Pray for no rain! Grant and my nephew Cameron, and mom came up last weekend too, and helped me around the house. It was nice to get all the windows and things re sealed. I will soon be ready for a wet and wild winter with no roof worries. I miss the boys terribly. Nick is doing well in Idaho so far. All of you have a great rest of the week!
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Monday Sept 17th: Wow has this month flown by quickly. I miss Nick horribly. My house is way too quiet. I miss having the kids around. I got sad news on my good friends Bill & Bettyann Olson who recently just moved back to Vancouver Island B.C. from Sherwood Oregon. Bill died of a heart attack on Friday Sept 7th, at age 74. My family and I send our deepest condolences to the Olson family. I will miss Bill and his big smile, and his old worn out hat that I used to pin flowers on and decorate when he was not around. I will miss the teasing and big hugs he gave me each time we were together. His wife Bettyann was in route to the hospital when he had his attack at home. She was in the hospital for a week, and got out this last Friday. We love you Bettyann, and know this is a difficult time for you and your family. You are in our thoughts and prayers. We want you to get well soon. I am planning on spending Christmas with the Olson's this year. Christmas is a hard time for me not having the boys around. Take care everyone - Lori
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Friday September 7th: It has been a busy week. Nick is in Idaho now. He hopes to start working soon. Not much going on in my world right now. Just trying to keep busy. It is so hard not having kids in the house. Tessa won't leave me alone, and wants so much attention. She misses the kids too. I think now is the time for me to catch up on my crafts, and friends, and try to look forward and not back. August was a hard month for me with all the memories, anniversaries, and Nick planning on moving away. I still have my good days and bad days. I think I am doing better in my grieving process, but I still have days that I just cry and cry. I never know what may set me off. I love driving the bug on nice days. It brings me peace, and I feel close to JB when I drive it. We still have some things to do to get it finished, but it is real close. I hope you are all well, and please send me a note. I would love to hear from all of you. It is amazing but this site still gets over a thousand hits a week. Wow! I thank you for all your support and prayers, as I still struggle to get thru all this. Time heals all. Lori
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Friday August 31st: I hope you all have a safe and fun holiday weekend. Nick moves to Idaho on Sunday. I will be so lost without kids in the house. I need to find things to keep me busy. . Kids start back to school so I know you are all busy as this summer ends. Enjoy your Labor Day weekend! Lori
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Tuesday August 21st 2007: Today is JB's 2nd Birthday in Heaven! I miss him so much! Not one day goes by that I don't feel lost and alone without him. I always wish I could have just a few more hours with him. I have been a bit under the weather the last couple days. Nick leaves for Idaho this next weekend. Nick was home for the summer, and I enjoyed that! I have felt alot of anxiety with him making a big move like this. I have been a bit depressed , but I know this too will pass. I want to ask you all to keep a friend of mine in your prayers. Her name is Sam Olson of Yamhill Oregon, and she is 39, and fighting breast cancer that has spread to her brain. She has 4 young boys and a husband at home. She is the daughter in law to my good friends Bill and Bettyann Olson who just moved back to Canada. Keep your faith Sam, and miracles do happen everyday. Our thoughts are with you and your family. I have said this from day one..... CANCER SUCKS!!!
Happy Birthday JB, and we miss you more than words can say!
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Monday August 6th: I want to thank all of you who remembered me yesterday on JB's 1 year anniversary in heaven. I want to thank those of you who sent and brought by flowers and plants, and for the cards, phone calls, and text messages . It meant alot to me. Thank you to my sister Ranee, and her husband Tim and JB's good friend Gwen, and Pastor Brian Burman for your support at church yesterday too. It really means alot to me that you all care and remembered me on this difficult day. JB loved you all as much as you loved him, and I feel so blessed to have gotten to know alot of you thru him. I know it was a hard day for all of us. The car show on Saturday to benefit Doernbecher's Children's Hospital raised almost $4000. :-) It was a fun day, and many kind and generous people were there to show support. The bug was a hit. Thank you again for everything! We can and will move on but never forget our beloved JB. "Blessed be the name of the Lord"
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Wed August 1st: I am putting the bug in it's first car show on Sat Aug 4th. When I read the story about raising money for Doernbecher's, and helping Labri (a 12 year old girl from Lake Oswego with an inoperable brain tumor) I knew this would be the perfect time for the bugs first car show. Hope to see you there!
CARSHOW FOR THE KIDZ - Sat August 4th - McKenzie Pub parking lot. 16450 SW Langer Drive, Sherwood, Oregon - 10am-4pm. Come help support our local Children's Hospital and make a difference in a child's life. (all proceeds go to Doernbecher's Children's Hospital)
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Sunday July 29th: Thank you to all of you who helped get the "Love Bug" back on the road, and to all who helped with the parade. It was a great day, and I really enjoyed seeing everyone. It felt good to make good our promise to JB, and I felt all the love from you who joined us in making it happen. I have attached a link at the main menu to JB's Bug where you will find photos of the parade, and more. We got a ribbon too. Thank you all!!!!!
THANK YOU ALL WHO HELPED SUPPORT THE "j bugs Relay for life team" in Eugene this last Saturday as well. I hope to have pics/info posted soon.
P.S. thank you also for your prayers for my uncle Rich. He is doing better each day, but is still in the hospital up at St V's.
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Tuesday July 24th: We are just finishing up the final details to get ready for the parade Sat morning. I still have to wax the bug. If you are walking with us you need to be there by 9am. We are entry #44, and just let them know that at the gate off 8th St. If you need further details please email me lbsummer39@msn.com. Holly and our family are asking for your prayers once again, as my uncle Rich Oare (Holly's dad) is in a bad way up at St Vincents Hospital in Portland, after suffering a miassive heart attack on Sunday morning. He is in critical condition, and really needs our prayers right now. See you on Saturday, and we will be taking the flowers you all bring to JB's grave after the parade. I thank you all for your support as we remember our beloved JB this weekend.
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Monday July 16th: The Bug is home now!!!! I picked Gwen up yesterday morning in the bug and we went to Rock Harbor for church service. She said she loved hearing it come down the street again. It is fun to drive too. Very small inside. I got a call from Gloria Attrell at the funeral chapel on Saturday. She had read the article about the parade, and offered to put a tent up over JB's grave site the day of the parade. We will be taking flowers collected that day up afterwards. Several friends will be coming and joining us that day for the parade, BBQ and fireworks in the evening. It will be a bitter sweet day. I am looking forward to getting past the next few weeks. I have been in tears almost everytime I turn around lately. I know that is to be expected. It is frustrating at times when I can't just turn it off. I am still amazed I made it thru this last year. At times it felt like life would never go on again..... but it does and it has. Nick has been playing frisby golf with some of JB's friends this summer, so I have gotten to see them around the house a few times. (I love seeing them). I hope to see you all Sat August 28th. I know JB will be looking down on us and smiling at all the love and support from all of you! WE MISS YOU JB!!!! WE WILL ALWAYS KEEP YOU ALIVE IN OUR MEMORIES!!!!
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Monday July 9th: I am so excited!!!! We bring the bug home tonight, that is if Scott will let me after our test drive last night. Wow! Not the same as the modern stick shifts. I do need to practice. It was hard last night for Scott and I as we remembered JB, and shared a few tears. JB would be so proud of the wonderful job Scott has done, and all the long hours he has put into this project. The parade will be here before we know it. It is July 28th at 10am in Newberg. I got the driveway all cleaned up and ready for the arrival! I am crying as I type this. It is a happy but sad time. This month holds alot of memories as our one year anniversary of losing JB is approaching quickly. Not all good memories, but memories I will hold close to my heart, and never forget. I miss his smile, his laughter, his love for everyone he met, and those lives he touched. We hope to see you at the parade. Email me if you need directions. Blessings, Lori
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Thursday July 5th: We had a nice 4th of July. Nick and I spent the day in Vancouver Washington with long time friends of our family. Nick grew up with Trina and her daughter, and extended family. We have the bug so close to being done. Scott and I went for a test drive on Tuesday. It is insured now, and almost ready to roll. Scott has been doing alot of the work in the evenings to finish the bug! YOU ROCK SCOTT!! WE THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! JB would have been so proud. We are getting everything ready to roll in the parade on the 28th. If any of you would like to walk with us in JB's honor, please contact me or Scott. I have had several offer to bring candy, and that would be awesome. It will help alot. Wear yellow if possible. The Livestrong colors are yellow. JB never took his bracelet off that he recieved from a nurse when he was first diagnosed. Love to you all! Thanks for keeping our family in your thoughts and prayers. The next 4 weeks will be hard for me and my family. We have alot of memories from last year to get thru. Love Lori
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Thursday June 21st: We worked on the bug again this week, and now have one of the front seats recovered. We are almost done now. I am so excited. I will have to get used to driving a stick shift again. I am hoping to get the car into a couple car shows. It is so nice. Nick was able to help us this week too. He has been in Eugene, and missed alot of the get togethers. It is nice having him home again. We are going camping next weekend at the coast for a family wedding. It will be nice to have some one on one with him. He has been on the back burner this last couple years unfortunately with JB being sick. I want to make up for some of that before he moves to Idaho this fall.
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Friday June 15th: Hot off the press - A very nice story will appear in our town paper, The Newberg Graphic tomorrow. To read the story click on "JB in the news" at menu. I have it there. The photos are not there, but the story is. I am hoping to have JB's Bug pictures here on the site soon.
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Wed June 13th: We worked on the bug again Sat. We have another long day to go yet. There will be a nice story in the Newberg Graphic on Saturday regarding the bug. I will put it on the site here somewhere when it is published. Nick will be home tomorrow for the summer. I am looking forward to that. Emily's brother is getting married this weekend, and Holly and I are the coordinators and will be helping Friday at the rehersal, and Saturday is the wedding. Congratulations Amber Fuller and Kevin Cook
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Wed June 6th: It has been 10 months since we lost JB. It still feels like just yesterday to me. We are working on the VW again this weekend. I had a small mix up with the DMV, and the special plates I ordered did not come. I went back to the DMV yesterday, and they hope to get me the plates for the bug by July 15th. I want them on the bug for the parade July 28th. I was able to get "JBS BUG". The Graphic is doing a story on the bug and the friends who have helped put it back together. (The Graphic is our newspaper in town). I have decided to go to a grief counselor for a couple visits - thanks to mom and friends encouraging me. I am finding it very challenging with Mother's Day, Memorial Day, and anniversary date of his death coming up soon. I still feel very lost and not sure what my purpose is or what my future will bring. I know this is all normal when you lose your child. Nick is still moving home for the summer, and I am looking forward to that. It will be hard when he moves to Idaho this fall. We had a great time at the coast. There were 20 of us gals all together - good times!
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Tuesday May 29th: It was very pretty up on the hill at Valley View Memorial yesterday. JB's grave site had alot of visitors and pretty flowers, Shrek trinkets, & all kinds of fun things sitting around. He would have approved. It feels comfortable and inviting to visit. It was so pretty up there with all the flowers & flags. It was a beautiful day. It was not as hard of a day as I thought it may be. I kept busy. Emily's brother is getting married in a few weeks and a bunch of us gals are heading off to the coast to celebrate and have fun on Saturday night with Amber (his new wife to be). It will be fun to get together.
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Tuesday May 22nd: It has been a hard couple weeks for me for some reason. It is hard to always put on a happy face each day. I don't think an hour goes by that I don't think of JB. I have had a hard time sleeping too. Life is so upside down for me. I know it has been 9 months, and I should be getting better at this grieving stuff. I so wish I could flip a switch and turn off the tears each night, and the pain I feel every day. Nick is moving home for a couple months, and I am looking forward to that. He is moving to Idaho in the fall probably, and wants that to be his new home. I may have to move closer to him someday. I think a change might be good. I'm not ready to leave Newberg for a while however. It would be hard to leave JB. I know this too will pass and everything will get easier to accept with time. I expect that alot of JB's friends will be up to the grave on Memorial Day. I think it is a healing process for us all. Have a safe and fun Memorial Day Weekend!
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Monday May 14th: I hope all you moms had a nice Weekend. It was a hard day for me. I was so tickled when Gwen stopped with a rose and card, and Bryan stopped by with a balloon and card. (two of JB's best and oldest friends). That meant the world to me. Nick called me from Eugene too. He did come up on Saturday with my family for the day. We had a BBQ get together. I took some roses up to JB's grave yesterday. It was beautiful up there. I made it thru another tough day in my healing process. I am looking forward to working on the bug more. It is almost done. Hooray!!!
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Monday May 7th: We worked on the bug again this weekend. It is so exciting to get it almost finished. I want to thank all of you who have put so much love and hard work into this "love Bug". It truly is a work of love from all. Scott Smits has it at his house, and he has put so many hours into this. I want to thank Emily's brother Kevin and Emily's dad Chuck too for all the time and work they have done too. And Kris, and Steve (Scott's Dad for all the parts) too. I love you all so much, and JB would be so proud of you all! Thank you!
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Thursday May 3rd: Hello to you all. I am having a pretty good week. I went yesterday and ordered the special plates for the bug. I was able to get "JBS BUG". I was very tickled to find it was available. I also turned in the application to be in the parade. I know that alot of people stepped in to help our family over the last couple years, and I know that I have not thanked everyone in person. I don't even know alot of the people that helped raise funds and prayed for us while JB was sick. The whole community stepped in and it was so awesome. THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!! I find life very quiet right now. I miss having the kids around. I still feel very out of sorts, and lost most of the time. I sometimes wake up and think.... did this really happen? I know that I still have my son Nick (thank the Lord), and I know he must feel the pressure of being the only child now. It has to be hard on him too. He is still in Eugene. I will go down for Mother's Day and see my mom and family. I told Nick he has to have lots of grand kids for me. What pressure that is! "smile". I am trying to keep busy, and not get depressed, which is hard to do some days. Mother's Day will be hard for me this year. We are going to be working on the bug again this weekend. We are getting close to finishing it. I want to get some photos online when we get it done. Love to all, Lori
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Friday April 20th, 2007: Hello, We finished our Grief Group this week. I added a link called "Bereaved Parent's Wish List" on the menu to the left. It was helpful to me. I really want to talk about JB and I want to keep his memory alive. I am getting thru this one day at a time, and that is the best I can do. I will be adding a link to our Relay for life team soon too.
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Monday April 16th: We worked on the bug more yesterday, and had lots of help from JB's friends. It is looking so good. We have the back seats done, and started getting the carpet put in. I am looking for someone who wants to donate some love, and an hour of time. I want to have "Blessed be the name of the Lord" painted on the glove box. I paint, but don't have a steady hand for that sort of thing. Scot is cutting out a metal plate that fits onto the dash board, and I am going to have that engraved with JB's name. Pat and I have our last grief group meeting on Wed. We will bring pictures this week and share with others. I have gotten alot out of this group. The youth group at JB's church is going to walk in the parade with us on July 28th in honor of JB. Not much really else happening. It is quiet at work, and way to quiet at home. Nick is moving home with me in June for a few months, and hopes to get back into school this fall. He leaves Friday to be in a best friends wedding in Florida. That should be fun for him. I am still taking orders for T-shirts if anyone is interested. I have turned in the orders you have sent me so far, and I thank you all. All proceeds go to relay for life team "The J Bugs", and are $10 each. They have JB's picture and name on them.
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Thursday April 5th: It has been 8 months today since JB died. It does seem to be getting easier to accept, and the crying spells are fewer. I still never really know when or what may set me off. It's usually simple things like seeing his friends at church, or working on his bug, or just sitting and watching TV. Scot and Pat got the motor in the bug last Sat. We are real close to getting the carpet in, and then we start working on the seats. I am very excited to get it done. I think it will be nice to see it in the driveway and finished. JB would be so proud of Scot, Kevin, Chuck, Kris and everyone else who has put time into the bug to help get it finished. I thank you all for your continued support, and wish you all a Happy Easter. I will be going to the 11:00 service at JB's church - Grace Baptist on Sunday. (formerly First Baptist) Blessings to all! Lori
Thursday March 22nd: Pat and I went to our 4th grief group meeting sponsered by Doernbecher's. It went pretty well. It was focused on siblings and how they are dealing with the loss of a brother or sister. I am taking orders for JB T-shirts. It will have his photo on it and his name. Anyone who wants to walk in the parade in memory of JB, (JB's bug and Tessa will be the guests of honor) can wear them. We are keeping ours fresh for the parade. T-shirts are $10 dollars, and all proceeds go to the cancer related relay for life team "The J Bugs". Email me your size and how many to: LBSummer39@msn.com.
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Monday March 12th: We worked on the VW this weekend at Scot's house. JB's good friends Kris, Chanelle, Gwen, Amber & Kevin helped, along with Pat, Scot and myself. We got alot done. We still have a few Saturdays to go, but it is getting closer. The seat covers and door panels came in and I love them. It is exciting, and sad. I wish JB could see it. He would be proud of his friends helping out. I know it is therapy for us all. We do have T-shirts to order for $10 (all proceeds go to Relay for life). The shirts have a picture of JB on the front and his name. The team is called "The J Bugs", and will be held in Junciton City, and put together by my mom Pat, and friends and family. The Relay for life is the same weekend as the Old Fashioned Festival Parade in Newberg. I can't attend both. I promised JB we would drive the bug in his honor in this years parade. We will wear our T-shirts however that day, and the money from the shirts will go to Relay for Life. I will try to get a picture of the shirt online soon, and can take orders. Remember we want you to all join us in the parade in memory of JB. IT is a cancer awareness theme. Love to you all! Lori
Thursday March 8th: We had our 3rd grief group meeting last night. There are some really nice people there, and I hope to get to know them better. It was 27 years ago on March 6th, that I lost my fiance at the age of 19, and I was 18 at the time. He was leaving my house on his motorcycle, and had no helmet on (not required then), and hit gravel and his bike landed on his head. He was in a coma for several days before being taken off life support. I do relate with Emily in that way, as we both experienced such grief at a young age. My mom and family and friends are doing a Relay For Life Team in Eugene. The team name "The J Bugs". I will have more info as we get organized.
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Tuesday March 7th: Hard to believe it has been 7 months since JB left us. His dad and I went up to see him yesterday. It was a beautiful day here. I had some daffys in my yard and picked a few to take up. We have our 3rd grief group meeting tomorrow night. I found out I can get "JBS BUG" for the new plates for the bug. We are almost ready to put it all back together. Most of the parts we have had ordered are here now.
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Thursday Feb 22nd: Pat and I had our second grief support meeting last night. It was much easier than the first meeting. This week we went thru "components of grief" by J. William Worden. I am going to share a bit below, and hope it helps in some way to others going thru this same experience. I am excited to get the bug upholstery we ordered, and to finish the restoration JB started. It will be a comfort to have it in the driveway under cover and back home again. It has been in very good hands at one of JB's closest friends house. Scot is helping me do alot of the work - bless his heart! We are driving the bug in the Old fashioned Festival parade on July 28th, and invite the kids in youth group, and any of you who may want to participate. We are going to drive the bug in JB's honor, and it will be a cancer related theme, and any donations we recieve will go to OHSU cancer research. We are going to make memorial T-shirts in yellow to match the bug and the "Livestrong" theme that JB believed in. So please contact me if you want to participate. It will be just a few days shy of JB's 1 year in heaven when this event takes place. JB was there last year in his wheel chair, and his oxygen, it was his last real outing before he passed away. I miss him so much. I do sit and hold his beanie now and then, and sit in his room and listen to his favorite radio station that is still on in his room. I miss his smile, his humor, his friends, and his hugs.
Emotional Components of Grief:
Sadness
Anger
Typically have 2 sources: (1) A sense of frustration that there was nothing one could do to prevent the death. (2) Anger due to loss.
Guilt and Self-Reproach
Guilt over not seeking earlier medical care, guilt over not being "kind enough", guilt over how the death was experienced
Anxiety
Anxiety can be related to the guilt - Fear of losing another child or loved one
Loneliness
Overwhelming sense of loss and missing your child - Isolation
Fatigue
May feel like listlessness, tiredness, inability to do basic activities (both daily tasks and previously enjoyed activities)
Helplessness
Lack of control and inability to help your child
Shock
Difficulty in believing in the reality of the loss
Yearning
Emancipation
Loss of role as caretaker
Relief
Because your chld is no longer suffering - Mixed sense of relief because you no longer have cancer in your life but then guilt for also feeling this way
Numbness
Lack of feeling - May be a protection from a flood of feelings
Physical Components of Grief: Hollowness in the stomach, Tightness in the chest, tightness in the throat, over sensitivity to noise, Snse of depresonalization (nothing seems "real"), breathlessness, feeling short of breath, muscle weakness, lack of energy, dry mouth.
Cognitive Components of Grief:
Disbelief - Confusion - Difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness
Pre-occupation - Obsessive thoughts of your child or the death, thoughts of how to bring your child back
Sense of presence - thinking the loved one is still physically present, this coincides with the emotional component of yearning
Hallucinations - Visual and auditory, Usually happens with the first few weeks following the death.
Grieving Behaviors:
Sleep disturbances - appetite disturbances - absent minded behavior - social withdrawl - dreams of your child both normal and distressing dreams/nightmares - avoiding reminders of your child - searching and calling out - sighing - restless over activity'/hyperactivity - crying - visiting places or carrying objects that remind you of your child - treasuring objects that belong to your child.
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February 12th: We started our grief group last Wed. I found it very hard to go and talk at first, but felt more comfortable when we left, and look forward to the next meeting. It is a small group, 4 families, and 2 of them lost teanage sons to cancer also within a few months of JB. It was emotionally draining, but felt good to connect with other families, and to see that our grieving is normal, and our loses so fresh yet in our hearts. I could see the sadness in all the faces there. I had a hard weekend. I miss JB so much. It was nice to go to church Sunday and see all the loving faces of JB's dear friends, and church family. I had dinner with some of his friends last night, and feel so blessed that they include me, and keep in touch. It keeps me going. I still don't know when to end this site. I feel like it is a dairy, and a story of JB's journey the last couple years. It is a way for me to express my thoughts and feelings. I have been having alot of crying bouts, but that too is ok. If I could flip a switch and turn the pain off I would. I hate it when it consumes me and I feel so down, but I also am trying to find some kind of a new normal in life. It may take years for that, I don't know. I have been walking with Tessa, and have been on Weight Watchers, and trying to get healthy. 5.3 pounds this week. Yahoo!!!!!! Blessings to all!
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Monday Feb 5th: It has been 6 months since JB passed away. I know he is missed so much by so many. Pat and I start a grief class up at Doernbechers on Wed night. A group of JB's close friends are coming for dinner tonight at my house. We are finalizing the colors for the seats in JB's bug he was restoring. I can't seem to decide and thought I would get his friends input. It will be nice to see the kids. I sure miss having them around. I am trying to stay busy and keep my mind busy. It is hard, but I keep going. Not an hour goes by that I don't think of my JB. I miss him sooooo much!
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Tuesday Jan 30th: Happy Birthday to my step dad Jerry Barnes!
Things are going ok. Pat and I start a grief group with other parents from Doernbecher's. I think this will be very helpful, as we all have lost children. I still continue to struggle with my emotions daily and sometimes hourly. I still feel as if life will never be the same again, and I miss JB horribly. Nick is doing well in Eugene and is working. He hopes to get back into school soon. I don't know how Emily is doing. I have only seen her a couple times in the last several months, but hear she is keeping busy. Emily's sister Jen, Holly and myself are working on a bridal shower for Amber, who is engaged to Kevin (Emily's brother). We are looking forward to it! I would love to hear from you all! I have lots of time, and would love to see you too! Lbsummer39@msn.com
Doernbecher Children's Hospital Pediatric Hematology/Oncology - Living with Loss Grief Education & Support Group. Starts February 7th: The group has been a safe place to express feelings. There is a certain comfort in being in a group with others who have had similar experiences. It really helps to talk to another mother who has lost their child because it is so hard to relate to anyone else. It will be a safe place to share feelings and experiences, and to start the healing proccess.
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Monday Jan 22nd: We drove one of JB's bugs to Eugene Sat. Jerry (JB's grandpa) bought it. All the proceeds went to funeral expenses which I'm happy to say are below $1000 now. We started at over $10,000. Thanks to many wonderful friends, family members, JB's First Baptist Church family, and fundraisers!!!!! I thank you all again. Scott has JB's special bug that he was restoring at his house. We have to re-upholster the original seats. JB had bought seats out of a Jetta, but they won't fit in the car. The car needs to be done by July. Last July (just days before JB passed away) JB sat at the "Newberg Old Fashioned Festival" watching the parade in his wheel chair, and oxygen tank in tow, and I told him we would get his bug done and drive it in his honor this year. It is almost brand new in and out, with a beautiful pale yellow paint job. I want to get it pinstriped with his name. Maybe "JB's Dream". He loved his little bug. I talked about going to a grief group in Lafayette, but over the weekend I recieved a letter from Doernbecher's Children's Hospital that they are offering a group every other week thru April. I think that I will get alot out of this as we all have lost children to Cancer/major illness. I have my good friends Bill & Bettyann Olson staying with me from Canada this week. Blessings to you all! Lori
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Friday Jan 19th: T.G.I.F.! What a weather week we have had here in the Portland area. We have had lots of snow and freezing rain. I start a GriefShare group on the 30th, for 13 weeks. It is held at Lafayette Community Church. If any of you reading this want or need to join a grief group please email me and I'll get you the info on this Grief Recovery Support Group.
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Friday January 12th: I want to wish Ranee Werder (my sister - Jan 20), and Cameron Nickelson (my nephew - Jan 11) A Happy Birthday!
For some reason I've had a very hard week. I can't seem to stop thinking about JB and Emily. I miss them both so much. I have been in tears alot this week. I miss Nick too. I have called him several times this week. I'll get to see him and my family next weekend. I am going to go down and make my sister and Cameron a birthday dinner and have some of thier friends over for fun and movies. I have been thinking hard about getting a room mate. I would love to get a George Fox College student to live here. I love having the kids around. My house is way too quiet. I know Tessa and Summer would love it too. We have had snow and ice this week in parts of Portland. Only a sprinkle of snow here in Newberg. My mom however had over 5 inches a couple hours south of us. My step dad is continuing to get better, and is still on IV meds several times a day, and has a home health nurse coming in a couple days a week. Blessings to you all! I hope to see some of you at First Baptist on Sunday. Blessings - Lori
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Monday January 8, 2006: It has been 5 months since we lost JB. I am happy for the new year to be here. I guess I was hoping the pain & tears might be less now that 2006 is behind us, but I was wrong. The tears still come at the oddest & most unexpected times. I never know what will trigger me. I have been trying to keep busy with friends and family. I have been at the coast the last few weekends. We had a girls weekend in Seaside with my cousins from Eugene. I don't talk to Nick or Emily alot. I know they are busy and want to hang with their friends. I do think of them daily. Blessings to all, and Happy New Year!
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Tuesday January 2, 2007: Happy New Year to you all.
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Tuesday December 26th: Happy New Year to all! It was a busy holiday weekend for us. My son Nick and my nephew Cameron and his new puppy Sadie came on Friday. We had a nice weekend. My mom and step dad, & brother came up on Sunday evening, and my sister and her husband Tim came up from Eugene as well. We had a nice Christmas. We shared memories, and many tears. We took flowers up to the cemetary on Christmas. Emily came and visited us for a bit Christmas morning. We went to candlelight service at Rock Harbor in the morning on Christmas Eve, and I really wanted to go to JB's church at 4pm in the afternoon as well, but our family didn't arrive in time. We were all going to go. That is ok. I thought of all of his church family over the holidays, and remember how blessed JB was to have had them in his life. My step dad Jerry and mom Pat, bought JB's 1969 VW Bug. We will drive it down to Eugene for them soon. We are still working on his special 1970 bug, and hope to have it done by summer. I will keep this bug forever. I know I am looking forward to the new year. We pray it will bring us better health, and happiness, and peace. Blessings to you all! I am thankful for each and everyone of you!
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Friday December 15th: It was a year ago today that we lost our dad Ernie to a massive heart attack. We miss you dad! It has been a hard week for me again. I have good days, and bad. I am very lonesome with no kids in the house. I start to feel sorry for myself, and then realize that it could be worse. I have another wonderful son, and a wonderful family, a warm place to live, and food to eat, when so many do not! I know we are all struggling with the loss of JB as the holidays approach us! There are days that I don't make it an hour without tears, but I know I must go on. I am grateful for all JB's friends that continue to call, or stop by. I love you all! I know a group of you are going snowboarding this weekend. Take a run down the hill in honor of JB.
I have been reading "How to Survive the loss of a child", and thought I'd share a bit of what I've read.
HOLIDAYS: Unlike vacations, which you can choose, holidays come whether you want them or not. For bereaved parents, the family holidays - Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas - are extremely painful. These are the holidays in which your child participated. There is no getting around it: You will see your dead child everywhere and be poignantly reminded of holidays past. Because your child will constantly be in your mind and the minds of all the other family members, plan ahead. Get a family consensus about how to memorialize your child. The ritual needn't occupy the center of attention, but it will allow everyone the opportunity to grieve. Openly sharing memories, even if they are painful, will acknowledge the deep and unalterable love the family feels for the missing child. Holidays take a great deal of psychic energy, so don't overload yourself. Make sure there are times to rest. Order by catalog. The stores, filled with holiday spirit, are heartbreaking for those who are grieving a dearly loved person. Allow the whole family to help with holiday preparations. Assign tasks. This way, the remaining children will feel that they have been given the opportunity to be a closer part of the family. Express your feelings of sadness throughout the holidays and encourage the other family memebers to do the same. Knowing that you don't have to be stoic all the time releases you to find points of joy in the midst of the sorrow. And you can laugh if you aren't shackled with pent-up tension and guilt.
SEARCHING FOR MEANING IN LIFE: When a child has died, the question of meaning is always there in the back of our minds. The constant "why?" in the beginning is part of this. We are plagued by the need to find any answer that could explain this enormous mystery. Each parent asks "How could God allow my child to die and leave me here? What good am I? What is the meaning of life now that everything has changed? These questions cannot be answered easily or quickly. Not until we have gained some distance from the shock of loss, worked through the realization and acknowledgement of the death, and begun to accept the inevitalbe changes occuring can we start to answer questions concerning the meaning of life. As we gain spiritual strength from centering ourselves, we will also gain guidance in the directions to take. Then, as these directions begin to lead us to places where we can find satisfactions while renewing our confidence, we find our faith in the world slowly returning.
Grief is a long arduous process, painful beyond belief. Don't feel you must rush it or be disappointed if you don't move as fast as you think you "should". There is no right or wrong way to grieve, just your way. You are entiltled to as much time as you need. You are also entitled to your own mistakes. Without mistakes, I can guarantee there haven't been enough risks. And without risks, there is no growth.
Your courage and perseverance have gotten you to this point of new beginnings. The scar tissue is healing, and the severe pain has lessened tremendously. What grief has taught you is waiting to be practiced.
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Monday December 11th. On Friday night JB's friends Chris, Chanelle, Scott, Amber, and Emily's brother Kevin came to the house with dinner and cookie makings. Amber made lasagna. Yummy! We had a nice time. It was very sweet of them all. I went to Astoria with a girlfriend for the night on Saturday. It was a neat place. The Canery Pier Hotel. It was nice to get away. JB's headstone was put in this week. It looks very nice. Emily was pleased as well. I made it thru a big hurdle, and got my Christmas decorations out, and a tree put up. It was not as tough as I thought it would be. I did shed tears, but felt like JB was with me saying it's ok mom, you can do this. JB decorated the tree last year. He wanted a big tall tree since we had high ceilings. My step dad Jerry is making small steps in getting better. My sister Ranee came home from the hospital on Saturday. Lets pray we get thru the rest of the year with no more illness in the family. Blessings to you all - LORI
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Tuesday Dec 5th, 2006 - It has been 4 months now since we lost our JB! I have really been having a hard week. My house has been so quiet! This website, my emails, phone calls, everything has been quite. I really would not have made it wihout JB's church family the last year! I don't see or talk to you all alot, but you know who you are, and I love each and everyone of you at First Baptist, and Brian Burman and friends at Rock Harbor too!!! And of course my family and friends have been awesome! I know we will all get thru this holiday season, but it is going to be very hard and emotional for me personally. I'm greatful to work with such wonderful and understanding people, as I know I'll be challenging this holiday season. I am really, really looking forward to a new year! I MISS YOU SO MUCH MY HEART HURTS JB! I WILL LOVE YOU ALWAYS!!!
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December 4th, 2006: It is hard to believe the holidays are upon us. It has been a struggle for me to get my Christmas decorations out. I know there are alot of memories in Christmas ornaments, and things that the kids have made me over the years. A group of JB's friends called me last week to see if they can bring over a tree and decorate it and bake cookies with me this Friday night. It will be fun to have them over! Our family is still struggling with several things. My step dad Jerry has been in and out of the hospital for several weeks (9 total), and is not getting better. He has staff infection in his spine. He really needs our prayers. My sister Ranee went into the hospital on Friday night and is still there. She had a high fever, vomiting, and pain in her leg. I have not heard today how she is doing. She just returned from Mississippi building homes for Katrina victims. I think a black cloud is over our family right now. My step brother Brad is at home with full care. He is learning how to move and get around. My brother Grant has been pretty good. Thank the Lord. He has been helping mom at her tree shop while mom takes care of Jerry. Please keep our family in your prayers. I am so looking forward to the new year. This has been a year from Hell - truly! It has to get better. I hope to have happier news next time you read this message board. I really am ready for a Happy New Year! I visited First Baptist at the High School Sunday for a special blended service. I didn't get to see alot of you that I would have liked to, but think of you all often and I am so grateful for you all! Blessings, Lori!
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Monday November 27th: We had a nice Thanksgiving. It was sad for us all, and alot of tears. We all missed JB and felt sad that he was not with us. Emily and her mom and dad came down for the day on Friday. My step dad Jerry got out of the hospital on Sunday evening. He has been fighting infection in his spine, and been in alot of pain for over 6 weeks now. My sister and her husband Tim have been in Mississippi rebuilding homes from Hurricane Katrina, sponsored by my sisters employer - Warehauser. We missed having them at dinner too. They fly home to Portland tonight, then drive back to Eugene. We have had some snow today, so I hope they have a safe ride home. I decorated a live wreath in the shape of a cross, and put out at JB's grave yesterday. We are waiting for his headstone to be finished. I turn a big 45 tomorrow, and my oldest son Nick will be 23 on Wednesday. Blessings to all!
Happy Birthday Nick! We love you!
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Wed Nov 22nd: I want to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving. It will be hard not having JB at our table this year. We miss him so much. He always had a smile for everyone, and I have to keep that smile in my memory tomorrow, and always. Blessings to all! Lori
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Monday November 20th: Hello everyone! I has been another good week. My girlfriend Trina, and my cousin Holly and I spent Sat together. We had a good time shopping, laughing, and went to dinner. My birthday is at the end of the month, so we were celebrating early. I am actually looking forward to decorating for Christmas. I was not sure if I could do it this year. I am going to Eugene for Thanksgiving. I will cook dinner as my mom will be busy getting her shop "Mrs B's Christmas Tree's" ready to open. My step dad Jerry has been in the hospital again. He came home yesterday. Emily and her family will be coming down on Friday to see my parents and visit. Emily's dad has a birthday on Friday the 24th. Happy Birthday Chuck!!!! Nick has a couple days off and will be able to spend it with us in Eugene. He is doing well. Blessings to all! Lori
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November 12th, 2006:
Boy have we had some weather here in Oregon. I have been fighting some water coming in the house thru my skylight and around my window. I have a tarp on the roof until I can get some one out to fix it. I'm hoping this will be an easy and cheap fix. We are expecting a couple more inches of rain tonight and strong winds as well. I kind of feel like Dorthy in Kansas, and hope not to blow away tonight. They expect 60-65 mpg winds. Being an Oregonian I am used to the rain, we are not used to 3-4 inches in one day however. I went to church at Rock Harbor this morning with my cousin Holly and her kids, and Emily and her family were there. It was a nice service. Brian always keeps my attention. They sang "Blessed Be The Name Of The Lord" at church this morning, and that had a whole row of us crying I think. I find I am kind of dreading the holidays, but know this is normal. There is a blurb from the Compassionate Friends Flyer I just recieved below. Compassionate Friends is a group of people who have lost children to many different things, and at all ages. I have attended one class in Lafayette, and hope to attend more. They only meet the first Thursday of each month. I have been to some other groups as well. I would love to start a group of my own. If any of you out there feel a need, or have lost a child to cancer or otherwise, and would like to get together and visit, let me know. I find I am having a hard time talking about JB with strangers, or in groups. It hurts alot still. I need to talk about JB however, and share his memory, and in time I will find this easier to do. Scott & Chuck (One of JB's best friends and JB's father in law) worked on JB's 1970 VW bug this weekend. They got the undercoating done. I miss you Jeremy, my heart hurts so much. I know Dad, Nick & Emily miss you as much as I do. I know alot of your friends and family think of you daily, and miss your smile and laugh as much as we do. My tears won't seem to stop today, I wish I could just hold you and hug you one more time. You are always on my mind, and in my heart. I love you JB!
THAT'S NORMAL
If you think you are insane - that's normal.
If all you can do is cry - that's normal.
If you have trouble with the most minor decisions - that's normal.
If you can't taste your food nor have any semblance of an appetitie - that's normal.
If you have feelings of rage, denial, and depression - that's normal.
If you find yourself enjoying a funny moment and immediately feel guilty - that's normal.
If your friends dwindle away and you feel like you have the plague - tha's normal.
If you can share your story, your feelings, with an understanding listener - another bereaved parent - that's a beginning.
If you can get a glimmer of your child's life rather than his death - that's wonderful.
If you can remember your child with a smile - that's healing.
If you find your mirrors have become windows and you are able to reach out to other bereaved parents - that's growing.
Edith Frasier, TCF - Winnepeg
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ONE WISH
If I could have just one wish,
A dream that would come true,
I'd pray to God with all my heart,
For yesterday and you.
A thousand words can't bring you back,
I know because I've tried.
And neither will a thousand tears.
I know since thousands I have cried.
You left behind my broken heart
and happy memories too.....
But I never wanted memories
I only wanted YOU......
By Teri Stamos, The Compassionate Friends (TCF) Central Oregon.
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Sunday November 5th: It was 3 months ago today that we lost our precious JB. I miss him so much. I continue to have more good days. I'll start thinking wow... I've made it a week without a breakdown, then boom.... it hits once again. I was in tears most of Thur/Fri last week. Saturday was great however! Emily, Scott, Kris, Chanel, James, Emily, Gwen, Amber and Kevin all came over and brought pizzas, and we visited and shared pictures of JB. I loved it! My house has been way to quiet. I thank all of you who came over. JB was smiling down on you I'm sure, saying thanks for taking care of my mom! Emily seems more her old self to me, for which I'm greatful. It hurts my heart to see her so sad. It will take a long time for her to heal, but I have faith that we will all survive and move forward. JB would want that. I visited First Baptist yesterday. It was nice to see everyone. JB's headstone should be done in about 3 weeks. It will be made out of blue granite. I will put a picture here when we get one taken. Blessings to all!
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Wednesday November 1st:
Hi all! Hard to believe it has been almost 3 months since JB passed away. I missed him alot yesterday, as he loved Halloween. JB's dad Pat and I went and put a new cover over the VW to keep it safe from the weather. This is the 1970 VW JB was restoring. It's cute, and has a new pale yellow paint job. Scott and friends are helping get it put back together for me. Thank you to Mike Doran for letting us store it at his shop in Newberg. We still have a 1979 VW for sale if anyone is interested. Just send me an email, and I'll get you in touch with the right person to go see that bug. I have decided to go ahead and have Christmas at my house this year as we had planned before JB passed away. I didn't want to even decorate for the holidays a few weeks back, but I know JB wouldn't want that. Tessa - JB's Schnauzer, sure has been a blessing to me. She is such a love. I have a Shih Tzu as well, but Tessa is the queen of the castle now! Summer gets beat out of every toy in the house. Tessa just walks over and takes what she wants right out of Summers mouth. Summer is a very small 9 lbs, and Tessa is 20 or more. Pets can be good therapy. I have a counseling session this evening. I think I'm doing pretty good. Nick is doing well, and Emily too. Blessings to all! Happy Fall!
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Thursday October 26th: You can now order your 4 minute wedding video online. PayPal has been set up and the videos will be mailed to you. They are $5 each. If you have any problems with the PayPal please contact me and let me know.
Went to the coast with the gals from work last weekend, and was sick with the flu! Bad timing. We did have fun considering. I missed two days of work this week, but am feeling better now. We get our flu shots next week at work. Not soon enough I guess. My step brother Brad has come home now from a long almost 3 months in the hospital. I will keep praying for him to heal. Praying that he will walk again someday soon. He is a fighter. My step dad Jerry had back surgery yesterday in Eugene. He had two bulged disks. He is doing fine. He never stops so this must be very frustrating for him to be laid up. Everyone keeps telling me that life will never feel the same with the loss of your child, but you will develop a "new normal" life. I find I am doing a bit better each week. I am dreading the holidays however. I can't imagine Christmas without JB. I haven't seen Emily yet this week, but will see her Saturday when we see the final proof for JB's headstone.
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Thursday October 19th: The entry below is from one year ago today!
WED OCT 19TH 2005: JB & Emily are off to New Zealand
and Australia with JB's grandparents (Pat & Jerry Barnes).
They will be back on Nov 10th
****They had such a wonderful time and I agan thank Grandpa Jerry & Grandma Pat for all the wonderful memories Emily will have, and me. JB had hung flags, pictures, and memorabelia around the computer room earilier this year. I will cherish it forever. He spoke of the trip for months with excitement! These are the happy memories we need to keep fresh in our heads when we are feeling down. He wouldn't want us to cry and be sad. I know I of all people need to remember this. Nick came up from Eugene last night to get his computer and a few things to take back to Eugene with him to his apartment on campus. Emily, Pat, and Nick & I will have dinner together tonight before Nick heads back. Blessings to all!
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Monday October 16th: I made it thru another week. I think of JB non stop, but the tears seem to be easier to control (most of the time). I did go with Emily this weekend and we picked out a beautiful headstone. It will only take about a month to get it made and put out on his grave. I have been struggling with where I want to go to church. I visited Rock Harbor in Sherwood and loved it. Brian Burman is the pastor. He is the one who married JB & Emily and did JB's memorial service. JB was very close to Brian and his family for many years now. I think I will be going to Rock Harbor from now on. Emily and her family go there, and I brought my cousin Holly to visit with me, and now her and her family have decided to go there as well. I have gotten alot of support from every one at First Baptist, and that is why this decision has been tough. I have gotten so many cards and emails from people I know, and alot that I don't know, telling me how wonderful my son was, and how he touched them in some way! I feel so proud to be his mom, and would give the world to tell him that just one more time. He knew how much I loved him. I told him often. Blessings to all - Lori
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Monday October 9th: We survived yet another week. I had girls night on Sat night at my house with some family and friends. It was fun. Emily and her mom came and joined us. I visited Emily's church in Sherwood yesterday. Rock Harbor with Pastor Brian Burman. I really really liked it. I went to the coast with my mom and her friend Naoma from Illionios last Fri. It was fun! I went and checked out Nick & Ian's apartment on campus while I was in Eugene. It was not to bad for college guys. I bet they cleaned up before I came!!! My step brother Brad is still in the hospital and had another surgery on his back on Thursday. My brother Grant is doing ok. He is taking it day by day I guess. He has lost alot of weight. We hope he is going to AA still. My sister and her husband just bought a house in Junction City. They still have Cameron (my brother's son) living with them. I had a pretty good week last week. I continue to take it day by day. Emily had another hard week. We stay in contact by phone or email almost daily. She looks sad, and I wish I could just take it all away for her. She really misses her best friend. I miss him too. I miss his laugh the most. He always had a smile and smart comment for me usually - all in fun of course! Emily and I are hoping to still be able to go on Saturday and pick out the headstone. It will be nice to have that part done. Have a great week, and thanks for keeping our family in your prayers.
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Monday October 2nd: I survived the weekend. I knew I would. Somedays it feels like you won't be able to go on another day, and then you do. I had a hard week last week, but am trying to look at all the positives in my life and be greatful for all I have. I took some pretty flowers from my yard up to JB's grave on Friday night. I spoke with Nick today in Eugene, he seems to be doing fine. He is working alot. Emily emailed me today, and she is also sad and missing JB horribly. I think the last couple weeks have been very hard for us both, and we are both surprised I think at how hard it has been. Thank you for your continued support and prayers. Lori
My uncle, Ike Gibson (my moms brother), passed away Sunday from lung cancer at the age of 67. There will be no service held.
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Thursday September 28th:
I haven't been writing much. I have felt like I should keep all my feeling inside and not let everyone know how much things are really bothering me...... and it's been tough. Alot of people say I'm a rock! I don't always feel like a rock believe me. I had such a good week or so, and then I crashed again. I had a horrible day yesterday. I couldn't keep from crying for the life of me. I did go to the bookstore and bought a book called "How to survive the loss of a child". I had one grievance class, but would like to find one at night to attend. I find that it is hard to talk to my friends, and cry in front of them. I feel like a burden if I do break down or want to talk. I know it is hard on them too. I want to be strong for everyone else. I have really put myself out there going to the bible study. I am finding I have alot of "why God" questions right now, and I'm not getting any answers. I don't understand why he took my baby away from me, and blame him for my pain right now. I feel as if someone has taken my arm from me, and I'm detached from life in someway! I wake in the morning and go to bed with such emptyness. I know this is all part of life and that I am not the only one going thru this, but it so feels like it. I went up to the cemetary last night. I find this so hard to do yet. I know someday it will be more peaceful for me. We still have not ordered the head stone, but Emily and I will do that very soon. It will have a vase for flowers. Emily is having a rough time as well. I know we can and will get thru this, but it will take a long long time. I'm adding a prayer corner message board. If you have something you want to share with us please do. I miss hearing from you all. It has been a quiet website. I will write more, as alot of you have requested to hear from us. I wish I could write well, I would write a book about the last 2 years. It has been a journey for us all! Thank you all for your continued support. I went to visit Brian "Penn" and his family on Tuesday. It was very nice to spend time with them. We shared stories of the boys growing up and being goofy! We miss you JB and will keep your stories going forever! Please keep my daughter-in-law in your prayers (JB's Emily) is hurting and really needs our support too. We both thank you!
Monday September 25th:
Hi everyone! Last week went pretty well. I started a womens bible study on Monday night, and met alot of nice ladies. I stayed with my cousins kids for a couple nights. My couisin Holly and her husband are in Mexico for a week. My sister and brother-in-law and nephew Cameron came up on Friday night. We went up to Emilys house for a nice BBQ dinner. It was nice to see everyone! Ranee & Tim bought JB's Honda for Cameron to drive in a little over a year. He is just 14 right now. They also took Nick a couch and bed to his new aparmtent in Eugene. He will be working for a while and hopes to start school at LCC next term. Emily spent Saturday with us all. It was so nice to have her around the house. It felt more like home with her there. It has been so quiet. I miss the kids coming in and out.
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Tuesday September 19th: Hello Everyone. I has been a hard month, but we are getting thru it together. Emily has beeen working, Nick has gone back to Eugene to work and go to school. The house is pretty quiet now. I started a bible study last night. There were a lot of nice women there, and I hope to make new friends in the group. I have been back to work for a few weeks now. I do miss my JB so much I can hardly stand it. I know Tessa misses him too. She is such a sweet dog, and I'm glad I have her. She is a lot of company, and gives lots of loves and kisses. Good bye for now!
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Tuesday September 12th: Things are going pretty well this week. Emily came by last night and joined Nick, Ian and I for dinner. We had pizza and shared wedding photos, and all shed a tear or two. We all agreed that it has been a hard week. I think it is just now really sinking into the kids (Nick & Emily) that JB is not coming home. They both had mentioned last week that they felt it had not sunk in yet. I know it is going to be a hard year for us all, with the holidays coming up. I am so happy that Emily still pops in and says hello and is comfortable with us all. She teases Nick that it's his job to take care of her since he's her brother-in-law now. She is a doll, and we love her alot! Tessa loves her too. She gets very excited when Emily comes over. Again we thank you for your support with the garage sale last weekend! Blessings from the Burrows.
Tuesday September 5th: It has been a month today since JB passed away. I started back to work today. It feels good to be back and with my friends. I have been staying busy. Working in the yard and trying to catch up in the house. Nick leaves in a couple weeks to go back to school in Eugene. Emily is doing well too. She started a new job last week, and seems to like it. I haven't seen alot of her, but I know her friends are keeping her busy, and I have been out of town. I hope to get up to her house this week to visit with her and her parents. I thank you all again for everything. I feel blessed to have made so many friends thru JB. I know you all are hurting as well. It has been a huge loss to all who loved him.
Saturday September 2nd: I have just returned from my trip to Vancouver Island BC, and had a good time. It was relaxing, and nice to see my friends again. The weather was great. I found it hard to come home. I know I have to deal with alot here at home yet. I have my first Grievence counseling on the 7th. I hope that it will help. I have found myself going thru all kinds of emotions. I listened to a CD that Compassionate Friends Sent me today. The CD had different people who lost children, from cancer, one mom lost 2 kids in an auto accident, and they tell their story, and how they got thru it. I keep telling everyone it will get easier, and it will go away one day, but truly.... I don't know when it will get easier, and it will never go away. I am finding that I can have a couple good days, and then days like today when I came home to all the reminders of JB after being gone for a week, and can't quit crying. I took his coats off the coat rack, and cried, I read his mail that is still coming in, and cried, I think about shutting his phone off, and cry. I find it hard to think about going thru his things, getting rid of his clothes, and changing his room, but know I will need to eventually. I will do it when I'm ready, however long that may take. I want to thank you all again for the continued support, cards, prayers, and contributions. I know our family will heal from this in time, but we will never forget our precious JB.
Friday August 25th:
I am getting ready to leave for Vancouver Island BC early in the morning! House and dog sitters are lined up and off I go for a weeks vacation, thanks again to my wonderful co-workers at Community Newspapers & Greenlight Classifieds, who held a root beer float fundraiser, and bought my ticket for me. I have a good friend to stay with while I'm there. I worked all week. It is nice to be back. I still find myself crying a couple times a day. My heart hurts, and I miss my son so much I can't hardly take it. I feel totally lost right now, and out of sorts. My house is so quiet. Tessa is still waiting for him to come home I think. I'm so glad I have her. She is a sweet girl. There is a story coming out in the Sunday Oregonian on JB. Save me copies if you get them. I won't see it until I come back. I again thank you all for the cards & cash donations, which are all going towards funeral expenses. It is hard to lose your loved one, then have such horrific expenses on top of that. I had no idea. We are going to have a couple fundraisers coming up soon. One is the garage sale at the church on Sat Sept 9th. See details under fundraisers at main menu. I am going to go pick up some wedding CD's when I return. For a copy of the 4 minute video please email me: lbsummer39@msn.com Some of you have already emailed me. They are $5 per copy. Go to the main menu to see the wedding video and pictures. I will see and write to you all soon when I return from Canada. I am meeting with the web master when I return, and hope to have lots of new photos of JB & Emily added in the next couple weeks. Again I thank each and every one of you for your continued prayers and support. I love you all! Lori
Wednesday August 23rd:
Hi Everyone! We made it thru JB's birthday on Monday. It was a hard day for Emily and us all, but we pulled thru together. After going up to the cemetary we went to Emilys house for a get together. We are going to be having a fundraiser garage sale to help with funeral expenses. It will be held on Sept 9th at the First Baptist Church from 9am-4pm. We are accepting donations for the sale. I fell guilty asking for so much when you all have gone above and beyond the call of duty to help our families the last few months, and almost 2 years. I feel so blessed to have such a support group in all of you. The Oregonian is doing a big story on JB Sunday the 27th. I won't see it until I return. I will be in Qualicum Beach, on Vancouver Island BC for a week. I leave on Sat - Thanks to my wonderful co-workers and friends who bought my plane ticket for me. We again send our thanks to you all for all your support! Blessings from the Burrows Family.
Sunday August 20th: Tomorrow would have been JB's 21st birthday. I am having alot harder time with this than I would like to admit. I am still not sleeping well. I have been having nightmares, and I just feel empty inside. It is so quiet at home, and I miss the kids coming in and out, and the poker parties, JB's laughter and smile. I just miss JB so much. Nick went with his new sister-in-law to Green Peter to go wake boarding this weekend with some friends of JB's. I haven't seen them yet today, but hope they have had a good time. It has been warm here, in the 90's. I am kind of sad. I know that this website will slow down now. It has been a wonderful way for me to communicate with all of you. I am meeting with the Wolfers to get Pay Pal set up for purchasing videos asap! I will also get more photos added this week. I have not had a chance to do this yet. I thank you all again for all the support, love, and prayers! I am going back to work tomorrow. I would like to take a bit more time, but can't afford to miss alot of work right now. I have missed alot with JB this last few months, and it has been a struggle, but that too will work out eventually. I wouldn't have changed a thing, except to have had more time with him. I wanted to be with JB as much as possible, and am so glad my work was so flexible and let me do what I had to do. They have been awesome! We will be doing some fundraisers soon to help with funeral expensis, and anything over and above will be donated to cancer research at OHSU. We are hoping to have some memorial braclets made. Checking into all the details now. We will post those when we have them. The Oregonian is doing a story on JB and I believe that will be published next Sunday the 27th. We will post the link.
Thursday August 17th: It has been a hard week for us all. I find myself feeling angry, and mad at the world right now. I cry alot, have bad dreams, and just want it all to go away. I find myself waiting for JB to come thru the door or call, then I get angry and sad when I realize he never will again. My heart hurts so much right now, that I sometimes don't know how I will get thru this. I know I'm not alone, and that this too will pass.
WED AUG 16TH: Some of you ask how you can help with JB's Bug. I would contact Scott in regards to this. He has worked closely with JB on the bug. I believe it just needs the seats put in which will need some custom welding, Emily's dad Chuck is doing the undercoating on the fenders?? Not too sure of all this, but Scott would know. I have had some suggestions and would love anymore you all may have. I am thinking of having someone pin stripe "JB's Dream", maybe with a cross or something, on the car. I have had suggestions for the plates too. "JBSBUG" or "JB
Wed August 16, 2006:
If any of you are interested in the 4 1/2 minute wedding video (see link at main menu coming soon.) I can get those ordered for you. They are $5 per CD - Shaka-brah is donating $4 from each sale to the JB Cancer Fund. The full wedding video will be available soon for $10.00 each, and Shaka-brah is donating $9 from each sale to the JB Cancer Fund. I will put a link at the main menu to place your order. I'm trying to set up a pay pal system. Thank you all for the kind notes, and JB stories here on the website. All those special words bring joy to me each day! Please keep them coming! I again can't thank you all enough. I have so many of you to thank, and it may take me months to get to you all, but I will thank you each and everyone in person. God bless you all! Lori
The Burrows & Cook families want to THANK each and everyone out there for all the love, support, & prayers that you have given JB & our families over the last 22 months of JB's Cancer Journey.
We thank the church family, friends, relatives, co-workers, and the community, for all the support and donations that helped make JB & Emily's dream wedding come true on August 5th.
We thank you all for coming to JB's Memorial Service, and thank those who helped make it so special as well.
WE THANK YOU, AND GOD BLESS YOU!!
Jeremy P. Burrows
Jeremy Patrick Burrows died Aug. 5, 2006, of cancer at his Newberg home. He was 20.
He was born Aug. 21, 1985, to Daniel and Lori Burrows of Newberg. He graduated in 2003 from Newberg High School, where he was a member of the baseball and wrestling teams. He was a member of the Newberg First Baptist Church, and was a staff assistant with middle school and high school programs.
He enjoyed the outdoors, dirt biking, wake boarding, snowboarding and restoring a classic Volkswagen Bug.
On Aug. 5, 2006, he married his childhood sweetheart, Emily Ann Cook of Newberg.
Survivors include: wife Emily of Newberg; parents Daniel and Lori of Newberg; brother Nicholas of Newberg; grandparents Pat and Jerry Barnes of Cheshire; grandmother Patricia Rybacki of Nevada; great-grandparents Lynn and Ethelma Barnes of Halsey; and great-grandmother Marcella Burrows of Tacoma, Wash.
A funeral service will be held at 2 p.m. Saturday at Newberg Christian Church. Burial will follow at Valley View Memorial Park in Newberg. Visitation hours will be from 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. Friday and 9 a.m. to 11 a.m. Saturday at Attrell’s Newberg Funeral Chapel, 207 N. Villa Road.
Memorial contributions may be made to the Jeremy Burrows Fund or the OHSU Cancer Research Fund, in care of Attrell’s.
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Monday August 14th, 2006: We are all doing ok. I think we are all up and down with our emotions right now. Pat, Nick & Emily & I have been in touch each day! I miss having her here. She is living at home with her parents right now. We all miss JB terribly. I thank you all for your cards, letters, and phone calls, and prayers. I feel so proud to be JB's mom, and so honored to know all of you thru him. I know how much he was loved by you all. Thank you, God bless you all, Lori
JB passed away Saturday August 5th, 2006, at 3:40pm, just a few hours after he married the love of his life, and best friend Emily!
Do you have a special story or memory of JB you want to share? See link at menu
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A Memorial for JB will be held on Saturday August 12th at 2pm at Newberg Christian Church, 2315 Villa Rd, in Newberg Oregon
Viewing Friday 9am-5:30pm and Sat 9am-11am at Attrells - Newberg Funeral Chapel, 207 Villa Rd, Newberg, Oregon 97132
We will gather for goodies, and fellowship at the church JB attended - Newberg First Baptist, after the Memorial and gravesite services.
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JB & EMILY WEDDING PHOTOS ONLINE
To view and order prints, please log on to the site below and click the red link for weddings & events.
www.fivegablesphotography.com
Enter date of event: 8/5/2006
and the password: jbemily
Pictures will be posted for 60 days
THANK YOU! Photosforfamilies@comcast.net
Phone:503-538-5354
LIVE WEDDING VIDEO LINK
www.shaka-brah.com/clients.html PASSWORD - Burrows
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Thursday August 9th:
WEDDING PHOTOS AND OTHER PHOTOS COMING TO THE WEBSITE SOON! It may take us a week or two to get it all rolling, but we will put alot more photos of this last year on the website, and wedding photos as well. We will all get thru this week together, and we pray for comfort on Saturday as we join in celebration of JB's life!
Wednesday August 8th: Something is weighing heavy on my mind and heart, and I feel I need to share with you all. I really struggled with taking JB on Saturday in the condition he was in. I didn't know he only had a few short hours to live, I thought days maybe, but not hours. I worried about how his appearance would effect others, and the children, but I also knew that JB & Emily wanted this more than anything in the world. He wanted to marry his Emily in front of all his friends and family, and to have a beautiful wedding day for us all to remember. I think it was obvious how much he loved her and wanted to marry her. He knew where he was, and what was going on, and had his mind about him until the end. He insisted on being there. I truly don't remember much of what happened that day, because I was so focused on JB, but I do believe in my heart that JB was not ready to go home because he had unfinished business, and that was to marry his childhood sweetheart Emily. It was Happy and Sad all in one. We lost a son and gained a lovely daughter-in-law all in a few short hours on Sat Aug 5th. A day we will never forget. We will miss you JB! We love you, and we know you are in heaven looking down on us and smiling, and saying please don't cry for me, but smile for I am with Jesus now! We will take good care of your dear Emily! I promise!
We all thank you for your love and support! God bless you all!
Monday August 7th. Words escape me at this time, but I have to thank each and everyone of you who helped put the wedding together in just a few short days, and put all your heart and sole into making it a wonderful day for JB & Emily. I can't begin to thank you all for the love, kindness, and caring you all have given our families at this difficult time. I know our hearts are breaking right now, and we will miss him so much! It was a sad and happy day all in one on Sat Aug 5th. We lost a son, but gained a daughter-in-law. We love Emily so much, and we know how much JB loved her. She will always be a part of our family, and our wonderful memories of JB. I know we are all hurting very much right now, and I know it will take time for us all to deal with the loss of our beloved JB, but we will have so many happy memories to keep us going each day, and his smile will live in us forever.
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Thank you all for continuing to support JB!
This web site will be a place to learn the latest about what's happening with JB, and to stay in touch. JB has Non-Hodgkins T-Cell Lymphoma. He was first diagnosed in Oct of 2004. JB was a year and a half into treatment when his tumor returned this April of 2006. JB was told in late July that the doctors can't do anymore to help him fight his cancer, and that he may only have weeks to live.
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DONATIONS: An account has been set up to help with expenses not covered by insurance, at Washington Mutual under the name of Holly Bartel for benefit of Jeremy Burrows - Account# 100-409573-2
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Want to send a card or letter?
A POST OFFICE BOX HAS BEEN SET UP FOR THE BURROWS FAMILY
1102 N. Springbrook Rd PMB169, Newberg, OR 97132
If you would like our physical address please email Lori LBsummer39@msn.com
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Friday August 4th: The website has been down so I am a bit behind. JB is getting worse very fast. I was up with him all night giving pain meds. He has had hospice out everyday. We are worried about tomorrow, but we just pray it all works out. We had rehersal this evening. The church is beautiful. Not a dry eye in the place, and we still have tomorrow to get thru. I am really have a much harder time with this today. I can't keep from crying. It is so hard to watch him struggle to breath. We don't know how long he will be with us, but think it will only be a matter of days now. It will be a busy weekend, so I may not get an update until Monday for you all! Hope you can all make it to the wedding tomorrow.
Wednesday August 2:
WEDDING PLANS HAVE CHANGED!!!!!!!!
We have moved the wedding up a weekend as JB is getting worse each day! His doctors today really encouraged this as they know how much these kids want to do get married. The wedding is now this Saturday August 5th at 1pm at the Christian Church. Please see the wedding page at the main menu for more details. We do now have a PO Box, and the address is shown above if you want to send well wishes to any of the family members. Whew!!!!! What a day!
I'm now starting to act like the nervous mother/mother-in-law to be. That feels funny to say! We have so much to do. We still need flowers for the front of the church. We have flowers for the wedding party. I will post more later. We have friends coming with dinner soon! JB is comfortable this evening since we got him home from his doctors visit, his blood counts were good today. He seems to be more relaxed and pain free this evening, thank the Lord.
P.S. Thank you all at Community Newspapers for the fabulous fundraiser I've been hearing about. I heard you all went out of your way and I love you all for the support. I also want to thank all those who have donated flowers, cake, the church, videos, pictures, decorations, time, effort, lots of love, and so much more for this wedding. There is so many people helping from church, friends, family, I can't list you all, but OUR ENTIRE FAMILY TRULY LOVES EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU! I know you love JB and Emily as much as we all do.
Tuesday August 1: JB had a rough night last night. He was in alot of pain. I slept in the recliner in the living room next to his bed, and was up with him alot. Hospice nurses came today and gave him a bath and checked in on him. He really did not wake much today at all. It was like night and day from how he was just last night. One of the nurses came back this evening to help me get his pain under control. I think this has been the hardest day for me. I can't stand to see him in pain. It truly breaks my heart, and makes me cry for him as he trys to get comfortable, and can't because that pain is so severe! We try foot rubs, and back rubs, but now his back is so sore and tender from the growing tumors that we can't hardly touch him now. The hospice nurses are very concerned about him being able to attend a wedding next weekend! He will be more tired each day they said, and will sleep most of the time now. It hurt me to break this news to Emily and her mom this evening. I had to go out and have another good cry in the back yard after that. I have had alot of those today. Even though JB is sleeping he can still hear us all, and we have to stay positive and upbeat no matter what. I think we have him comfortable for now. I pray he has a calm and peacful night. I have not heard any news today on my brother or Brads conditions, but should have an update soon.
update 11:21 pm on Monday July 31: JB had a another good day. He is in a bit more pain tonight than he has been over the last couple days, but he has been active. He has a lot of fluid draining from around his right lung as well. I think we may be in for a long night. The hospice nurse comes tomorrow and can increase his pain meds if he needs her to. He went to be fitted for his tux, and was able to help coordinate a wedding planning party tonight that we had a 7pm at J's Restaurant. We had over 25 wonderful people come at the drop of a hat and phone call, to help make this a very special day for JB & Emily on August 12th. We are so lucky to have you all! I think we can pull this whole thing off with all your help! JB was tired after the meeting, but was tickled at how well it went. My brother Grant is not doing well. All his major organs have shut down, and he is on life support at this time. My step brother Brad Barnes is still in ICU. I have not gotten an update on how he is today, but believe he is making small improvements each day.
Monday July 31: JB had a good night. He went with his dad and brother and was fitted for his tuxedo today. Emily had her dress on to be fitted, and looked beautiful. Pat said he couldn't look or he would cry! We are having a wedding planning get together this evening to coordinate all that needs done in the next week. I am working on setting up a wedding site here now. We do know that the wedding is on the 12th at 1pm at the Christian Church off Villa in Newberg. I will hopefully have a spot on the tool bar soon for you to click and sign up for the potluck, and to let us know how many of you will be coming. Everyone is invited! Watch for more details here soon!
Sunday July 30th: JB had a good day today. His aunt Ranee and uncle Tim, and cousin Cameron came back up from Eugene today, to take JB out to choose the perfect wedding ring for Emily, after he rested from church. His aunt Teresa, and uncle Brian on his dads side came down from Tacoma to visit today as well. JB has not gotten sick in a couple days, and food is staying down. He seems to have his pain under control as well. He has a little fanny pack that holds his machine for his IV pain medication. He is really having a hard time with his sight right now. He has had alot of drainage from his chest tubes today, but over all doing well. He even spoke up in front of the entire church this morning! I am always amazed at his strength, and courage. He is so loved by so many people. He had people yelling I love you JB from floats at the parade yesterday! He is so well known in our community, and touched by all who meet him. I am so proud to be his mom. I am so touched by all the kind people at his church First Baptist, who are so kind and caring for our family and our needs. I thank each and every one of you. We have family members, friends, my co-workers, and community coming together to help the kids have a wonderful wedding. We have had offers to help with the cake, the video tapping, and so much more! We hope to have details tomorrow on the time and place. The girls found the perfect brides maid dresses today, and guess what color they have on them.... yes it is pink! For all who may not know Emily very well, she is a pink aholic!! She has rubbed off on me and I now have a couple pink things around the house and in my closet. We did get word tonight that my step brother Brad Barnes, who had a bad ATV accident last night outside of Eugene, did not severe his spine as the doctors had originally thought, but severly bruise it. They hope he will walk again. He did puncture his lung, and has broken bones, and broken all the ribs on his right side. He is in ICU at Sacred Heart in Eugene. My brother Grant has been moved to ICU tonight in the same hospital. His major organs are not functioning, and he is not breathing on his own. They are going to do surgery tonight to see if there is internal bleeding. My brother Grant has been fighting alcoholism for many years now! Our family is being hit with alot of things right now. We ask that you keep Jerry and Pat Barnes in your prayers, as they each have sons in grave condition in the same hospital, and a sick grandson to deal with right now, and are really struggling with it all. I am tired, and going to bed. I love you all so much! Lori
Sunday July 30: JB has had a good weekend. He went to the parade and fireworks yesterday. We have an Old Fashioned Festival in our small town each year. He also made it to church this morning. He has a wheel chair and oxygen that we can take with us. He seems to have his pain under control and is eating more now. We got word this morning that my step brother Brad Barnes (JB's uncle) had a bad 4 wheel accident last night and is in serious condition in ICU in Eugene. We don't know if he will ever walk again. We also got a call this morning from the same hospital in Eugene letting us know my brother Grant is in stable condition with Pancreasitis. When it rains it pours I tell you! Thank you all for your support, prayers and kindness. I can't begin to say how greatful we are to have such a wonderful support group. A WEDDING NEWS PAGE WILL BE ADDED SOON FOR UPDATES!
Friday July 28, 2006: We are so excited to share our news with you. JB asked Chuck (Emilys Dad) if he could marry Emily last night, and he said yes. Then JB got down on one knee (hooked up with tubes and all) and asked Emily, and of course she said yes. It was cute, JB went with his aunt Ranee and Uncle Tim to pizza last week when he was in Eugene. He got a ring that said love from a game he was playing. He was going for a bouncy ball. He gave it to Emily last night. The real ring is to come soon. The nurses made a cute sign for his door, and made little hearts to hang from his bed to congratulate them both, as they blew bubbles around JBs bed. It was sweet. The wedding will be very soon. We will keep you all posted. JB had a good night last night. His lung doctors are here now and are putting smaller drain tubes on his sides to get ready to go home. Hospice is delivering a bed and wheel chair this morning at the house, and we are hoping to get JB home by 1pm to meet with hospice.
Thursday July 27, 2006: JB had a pretty good night. He slept well. They have drained over 4 liters of fluid from around his lungs. He has 9 tumors that they see in his chest and stomach. They are trying to get him home today, but he is not wanting to do that yet. He has so many tubes and IV's hooked up that he can hardly move. Unfortunately they will have to send him home with all this stuff, and we will have Hospice come into the home to help if he wants that. We are leaving that up to him. Emily and I have been sleeping up at Doernbecher's in JB's room with him. JB's aunt Ranee, and uncle Tim slept in the waiting room on couches last night. I did come home this morning to do laundry and grab more clothes. Grandma Pat is beside herself trying to get home. She is on an Alaskan Cruise right now. I'm glad she has close friends with her on the cruise to help her thru this until she can get home on Sunday. I think we are all doing ok. We have alot of church family and friends that are taking good care of us and our home while we are gone. This is the hardest most painful thing for anyone to go thru. I do well, then sneak off and have to do my crying. JB is such a rock. He keeps his faith, and does not give up! I feel the need to come up and volunteer at Doernbecher's in the future. I truly have been touched by all the wonderful staff and volunteers, and think I can be of help to others after going thru all this. JB had 27 people up yesterday to see him. He has so many friends, and is so loved by all who know him. Even the nurses have been crying with us and have been touched by JB over the last year and a half. The next few weeks are going to be tough for us all, and we do know that you all are praying for JB and for all of us around him. We thank you for continuing to keep us in your prayers. Please say a special prayer for Nick, JB's brother, for Pat JB's dad, and for Emilys family too. God Bless you all, and we thank you all for everything!
Tuesday July 25th: JB's cancer has returned. He has tumors in his lungs. He is having a hard time breathing and is on oxygen. The doctors will go in tomorrow and drain the fluid from the lungs and put a drain tube in his chest. The doctors say he may only have 2 weeks to live. We have had alot of family and church family here in his room tonight singing and praying for him. He has been on very strong pain meds, and was not awake much. There were close to 20 people in his room tonight. We are not sure if he will get to come home or not. The doctors said they will try to make him as comfortable as possible, which can be at home if he wants to come home. It is very hard to see him in so much pain.
Tuesday July 25th: JB was admitted to Doernbecher's last night. He has some fluid around his lungs again, and has been in alot of pain. He had been fishing over the weekend, and decided to spent the night at his grandmas, but needed help getting his car from Eugene to Newberg, as his pain was so severe. They did a chest xray last night, and are going to do a CT scan this morning to see what is causing the fluid. The chest xray did not show a tumor like before, so we really don't know yet what is going on. We pray that it is not the cancer returning, as there will be nothing more than can be done for JB. This is so hard for us all, including Emily. I have tried to be strong, but am crying as I write this. I did alot praying last night too.
Friday July 21, 2006: JB is feeling pretty good right now. He is going fishing this weekend out of Winchester Bay with our cousin Doug Elliott. He has every weekend between now and the 11th of August booked. He wants to get everything in he can while he feels well. We will be having a garage sale fundraiser at First Baptist Church on August 12th. Details coming soon. If you have donations please contact us. Thank you for keeping us all in your prayers.
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Tuesday July 18th: JB is continuing to feel good. He goes into the doctor Thursday to have blood work done. He has been playing frisby golf, working on his VW and just trying to enjoy himself. We are all continuing to pray that the cancer does not return in the next few weeks before his transplant. I have had a hard time sleeping and I know Emily probably has as well. JB continues to amaze us all thru this ordeal with his strength and faith. We just follow his lead!
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Wed July 12th: JB is feeling ok. The chemo and radiation are making him slow down a bit. I don't know how he handles it so well. After Friday the doctors are taking JB off all chemo and radiation until the week before transplant. He will be admitted on August 11th. This concerns us all, including the doctors since we know this is an aggressive cancer. However the doctors feel that he will need a break from the chemo for a couple weeks. PLEASE PRAY THAT THE CANCER DOES NOT RETURN IN THE NEXT COUPLE WEEKS, AND THAT JB CAN FEEL GOOD THIS NEXT COUPLE WEEKS BEFORE HIS TRANSPLANT. Thank you for keeping JB in your prayers!
Monday July 10th: JB is feeling pretty good right now. He was able to keep up with his cousins at our family reunion in Redmond Oregon at Eagle Crest Resort. He swam, played volleyball, played cards till early hours of the morning, and had a great time. He started a five day drug today at Doernbecher's call Nelarabine. I will give info below on this drug if you are interested. He had radiation as well today and will go up each day this week for chemo and radiation treatments. His chemo takes about an hour to do, and his radiation is only 5 minutes, but about 20 min over all for the appointment. We found out today that he will be admitted into the hospital on August 11th to start his bone marrow transplant process. He will have heavy chemo from the 11th thru the 16th of August. He will have total body radiation (TBI) on the 14th, 15th, and 16th of August, and then recieve his own stem cells/bone marrow on the 17th or 18th of August. He will then be done with chemo and radiation at that point. We continue to pray that this will TOTALLY KILL THE CANCER!!! He will be really sick during this. It totally wipes his body of everything good and bad and it will take alot of meds and his bone marrow to begin the healing process. He will have to have all new vacinations as well. He will be in the hospital for about a month maybe longer, and we pray he does well, and can come home sooner. I will be leaving my job for a few months to be his caregiver. It will be hard for us, but we will make it. We have alot of family and friends supporting us out there. We have had some very successful fundraisers, and hope to have more! Thank you all!!!!
Nelarabine
(nel AY re been)
Trade names: Arranonâ
Drug type: Nelarabine is an anti-cancer ("antineoplastic" or "cytotoxic") chemotherapy drug. This medication is classified as an "antimetabolite". (For more detail, see "How this drug works" section below.)What this drug is used for:
- Nelarabine is used to treat T-cell acute lymphoblastic leukemia (T-ALL) and T-cell lymphoblastic lymphoma (T-LBL) whose disease has not responded to or has relapsed following treatment with at least two chemotherapy regimens.
Note: If a drug has been approved for one use, physicians may elect to use this same drug for other problems if they believe it may be helpful.
How this drug is given:
- By intravenous (IV) infusion.
- The amount of nelarabine that you will receive depends on many factors, including your height and weight, your general health or other health problems, and the type of cancer or condition being treated. Your doctor will determine your dose and schedule.
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Tuesday July 4th: HAPPY 4TH OF JULY TO YOU ALL!
JB's counts were good today, so he headed up to Doernbecher's to get his stem cell collection done. If they do not get enough they will do it again tomorrow. We are all ready for our BBQ. JB will be home in time to see everyone. We have about 20 people coming today for Burgers and Dogs. Enjoy your day everyone!
Monday July 3rd: JB is having a good week. He is needing his blood counts to be at 15 million and he was at 5 million on Saturday, 8 million on Sunday, and 11 million today. So we are guessing tomorrow or Wednesday he will go in for his stem cell collection (bone marrow). It has taken his body a bit longer to bring the counts up then they thought. He has been on Filgrastim shots (3) a day for a couple weeks now. He did have radiation today, but no chemo this week. They want his white counts to continue to climb until they get his collection. He is as always an incredible young man. He was in the water wake boarding again this weekend, and was out and about. Tonight he is with his girlfriend Emily, and his brother Nick, and Kris and Chenelle at the Saint Paul Rodeo. Nick has never been. I had my first experience last year on the 4th of July. It has been warm here in Oregon. Over 100 last week, and in the 90's this week. We are having friends and family over for BBQ tomorrow. We hope you all have a great 4th of July! OUR PRAYER REQUEST TODAY is that JB's counts rise enough to get a good collection so he can get his bone marrow transplant. We of course continue to pray that a perfect match would be found for him if possible, and that the cancer continues to stay away. We continue to be blessed with all your cards, emails, and prayers thru this all. Thank you.
Friday June 30th: JB is actually out wake boarding today after radiation. We live about 1 mile from the Willamette River. He has spunk I tell you. He is hoping that the shots are going to bring his counts up enough to do his bone marrow harvest tomorrow. He will go to Newberg hospital and have blood drawn, then they send it up to Doernbecher's and they will call us if it's a go. It is 35 miles, and about a 45 minute drive up into Portland from where we live. We live west of Portland about an hour and fifteen minutes from the Beach for those of you who have never visited us before.
There was a wonderful article in the Portland Tribune regarding JB today. Click Here to read the front page article. There were more photos, but they don't show online. I am working on getting a bone marrow drive set up ASAP but it takes a few weeks. I am not going to give up. I am going to give you the info below if any of you are interested in helping or sponsoring a drive. This is how it will work. I am researching other avenues as well. I will need some help with this. Please call or email me if you can help put this drive together. We just need everyone to talk to every business and see what they will sponser to start. We need to spread the word. Thank you....Thank you, Lori
Donor Recruitment Drives
- The cost for volunteers to be tissue-typed and entered in the national Registry is currently $65. Often communities rally around a particular patient and want to help as much as possible. We need volunteer marrow donors and we also need contributions to pay tissue typing costs.
- If you need advice on how to approach companies, foundations and others for gifts, please contact Michael Peter, Chief Administrative Officer for The Marrow Foundation at mpeter@nmdp.org. Any funds that are collected can be deposited in a named fund with The Marrow Foundation. All contributions are 100% tax-deductible and will be reserved in a named fund at The Marrow Foundation.
- Once gifts have been collected at The Marrow Foundation, then we will work with you to contact your local donor center to set up a drive. Donor recruitment drives can be established within two - three weeks and can be held at different community sites or arrangements can be made for volunteers to go to the local donor center.
- Once we establish a drive date, then we must assure that enough funding is available to cover all those who may volunteer at the drive. In addition to the funds raised by you and/or your company, The Marrow Foundation will work with the donor center and with our own funding sources to match at least a portion of what is collected.
- After the funding has been secured and the date has been set with the donor center, you will work primarily with the donor center on the drive details. The accounting arrangements will be handled through The Marrow Foundation.
Fill out the Recruitment Drive Form to send information in for a Community and Family-Centered Donor Recruitment Drive. An example of the information needed to complete the form is listed below.
Example of information needed by The Marrow Foundation:
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Contact Person:
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John C. Smith
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Contact Address:
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123 Main Street
Anytown, USA 11111
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Contact Phone:
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(123) 555-1212
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Relation to Contact Person:
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Patient Mary C. Smith
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Location of Potential Drive:
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Town Hall
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Potential Date of Drive:
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December 15, 2003
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Anticipated # of Volunteers:
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300 (150 Caucasian)
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Anticipated Costs:
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$19,500 ($65.00 * 300)
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Existing Support:
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John and Mary Smith
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$1,000
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Local Grocery Store
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$500
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Knights of Columbus
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$2,000
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Individual Contributions
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$156
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Potential Support:
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Five Local Businesses
Anytown Community Foundation
More Individual Contributions
Potential Donor Center Funding from Federal Minority Donor Recruitment Grants
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Thursday June 29th: JB went this morning to do the harvesting of his bone marrows. Unfortunately his blood counts were to low and he was not able to do this. He will instead receive 2 units of blood today, resume the 3 shots every morning to build his cells, and have his blood work checked daily until the harvest can be done. It could be Sat, Sun, Mon, or Tue. Hopefully no later. They will no do chemo next week, but he will have radiation daily. They want his blood counts to improve. There will be a story in the Portland Tribune tomorrow about JB, and donor awareness. OUR PRAYER REQUEST: Please pray that JB continues to heal, and that the doctors will be able to successfully do his bone marrow harvest and soon! And..... hey... maybe a perfect match donor is still out there waiting to be found.
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Tuesday June 27th:
JB is doing pretty well this week. He had Chemo and radiation on Monday, and then radiation everyday this week. He will have his stem cell collection done on Thursday. It looks like his transplant will happen the end of July. We should be able to go to our family reunion on the 7th of July if he is feeling ok. He actually went wake boarding last night with friends from church. He feel on the couch exhausted and slept when he got home, but he did it!!!! His doctors said he could. He is meeting with the Portland Tribune Newspaper today at the hospital. They will be doing a story on JB. I will try to put a link to the website and or post the story here when it publishes.
ALSO ----- A BIG... BIG... BIG... BIG... BIG THANK YOU TO ALL WHO HELPED PUT THE FUNDRAISER GARAGE SALE TOGETHER IN CHESHIRE. THANKS TO ALL WHO PRICED ITEMS, DONATED ITEMS, WORKED DURING THE SALE, AND TO ALL WHO PURCHASE ITEMS AS WELL. OVER $1500 WAS RAISED TO HELP WHILE I'M OUT OF WORK CARING FOR JB.
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Sunday June 25th
JB came home this afternoon. We found out this weekend that they are not able to find a donor for him even after an international search of the register. The doctors have decided to do an Autologous Stem Cell Transplant (ASCT) - Procedure in which patients own stem cells from the bone marrow or peripheral blood are collected, stored, and reinfused following high dose chemotherapy and/or radiation thereapy.
JB has not had cancer in his bone marrow from day one thank heavens! I am going to give you all a run down of how this is done! Here goes!!!! This is just step one. I'll keep you posted. He has started the shots as of yesterday, and they expect to do the procedure below on Thursday or Friday of next week.
Harvesting stem cells from the bloodstream (apheresis) Most healthy adults between the ages of 18 and 60 can donate stem cells from their blood. Collecting or harvesting stem cells from your bloodstream is called apheresis.
Before the donation - For 4 or 5 days before you donate, you will get shots to help your bone marrow send more stem cells into your bloodstream. The medicine in the shots may cause bone and muscle aches, headaches, fatigue, and difficulty sleeping. These side effects usually go away 2 or 3 days later.
During the donation - Donations are done in a blood center or hospital. A nurse will stick a needle into a vein in your arm to take your blood. Your blood is sent through a machine that takes out the stem cells and saves them. Then your blood is sent back into you through a needle in your other arm. If the veins in your arm won't work, the doctor may put a catheter in your neck or chest instead. In that case, local anesthesia is used. The donation takes from 4 to 5 hours. You won't be able to move around during this time. It's not unusual to feel lightheaded, have chills, feel numbness around your lips, or have cramping in your hands during the donation.
The donation may need to be repeated the next day, depending on how many stem cells are needed.
After the donation - You will be able to go home after the donation and resume your normal activities. If the donation needs to be repeated and a catheter was used, you may need to stay overnight in the hospital.
Your bone marrow will make new stem cells to replace the ones you donated. In rare cases, a temporary anemia develops after a person donates stem cells by apheresis.
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Friday June 23rd:
JB was admitted this morning up at Doernbecher's (room #7 on the 10th floor). He has been feeling poorly. His blood counts were not even showing on the charts they were so low on Wed, requiring him to get 3 units of blood before we came home. He will receive platelets today. We had to keep a close eye on his temp, as he can get sick or infection real easy right now. It did go up and down yesterday, but not high enough that we had to take him in. He did have some friends stop by the house last night. He will probably spend the weekend in the hospital. He had to stop radiation until his blood counts rise a bit. Please continue to pray for a bone marrow match. JB has rare DNA we have discovered.
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Tuesday June 20th:
JB is feeling pretty poorly today. He will be getting a blood tranfusion today and tomorrow after his radiation appointments. He will be doing radiation for 17 days total. He goes Mon-Fri for that. The next couple weeks will be tough for him, he will not be feeling to good for a while. He will have to rest at home during this period, and try to eat and stay as healthy as he can. This is hard for him as he is very active normally. Please keep him in your prayers. We are still trying to find a bone marrow match. My work is trying to put together a test clinic. That will be announced as soon as we get word on the date. It will be held here at our Milwaukie location off Hwy 224 on Lake Rd
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Sunday June 18, 2006
JB is doing well. He had a fairly good weekend, and was able to get out a bit. He is not able to be in large groups right now because his blood counts are low and he can get sick easier. He missed church this morning. He has chemo up at Doernbecher's again tomorrow, and starts radiation. He may also get blood depending on his blood counts tomorrow. Nick (JB's brother) is home from college for the summer and is going to help get JB to appointments this week, since he is not working yet.
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THERE WILL BE A FUNDRAISER GARAGE SALE TO BENEFIT JB HELD IN CHESHIRE (OUTSIDE OF EUGENE/JUNCTION CITY) ON JUNE 24TH, 2006
AT MRS B'S CHRISTMAS TREE'S
WE NEED YOUR HELP!!!!!!
IF YOU LIVE IN THE EUGENE AREA AND WANT TO HELP BY DONATING YOUR GENTLY USED ITEMS, PLEASE CONTACT PAT BARNES AT 541-998-1313 TO ARRANGE DROP OFF
The Latest News On JB
Wednesday June 14th: JB is up at Doernbecher's today finalizing everything related to his radiation that starts on Monday. Tests show that the tumor has continued to shrink. He is still having pain in his left side. The doctor believes it is from the fluid around his left lung. I had an hour long telephone workshop today called Step One - Transplant Journey. That was interesting. Alot to take in however. Kelly from transplant called and they have 2 more international donors that they are testing right now.
Monday June 12th:
Happy Birthday Grandma (Pat Barnes) from JB & Nick. Love Lori, Tessa, Summer & Tigger too! We love you!!!
JB had chemo today up at Doernbecher's and will continue chemo at home thru Thursday. He will go back on Thursday for more blood work. His doctors want to start radiation next Monday. They don't feel they can get the tumor without the radiation at this point. They are giving him a light dose 5 days a week for 4-5 weeks. He will need a Heavy dose right before transplant. He has to be in remission for 1 week before he can have the transplant. PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY THAT A BONE MARROW MATCH IS FOUND SOON, AND FOR THE TUMOR TO GO COMPLETELY AWAY!
Sunday June 11th:
JB has been feeling pretty good. He is still gettting his strength back. He went to the church on Friday evening for an outdoor movie, and then had friends over last night to play games. He made it to church this morning as well. He will go back up to Doernbecher's tomorrow for more chemo and bloodwork. We are still awaiting a donor match.
Thursday June 8th: It has been a day I tell you. JB said he felt good this morning but was having some pain when he sneezed or coughed. The last couple times he has had pain the tumor has grown back. I called his doctors to give them a heads up before we got up to Doernbecher's. He was scheduled today for an xray , echocardiogram and chemo. After his chest xray today, one of his doctors Kathy came in and said "first the GOOD NEWS"... "JB's tumor has shrunk alot since his last xray"! Whew!!!! That was good news! Things can change so fast from day to day with this horrible disease, and emotions go the same way for our entire family. I know how hard it is for all of us, let alone JB.
I am so blessed to work with such wonderful, understanding people. They are all so good at giving hugs and encouragement when I have these difficult moments. The lovely ladies in the classified department are planning a BBQ and garage sale fundraiser for next Thursday! I can't thank you all enough for everything by the way!!!!! YOU ARE ALL VERY SPECIAL FRIENDS AND CO WORKERS!!!! THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME WHILE I'M OUT SO MUCH TOO!!!
If I can give any one piece of advice to you moms and dads, it would be to give your kids as many hugs and kisses as you can!!!! You never know what tomorrow will bring! THANK YOU FOR ALL THE PRAYERS - Lori
Tuesday June 6th:
JB got home yesterday. He will continue chemo at home. He will go back on Thursday for more tests and chemo. He is tired, but doing well. His grandma Pat is here from Eugene to help out for a couple days.
Sat June 3rd: Good News today! JB will not have to have surgery today! The early 4am (grumble grumble from JB's bed) xray of his lungs shows less fluid around his lungs! The doctors believe that the tumor is probably shrinking as well, but It is hard to see the tumor thru an xray. The doctor could also hear JB 's heart better this morning which made her believe the tumor has gone down! He is still on oxygen, but improving. We will take the small steps. His aunts from Tacoma on his dads side are coming on the train today to see him, so we are glad he didin't have to have surgery. It is a painful surgery going thru the chest. JB was able to unplug from his IV's and just had an oxygen tank on his wheelchair, and we strolled down one floor and out on the sky bridge between the VA hospital and the main hospital to watch the fire works over the river as we kick off our Portland Rose Festival again this year. All the ships will start coming in and we have the Starlight Parade tonight downtown as well. We are way up in the hills looking down onto the waterfront and city of Portland for those of you who don't know where Doernbecher's Childrens Hospital is. It is beautiful up here. It is part of Oregon Health & Science University (OHSU). Thank you for your prayers.
Friday June 2nd:
JB had another good night. The tumor is still stable and not doing much right now! We are praying that it starts to shrink and soon. There is fluid building up around his left lung. They are going to do another chest xray at 6am on Sat, and then probably have the surgery Sat afternoon to go in and drain the fluid. There are also 3 people being tested further for a bone marrow match. We should have results next week. As always JB is in good spirits. I have stayed up here with him. I did sneak to work for 2 hours today. Emily is here alot too! For all of you who don't know her.... she is a doll! She is very special to us all. Her and JB were like best friends for many years before they started dating. Her parents are very nice people as well, and continue to be very supportive to us all. This is hard for them as well.
This is a kid friendly hospital and they have beds for the parents, as most of the children here are from Newborn and up. There are a few teens but we think JB is the oldest. It is so sad to see these young little children so sick and fragile. It makes your heart hurt. They have computers in the rooms that swing around to the beds and video game entertainment systems that roll right into the rooms. There are play rooms and lots to keep the kids entertained. On Tuesday morning there were about 3 little ones ages 3 & 4 or 5 years old in little red wagons doing a parade and waving at us from the hall and banging on toys as a volunteer wheeled them around from room to room. The whole staff up here is awesome! They are a wonderful group, from the
housekeepers to the doctors.
Please pray for our doctors who continue to do such awesome work and that the fluid will drain from around JB's lungs. Thank you!
Thursday June 1: JB had a fairly good night. He did have to have extra oxygen and a chest xray at 4am this morning. He does not get alot of sleep up here. The tumor is stable - which is good. It has not grown. We know as of now that JB will be up here for a couple weeks. He will be starting radiation in the next week to 10 days. I would like to say he is out of the woods, but the next couple days are going to be touchy. We know that this nasty cancer is very aggressive, and our hopes are to see improvement in the next couple days. They have him prepared to go to ICU still if needed. We have not seen all the doctors yet today, but I will update the site this evening. Thank you for continuing to pray for JB.
Wed May 31:
JB rested fairly well last night. He had nurses and doctors in and out all night. His xrays are showing fluid building around his lungs and heart. He is on oxygen. The tumor is growing very fast. The hope is that the new chemo drug he is on will work very fast as well. The doctors are on the phone with other specialist around the country and discussing his case, as this is a rare cancer to treat. JB is in serious condition, and the next couple days are going to be tough for him. He may need to be moved to ICU today to be watched closer. He will have to have a transplant as soon as a match is found. This can only happen if the cancer is in remission again, which is what we pray for now. It will be sooner than August as orig planned. OUR PRAYER REQUEST: Please pray for the tumor to shrink. Pray that the fluid around his heart and lungs will go down, and that a transplant match is found immediately.
Tuesday May 30th:
JB found out today that his tumor has grown back. He is up at Doernbecher's in room one. He will have a CT scan to see how advanced the cancer is tonight. Please keep him in your prayers.
Tuesday May 30th:
JB had a good weekend. He will go in today for chemo, and for the next 4 days in a row as well. He will be up at Doernbecher's for each of theses treatments, and for about 4 hours each day. His Aunt Ranee, Uncle Tim and Cousin Cameron came up yesterday to visit. His aunt Ranee baked a double batch of chocolate chip cookies for him!!!! YUMMY!!!
Sat May 27th:
JB got home yesterday from the hospital. He went back early this morning with a fever. They gave him antiabiotics and fluids and sent him home. He wants to go to church tomorrow but can't risk getting sick. He is still running a fever. Not sure if he is getting moms cold or what is going on. He will have a weekend at home and go back on Tuesday to start his new chemo "Nelarabine". It is new to the doctors up at Doernbecher's too. They will have JB go up to the clinic a couple hours each day next week (Tue-Sat) and be given this chemo in IV form. Thank you for keeping JB in your prayers. He is doing fairly well considering his illness the last week.
Wed May 24th:
We found out JB does not have Pancreasitis after all. They have done some test to rule things out. Looks like he caught the same horrific bug that hit me (mom) this week. I have been sick at home since last Friday. It has not been a fun time. I feel bad that I gave it to him. I have been a Lysol queen and sprayed everything I have touched, and stayed in my room, but it didn't help. I'm glad that it is nothing serious but sad I exposed him to this yuk!!!! He will probably get home Friday. I hope to get back to work tomorrow.
JB went into emergency last night in alot of pain. He has Pancreasitis (sp) again. He was in the hospital last April for 3 weeks with it. We hope he won't need to stay as long this time. He is on Morphine and that has helped with the pain, he said he had a fairly good night. He is up at Doernbecher's room #3. Not sure yet how long he will be there yet.
Monday May 22nd:
JB had his CT scan this morning. The doctors had not gotten the official word, but felt confident that the cancer is gone and that JB is back in remission. Thank the Lord! Now we pray that a perfect bone marrow match comes along soon. JB is feeling poorly today. He had chemo, but I think he has gotten his moms cold/flue bug. I have been home sick since Friday.
Friday May 19th:
JB has had a great week. He continues to feel well. He has his big test on
Monday to see if the cancer is gone and will have chemo as well. He will be admitted into the hospital on Memorial Day to start a new chemo drug. They want to keep a close eye on him.
Monday May 15: We hope all you moms out there had a nice Mother's Day!
JB had chemo today and is continuing to do well. He may need blood platelets next week. He has to continue to be careful and stay healthy. His doctors said no dirt bike riding Memorial Day Weekend. He is also on blood thinner injections daily, and can't get hurt But get this.... his doctors said he could water ski this evening. For some of you that don't know JB so well, he is a water nut! He loves to wake board and ski. He usually is very very active! I'm sure he was in heaven this evening out there in this 90 degree weather. God is good.... God is good.......and he is an amazing kid I tell you!
We will be having another garage sale at the end of June down in Cheshire (outside of Eugene at Mrs's B's Christmas Trees) with several families involved, and several items are being donated and sold to help us with expenses during the transplant. This money will go into JB's account that is still set up at Washington Mutual. If you have nice garage sale items you want to donate, and live in the Eugene are, please email me and we can set you up with someone to drop things off for the sale.
AND FOR ALL WHO HELPED WITH OUR AWESOME BEAUTIFUL YARD .......
Guess what?!!! The grass is peaking thru the dirt.... excitement... excitment..!!!!!
Tessa has found every possible way to sneak under our make shift fence to walk thru the nice dirt and grass. Paw prints to prove it, and a dirty face!!!! Bad girl!!!
Our prayer request for you this week is that JB's CT scan on Monday the 22nd will be clear of cancer, and that a bone marrow doner will be found soon. Thank you all! Our prayers are continuing to be anwered.
LBSummer39@msn.com
Sat May 13th:
JB and I want to wish all you moms a Happy Mother's Day! We are in Eugene this weekend visiting with our family and my mom. JB is feeling well and went fishing with his cousin Cameron today while my sister Ranee, and her husband Tim and I helped decorate our moms deck and planted flower pots for her for her mother's day gift. Nick came over and had dinner and the boys are playing poker (Nick, JB & Cameron). We are so happy to see that JB is doing better than any of us expected. Our prayers are being answered by the minute. Thank you for keeping JB in your daily prayers!
Wed May 10th:
JB is still doing pretty good. He is a bit tired from the chemo, but overall doing very well. He had chemo on Monday, and will have it again next Monday. He is working on his VW with his dad trying to get it put back together while he feels good.
Sunday May 7th:
JB has has a good weekend. He was able to made it to church again today. He has chemo tomorrow morning again. He is doing so well. All those prayers are showing in him. Everyone has asked what they could do for us. JB suggested helping me (mom) with our yard so that we would have more family time on the weekends. I just bought a manufactured home with a very sad looking yard, and we have limited time before the bone marrow transplant. As always JB puts others before himself. I feel so blessed to be his mom. We had several people from church and family members help out on Sat.
A BIG THANK YOU TO: Holly, Scott, Ramone, MacKenzie, Chris, Nate, Colin, Joel, Ryan, Emily, Belinda, Barb, Rich, Sean, Tami, Brody.
We will post photos soon. What a transformation. I can't thank all of you enough. My yard is beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Truly!!!!! I couldn't have done it alone in a year if I tried, and they did it in a very long day. (Thank you Holly and Ramone for helping haul ALL THOSE PAVERS the night before too!). They all brought tools, hauled rock and dirt, and special thanks to Chris and Lyn for the loads of manure!!!!! Our grass will be grow like you've never seen before! We'll just have to keep the windows closed! Just kiddin!!!! It's so nice of you all to help us. I have the nicest yard in the park now! My neighbors will be green with envy, while we lounge in our nice new lawn! We love you all. Keep those prayers rolling!!!! They are working as we all can see in JB. God bless you all!
Thur May 4th: JB is continuing to do well. He had blood work done today and his blood counts have dropped in half from Monday, so he will have to really start watching for fever and infection from groups of people, or those who are sick. He felt well enough to go out on the boat with Scott today. He can't ski, but he drove the boat and enjoyed that almost as much. He can do light exercise only for now. He will have chemo again on Monday. So far he is doing well, and the doctors expected his blood counts to drop. They know the chemo is working that way! God is continuing to bless JB and I personally think he has angels on each shoulder! I know he is loved! Who couldn't love Those Big Brown Eyes!!! (of course that is mom speaking)......"smile"
Tue May 2nd:
JB had a great weekend. We thank all of you who came to the prayer service on Sunday evening! We thank all of you who couldn't come but continue to pray for JB. He had heavy chemo yesterday. It will start bringing him down this week the doctors expect. He went fishing today with Chris. He wants to get outside while he can. The doctors are doing an MRI on the 22nd of May to see if the cancer is gone! That will be a big day for us all. If things go the way we pray he will have his bone marrow transplant in August. That will give him part of the summer to have fun. The transplant will take him out of commission for almost 1 year. Our prayers are being answered daily as JB is doing better than we all expected this last week. We love you all and thank you for your support and friendship, as it keeps us going each day, and for that we are grateful.
God Bless you all! Lori
Sat April 29th: JB is continuing to do well. He is going to try to get to church tomorrow. He has chemo again on Monday. Please come to the prayer service for JB Sunday at 7pm at Newberg First Baptist Church on 2nd St off St Paul Hwy. Our prayers are for the cancer/tumor to continue to shrink and that a bone marrow doner is found soon.
Fri April 28:
JB gets to come home today. His tumor has shrunk! He will come back on Monday for chemo at the clinic. We found out that Nick his brother is not a match for bone marrow. That was a bummer! A match will be found off a national register. It is not a huge rush yet to find his match. We have to get him into remission first. Hopefully that will happen in the next 3 weeks. Thank you for your prayers. Visitors are welcome to come to the house if they are healthy. JB has to be careful right now. He will be able to come to church on Sunday if the weekend goes well.
Thur April 27:
JB is doing so well. The big test will be tomorrow when they do the xray of his chest. We are all praying that the tumor has shrunk. If it has JB can come home Friday to continue his treatment. He will have to be low key, and go back on Mon & Thur for chemo next week. He is in good spirits, and continues to pray that God will heal him of this horrible cancer. We will find out next week if his brother Nick is a match for the bone marrow transplant. JB's Aunt Ranee & Uncle Tim will be in town from Eugene tomorrow to visit. Tessa went to visit JB today. New pictures are in the photo album at the bottom of the page from this last week. JB has given his nurses a bad time as you will see, with silly string and water guns. JB says... the nurses started it!!! And they did actually! Now JB has friends bringing in amo!!!
Thank your for all your prayers.
Wed April 26:
JB had an uneventful night, which is good! He is slowing down and tired from the chemo. He will have a test done tomorrow or Friday to see if the tumor has shrunk. He is not in pain and that is good as well. The pain meds should decrease as the tumor shrinks. I am going to try and sneak Tessa up on Sat to see JB. She and he are missing one another terribly. There will be a worship service Sunday at 7pm at The First Baptist Church to pray for JB. Please come and join us!
Tue April 25:
JB Won! He got kicked out of ICU first thing this morning and is back in his suite on the 10th floor. He had a good night and didn't need oxegen. He has eaten breakfast and lunch today and is in good spirits. JB's brother Nick will be in town from school in Eugene tonight and has blood work done tomorrow morning to see if he is a match for JB's bone marrow transplant to come in the near future.
Monday April 24
JB was moved to ICU - ROOM #10 tonight to be watched closely. The tumor is pressing against his lungs and when he sleeps he has a harder time breathing. They started a very heavy heavy chemo tonight at 6pm. The chemo is really going to be a challenge for his body to take. They want to watch closely for infections. Our hopes and prayers are that he will return to the 10th floor in a couple days as the tumor shrinks.
He loves the room he was in on the 10th floor, (he calls it his suite because it is the biggest room on the floor), and he has tried almost everything including bribery to have the nurses hold it for him until he comes back from the ICU in a couple days. He told his nurse with a smile, that he hoped the ICU didn't mind his late night poker parties, and was sure they would send him back to the 10th floor after a few of those.
He is in good spirits and considering all this he is still smiling and joking and giving everyone a bad time, and eating like a horse (he knows once the chemo hits that eating is a struggle). JB knows this is serious stuff, but has put it in Gods hands, and never loses his faith. He smiles and keeps telling everyone he has the best doctor! We all know that's true!
Tonight he actually walked into the ICU dept. The nurses were saying "wow....we don't think we have ever had a patient walk into the ICU dept before! He said he had to keep his strength up to be able to go into the hall and use his cell phone now and then, and was then teased about being so popular. They said ICU patients don't have hall passes usually.... as they laughed with him.
Monday April 24th:
JB had a good night. He is going to be moved to ICU for a couple days because he has had a bit of a hard time breathing because of the tumor. His chemo starts today and we hope that will shrink the tumor to help with his breathing. He is allowed guests. He will be on the 8th floor we believe, but I'll try to post it if something changes. He will be moved sometime today. Thank your for your prayers.
Sat April 21st:
JB had a good night. He had surgery last night to remove a lymphnod in his neck and do a biopsy on the tissue, as well as a bone marrow biopsy on both hips and a spinal biopsy. We have not heard the results yet. His team of doctors will hopefully be in soon to let us know the plan of action. He is is good spirits. He is trying to get a group together to play poker tonight in the game room here at Doernbecher's before he starts feeling poorly from the chemo. I will keep you all posted daily on his progress. Thank you for keeping him in your prayers.
Thurs April 20th:
We got bad news today! JB's cancer has returned. The tumor is in the same place on his chest. He has been having shoulder pain this last week, and we brought him in to be checked. It was our worst fear! He has had several tests today. There is fluid around his heart this time, but not around his lungs. They say the tumor was also fast growing, and probably has only been there for a couple weeks. He has a bone marrow and spinal biopsy tomorrow (Friday)to see how advanced the cancer is. It has been a year and a half since his first diagnosis. There is a very big chance he will need a bone marrow transplant. His brother will be tested first to see if he will be a match. 1 in 5 chance. If he is not then a donor will be pulled from a list. JB is starting all over with his heavy chemo. He will be at Doernbecher's for a least a week. They want to watch the tumor closely and make sure his lungs stay clear. It was an emotional day for us all! The doctors are not giving us more than we can handle right now. They said we just need to take it day by day and they will help us thru this. They are a wonderful team of doctors and very compassionate. I will keep you all informed. Please keep JB in your prayers!
April 7th: JB is feeling much better. His counts were good enough to recieve chemo at Doernbecher's on Monday. He is still on half dose of chemo at home until his liver counts are better. He is dirt bike riding for the weekend with several friends. He has decided to start college back next fall. He missed alot of school this year and could not keep up with his classes. He is still restoring his VW Bug. Nick is off in Eugene at college (JB's ) older brother by 21 months. We have had 3 dogs at our house the last couple weeks. What a joy they are! Truly. Tessa is a sweet girl (our Schanuzer), Summer is a brat and continues to run the house (our Shih Tzu), & Tigger (Nick's dog the Pomeranian) has been visiting too. He is a sweet little boy. They keep us busy. That is our family update for now. Lori
March 29th: JB is still not feeling the best, but improving. He had blood work today again. He is still off all meds/chemo until his liver recovers more. He did have to shave his head again as all his hair is falling out again from the heavy chemo. Lucky for him bald is in.... and he looks good with no hair! He is going to be coaching a 14 year old baseball team in Newberg starting next week.
March 14th:
JB is still under the weather - he has been sick in bed for a week. He had his blood counts drawn today, and his liver counts are improving slowly. He goes back on Friday to have them checked again. The doctors have pulled him off all chemo meds. He did feel well enough today to go out for a bit with his youth pastor.
JB's not feeling so hot - please pray for him!!
March 9th: JB had chemo yesterday up at Doernbecher's. I think he does better than me during his spinal chemo treatment. They sedate him for this procedure. He has a little tap put into his spine and it draws fluid out, and then the doctors put chemo into the spine. Those needles are what gets me - I'm a bit white after this whole thing, but JB breezes thru it all. He is feeling poorly the last couple weeks. He had strep throat and had an allergic reaction to the meds. His liver counts are out of wack right now so they are cutting some of the chemo meds he takes at home. He will do blood work again next week and if those counts are better he will resume those meds. We hope he will get better this week and back to his old self once again. When he misses Wednesday night at church working with the youth group, you know he does not feel well. He loves being there with the kids and staff at First Baptist.
Thank you for your continued prayers and support. JB reads all your kind messages, and he promised me he will work on getting a note off to all of you soon!
March 8, 2006
Hi to all our friends and family. We haven't heard from any
of you on our message board lately! Please leave us your
email address in your messages so we can respond to you.
Please continue to keep JB in your prayers. He has not been
feeling so well the last couple weeks. We go to
Doernbecher's tomorrow for JB's spinal and chemo treatment.
He has had strep throat and has been on antibiotics (which
could be what is bothering him and his tummy - a combo of
chemo and the antibiotics)we hope that is all it is. You
have all been such a wonderful support system to JB and
myself - for that we continue to thank you! God bless you
all and thank you for continuing to pray for JB's good
health and healing.
Feb 22, 2006. JB has been fighting a bad cold, and has lost his voice. He went to the doctor on Tues, and had blood work and tests to check his blood counts. He is active with his church youth group still, and went up to Mt Hood with the group last weekend for a night of skiing. His nephew Cameron from Eugene was his guest.
JB and the Burrows family appreciates your phone calls, letters, and prayers for JB. This web site will be a place to learn the latest about what's happening with JB, and to stay in touch. JB has Non-Hodgkins T-Cell Lymphoma requiring chemotherapy for a total of 3 years.
February 8th: JB had chemo again today at Doernbecher's. He is doing real well. He is going to PCC part-time. God has continued to stand by JB and guide him thru this all, for that we are blessed!
FEBRUARY 2nd, 2006: We want to extend a SPECIAL THANK YOU to the Wolfer Family for providing this wonderful website: Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!!!!!
JAN 11th 2006: HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL! JB had chemo again today up at Doernbecher's. He has been fighting a horrible cold, but otherwise doing real well. He is starting to take a few classed up at PCC. (Portland Community College).
December 23rd: The Burrows Family wants to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! JB is continuing to do well. He starts college at PCC in January! God bless you all!
November 14th: JB & Emily returned from New Zealand & Australia along with grandparents Jerry & Pat on Friday the 11th. A great time was had by all! They went white water rafting, bungy jumping, snorkeling, fishing, and much more! Pictures will be posted under "Australia" within the next couple weeks for your viewing pleasure! :) JB will have a heavy chemo treatment on Wed the 16th.
NOVEMBER 4TH: JB sends Mom a post card from Australia that reads: Hi Mom, It is Tues the 25th here and we just went out on the reef. It was alot of fun! I'm having a great time. Well I hope you are doing ok and tessa as well. I still have yet to go fishing or bungy jumping, but I will. We did see some wild kangaroos'. That was kinda kool! I will see you soon, I love you. Love JB.
WED OCT 19TH: JB & Emily are off to New Zealand and Australia with JB's grandparents (Pat & Jerry Barnes). They will be back on Nov 10th.
FRIDAY Oct 14th: JB had chemo at Doernbecher's today. His counts are low and they are lowering his chemo dose that he takes at home each day. He is leaving for New Zealand and Australia with his grandparents and Emily his girlfriend on Wed the 19th. He will be gone for 25 days. What fun! He will have to watch his fever and if he runs 101 or more he will have to go into a hospital on his trip and be seen. We all pray that he remains healthy for this trip. He has been planning this for 6 months.
MONDAY SEPT 19TH: JB had chemo today. Another spinal chemo treatment as well. He went fishing out on the ocean this last weekend with his dad and cousin Doug at Charleston. He came home with lots of fish and fresh crab.
WEDNESDAY SEPT 7TH: JB is doing real well. He is continuing his chemo at home and once a month at Doernbecher's. We went fishing at O'del Lake this weekend with Cameron (JB's nephew) and our cousins Kim & Doug Elliott. JB will be working a few hours a month at Safari Sam's in Sherwood, helping with overnight events.
Monday August 22nd: JB had chemo today. He is doing real well. Emily put together a surprise birthday party for him Sunday evening! Thank you for continuing to keep JB in your prayers. God bless you all! The Burrows Family!
Tuesday August 16th: JB is doing great! He is turning 20 on Sunday August 21st. He has another treatment of chemo on Monday the 22nd.
Tuesday July 26th: JB had chemo again yesterday. He is doing real well. His hair is coming back in and he has gained all his weight back. He has been out skiing and camping with his youth group.
Friday July 8th: JB is doing real well. We have had his cousin Cameron with us all week. They have gone bowling, skiing, played Frisby golf, and had lots of fun. They are going camping and dirt bike riding up at the Trask Mtn over the weekend. JB has gained most of his weight back, and his hair is starting to grow back now. He looks great for all he has been thru. Thank you for continuing to keep JB in your prayers as he continues to fight his cancer. God Bless!
Monday June 27th: THANK YOU....THANK YOU......THANK YOU...... to all who helped with the fundraiser garage sale in Cheshire (outside of Eugene) this last weekend! Thank you to Great Uncle Carp & Aunt Shirley, Cousin Linda, friend Mary, Uncle Grant, Grandma Pat, Grandpa Jerry, Aunt Ranee, Uncle Tim, and anyone else we may have missed for all your help setting up and running our fabulous sale! We also want to thank all of you who donated items to the sale. It was a big success. Love to all from Lori and JB!!!
P.S. JB was well enough for chemo today. We hope he feels good for the long holiday weekend!
TUES June 21st: JB is still waiting for his blood counts to climb before he can get his next chemo treatment. He had to get blood on the 13th of June. He goes in on Mondays for blood work. He has not been able to get chemo for over 3 weeks now! (he doesn't mind a bit). He is going camping this weekend. The doctors are pretty sure he will get chemo on the 27th.
Wed June 8th: JB's counts were not good enough for chemo this week. He goes in Thursday for a re-check and possibly get blood. He goes back Monday for a chemo treatment if his counts are good. He did get an idea of what the next 3 years will hold. He will go up to Doernbecher's once a month for the next 2 1/2 years for the drug Vincristine (a chemo drug). 2 spinals (chemo injected into his spine) in the next three months, then one every three months for the next 2 1/2 years. Prednisone 5 days a month for the next 3 months. 6MP's (chemo - Methotrexate in pill form) for 2 1/2 years. Septra every weekend for 2 1/2 years. Good thing we have a big 3 ring binder provided by the cancer clinic that helps us track all the knowledge we have gained the last 8 months. We call it our "Chemo Bible". JB knows it by heart I'm sure! He is such a great sport. He has only complained one time in the last 8 months about going to a spinal chemo treatment. He keeps his faith and keeps on smiling! (most of the time). I have never seen anyone go thru so much and stay so strong. With his positive attitude & faith he'll fight this nasty cancer and live a long happy life! JB is hoping to go to go to France with his grandparents in November for 2 weeks. He is also hoping to get into some winter classes at PCC if he can work that in with his chemo treatments.
Tuesday June 7th: I want to share a note we recieved from Don Knotts - a a special man who has been following JB's progress for the last 6 months. He honored JB and a girl named Emily on his ride in Tahoe on Sunday to raise money for the Leukemia-Lymphoma Society along with over 3,000 other cyclists for the cause.
Here is his note to us.
Hi Lori ~
The society raised over 7 million dollars this year, which made each mile worth about $70,000.
We had 2500 TNT riders with approx. 900 other riders doing this event in Tahoe.
I showed my team the picture of JB as we were having our pasta dinner on Saturday evening and let them know that I was riding for him as well as our honor patient Emily.
We are all very happy to do what we can for those that are in need of our help. The organization is a great thing and I'm very proud to be a part of it and do whatever I can for them and for the cause.
Take care and I'll work on getting more info. so I can send to you and once I get the pictures developed I'll send you some, especially a picture of the team.
Tell JB "hi" and to take care.
Don
Thursday June 2nd: JB is having a good week. He will finish his IV chemo for this week at home tonight! He goes in Friday for blood work and then back Monday for another Chemo treatment (similar to the one that threw him into the hospital a month ago, which he is not looking forward too) but needed to finish this phase, and move him closer to his maintenance program.
Tuesday May 24th: JB had chemo yesterday, and will continue chemo thru his IV at home for the next 3 days. He will do this again next Monday. This is a heavy dose of chemo for the next 2 weeks, but it is the last of the heavy stuff! Hooray for JB!!!!
Monday May 16th: JB was not able to get chemo today. His counts were too low. He goes back next Monday to try again. He only has 2 more heavy treatments and then he goes to a maintenance program! Hooray!!!!!
He is bummed he won't be able to go on his missionary trip to Mexico with his church in June. Maybe next year!
Friday May 13th: JB will have chemo again on Monday. He has been feeling pretty good this week. He still does not have alot of energy but is improving daily.
Friday May 6th: JB is doing well. He finishes his IV meds at home on Friday and a nurse will come Sat and remove his IV from his port. He goes back on Monday for blood work. His next chemo treatment is on the 16th.
Sat April 30: JB is finally home now after 16 days up at Doernbecher's. He has a nurse coming in to do blood work and check up on him. He is giving himself meds thru his IV at home. (He is good at it! Maybe he shoud become a doctor). He still has low sodium and potassium levels. The low potassium is causing him horrible leg cramps. He does have pain meds to help with that. Over all he is real happy to be home. He is eating alot more and has had some friends by to see him already. He goes back up to Doernbecher's Monday for more chemo. We hope this does not throw him backwards again, but he has missed 2 weeks of treatment and he has to continue the chemo to fight the Lymphoma. Thank you for all your prayers. It has been a real roller coaster ride the last couple weeks, but once again JB pulled thru and keeps marching on. God Bless you all!
Thur April 28: JB gets to come home earlier than we expected. He comes home Fri afternoon. He will have to have a nurse come in and help out over the weekend, and then he will go back Monday to the clinic for more chemo and checkup. His puppy Tessa will be real excited to see him that is for sure. (mom too!) :)
Wed April 27th: JB has made great improvements over night. Alot of his liver and counts are much better today! He will be getting platelets today. His color is back to normal and he is eating more today too. Small steps but considering how sick he has been this is great news. Prayers are once again being answered.
Tuesday April 26th: JB is going to be in the hospital for at least another week we were told today. He is having an MRI today. His liver and kidneys are still not working correctly. They are still trying to find out why and what is causing it. He has lost alot of weight and looks pretty frail right now. I encourage you all to call or go see him if you like. He would love that!
Monday April 25th: JB is making small improvements each day. He can eat and drink again today, and will be off the liquid IV diet. He is pleased by that. He is not well enough for chemo yet however. His kidneys and liver counts are out of wack now, but the doctors are working on that. We are not sure yet when he can come home.
Sun April April 24th: JB is improving daily. Hopefully he can come home this week. He still has low sodium levels and they seem puzzled by that. He can't drink liquids and is still being fed by IV. He will get chemo tomorrow. He was to ill to get chemo last Monday. Feel free to call and see if he is up to visitors. He will be honest and let you know how he is feeling. He is sad to miss Pastor Brians last service this morning at Newberg Baptist, but sends his Love!
Thur April 21: JB is making small improvements. He is starting to eat a small amount, but is still being fed by IV. His fever has gone down and he looks & seems to be feeling a bit better today!
Wed April 20th: JB had another cat scan last night and more tests today. He has a yeast infection inside his stomach and throat called "Candida" that he is being treated for. He also has another clot where his port is inserted in his chest. He will have to go back on Lovenox shots at home 2 times a day again for another 3-4 months. He was not happy at all about that. He will be getting another test to check for clots around his heart and lungs today as well. His white counts are still too low for company. He is running a low fever, and can get sick easily. They begin feeding him thru the IV today as well. If you want to get a note, card or balloon to JB feel free to drop it off with me and I'll be happy to deliver it for you. He can't have flowers on the 10th floor. My love to you all, Lori/JB's Mom
Tue April 19th: JB is still not doing well. He will be having a cat scan and other tests done today! He is taking medicine for the pain. I will keep you posted.
Mon April 18th: JB just got out of surgery and they found that he has a bad yeast infection (caused by the chemo meds) in his stomach and throat and everywhere in between. Poor guy! What a fighter he is. They will begin to treat this with meds and he will be given food by IV until this clears up. He will be here at Doernbecher's for a while. He is NOT able to have visitors at this point due to low counts.
Sun April 17th: JB is having a rough time. He will be seen by a Gastrointerologist today and may have a procedure done Monday. They will take a camera and look inside and hopefully find out what is going on. He has not had much food in over a week. The doctor has talked about feeding him thru IV. He is on several meds to help his stomach, but not much is working at this point. He has not wanted company, which is understandable since he feels so horrible. Thank you for continuing to keep JB in your prayers.
Fri April 15th: JB is still not feeling so hot. He will stay at Doernbecher's thru at least Sat. He is having problems keeping anything down. He is on some chemo that are playing havic with his stomach. JB wants to give his best to his aunt Ranee, and new uncle Tim on thier wedding day! He will be with you in spirit and prayer. God bless you both!
Thur April 14th: JB was admitted to Doernbecher's again today! He has been real sick this week and not able to keep anything down. They will keep him on IV fluids and keep a close watch on him tonight. He will not be able to be in the wedding Sat, but we hope he can come for a couple hours and attend if he gets released in time. Thank you for keeping him in your prayers.
Tue April 12th: JB had chemo Monday. He is not feeling so hot this week. He went Camping over the weekend and started feeling poorly Sat eve. We think he may have a flu bug. We hope he gets better soon. He will be an usher in his aunt's wedding in Eugene on Sat.
Mon April 4th: JB is back up at Doernbecher's for chemo today. He will be able to drive home and should have normal weekly activities with this phase of chemo. He has only 7 weeks left in phase 4 and then he goes into a maintenance program for the remaining 2 1/2 years. I know I'm excited for him, and I'm sure he is way excited about things winding down and becoming more normal again.
Wed Mar 30th: JB had a deep tissue chemo treatment. 3 nursed come in and give him the shots all at once in his legs.
Mon March 28: JB had a spinal chemo treatment today and some tests to check his heart. He had a wonderful spring break, which included some snow skiing! I want to continue to thank you all for your prayers and support of my wonderful son!
Thurs March 17: JB came home on Wed. He is doing well and hoping to go Snow skiing next week up at Bachelor. He will be at Grandma & Grandpa's time share at Eagle Crest.
Tues March 15th: JB is not able to come home today. His counts are still to high! He is feeling just ok this week. You are welcome to go visit him at Doernbecher's, he'd love to see ya!
Sat March 12th: JB is up at Doernbecher's. He is not feeling so hot today. Mom and Tessa will go pay him a visit Sunday after church. God Bless you all and again we thank you for your prayers!
Wed March 9th: JB is having an awesome week. He went wake boarding and played frisby golf this week. He goes back to Doernbecher's on Friday for the last week of treatment in phase 3 of chemo. We have been moving stuff to our new place in Newberg.
Thursday March 3rd: JB got home on Tuesday evening! He handled the chemo real well this week. He only has one more week of inpatient chemo and then he is done with phase 3. He is excited because we have decided to move back to Newberg from Sherwood. We will be renting a townhouse from The Rylands off Deborah Rd. We hope to be all moved by April 1st.
Monday Feb 28th: JB is doing well. He hopes to come home on Tuesday this week. He seems to be doing well and is eating food brought in to him. He is not real fond of the hospital food however! "Who is"
Thurs Feb 24th: JB has had a great week. He goes back to Doernbecher's tomorrow morning (Fri) and will be there for another 4-5 days for chemo.
Mon Feb 21st: JB had a great weekend. He even went with the church youth group up to the mountain to ski.
Wed Feb 16th: JB came home from the hospital this morning. He is 4 weeks into his Phase 3 of treatment now. He is doing real well after this last treatment. He was only in the hospital 5 days this time. (He was in 7 days after his first treatment) He didn't have the spinal chemo treatment this week, and that may have something to do with it. He goes back for the 3rd treatment on the 25th. (He will have another spinal chemo treatment that week again) He has 4 treatments in an 8 week period. 1/2 way there! I decided to ask Dr Nicholson a whole bunch of questions this week. So...we now know that JB will have about 6 months total of heavy chemo and then he will be on a downward swing. He will be on chemo in pill form (6MPs) for a total of 3 years. This is how phase 3 of chemo is going for him right now. He is admitted and given a spinal chemo treatment (fluid is drained from the spine thru a spinal tap, and then chemo is put into the spine). The fluid drained is tested to make sure none of the cancer has gotten into the spine. "So far so good". Then he is on a 24 IV flush of saline to clean out his kidneys and then given a 24 hour IV of chemo called Methotrexate. Then he is flushed out again for 24 hours. He can come home when the levels are safe, and his kidneys are working properly.
Monday Feb 14th: Happy Valentine's Day! JB is doing better this week. He is not getting as sick with this treatment. He hopes to come home tomorrow. He will then have this week off and back up at Doernbecher's on the 23rd.
Thursday Feb 10th: JB was not able to start chemo on Wed. They had no beds available. A nurse will be coming to hook him up to an IV this evening at home to start his fluids then he will be admitted in the morning for chemo and another 4-5 day stay.
Tuesday Feb 8th: JB goes back to Doernbecher's Wed to get another 4-5 day chemo treatment. He hopes to come home on Sat.
Thursday Feb 3rd: JB came home Wed evening from Doernbecher's. His new puppy Tessa was so happy to see him. He is feeling better, and hopes to enjoy the rest of the week. He goes back into the hospital next Wed the 9th for another 3-4 day stay.
Tuesday Feb 1st: JB is still in the hospital. He has not eaten since last Wed. His blood counts are better but not where they should be for him to safely come home yet. Please keep him in your prayers this week!
Monday Jan 31: JB is still up at Doernbecher's. His kidneys are not functioning just right yet after the chemo treatment, and they want to keep a close watch on him. He may get to come home on Tuesday!
Sat Jan 29th: JB was not able to come home today. Some of his counts are still high from the strong chemo. He may get to come home on Monday.
Thursday Jan 27th: JB is feeling pretty poorly today! He did perk up when his new puppy Tessa came to visit him at Doernbecher's today. He hopes to get to come on Sat.
Jan 26th: JB is off to Doernbecher's today for a 4 or 5 day stay! We'll keep you posted on how is handling this heavy chemo phase. Again Thank you for all your prayers!
A NOTE FROM JB: TUE Jan 25: I have had a great week. I felt good enough to get out on my dirtbike, and I did not hurt myself. God was and is my guide. I also got my new puppy Tessa, and I have been able to be out of the house and spend time with my friends. it has been a good week. Love you all.
Thur Jan 20th: JB is having a great week, he has had another week off of chemo. He picks up his new 10 wk old Schnauzer puppy "Tessa" on Sat. Now we need to figure out how to sneak her into the hospital next week to see him during his long stay.
MON JAN 17th: Jeremy is having another good week. He goes in on Wed for work and will start back on chemo pills. He will be admitted next Wed the 26th for a 3-4 day stay.
Mon Jan 10th: JB had to have 2 units of blood today at Doernbecher's.
JB will soon start "stage 3" of chemo. He will be admitted into the hospital on the 26th of Jan for a 4-day stay, and again every other week as well for inpatient treatments. This will last for 8 weeks.
Mon Jan 3rd: JB had chemo again today. He goes back to have counts checked on Thursday and may need transfusions again.
Fri Dec 30th: JB is feeling pretty puny this week. He has had strong chemo every day, and just keeping water alone down has been a chore for him.
Mon Dec 27th: JB's counts are up and he is having a full day of chemo today! He was a bit bummed because he has "Winter Youth" up in Vancouver this week. He hopes to be able to attend a couple hours if he can. Happy New Year!
Mon Dec 20th: JB's counts are to low again this week for chemo. He is feeling pretty good right now. (Because he has had no chemo for the last 3 weeks). We hope next week to get back on track. We wish you all a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Wed Dec 15: JB's counts are to low for chemo again this week. (But the good news - no transfusions this week - he's happy about that). Not having chemo last week helped JB to feel better and he was out and about some this week! We hope his counts are better next week so he can continue his chemo treatments and catch up.
ed Dec 8. JB has to have a full transfusion again today. His counts are real low this week and he will not be able to have chemo. He welcomes HEALTHY visitors to the house. He can't go out into the public with low counts because he is susceptible to infection.
Thur Dec 2: JB is back at Doernbecher's today to finish his transfusion and have his next spinal chemo treatment. He should start feeling better soon we hope!
Wed Dec 1: J.B. is having 10 hours of transfusions today at Doernbecher's. He has been feeling real sick this week, but should feel much better after having this done today! Thank you for keeping him in all your prayers!
Mon Nov 29: Please keep JB in your prayers this week. He is having a rough time. The heavy chemo is really wiping him out. If you would like to come by and see JB, just give him a ring! Everyone is welcome!
Thur Nov 25:
Happy Thanksgiving to all! JB had a full day of chemo on Wed. He is now starting the 2nd phase of treatment (stronger chemo including pills and injections at home as well as the clinic each week). He is tired, but over all doing well. He has started gaining back some of the 45 pounds he has lost in the last 6 weeks.
Tue Nov 23:
J.B.'s family wishes to thank all those who attended the Izzy's Pizza Fundraiser Monday Nov 22. We are greatful for your support & kindness. A special thank you to the owners and staff of Izzy's as well. We wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving! God Bless!
Mon Nov 15th: THANKS TO ALL OUR BALD FRIENDS!
We want to thank all of you who participated in the head shaving fundraiser! It was so wonderful to see all those bald heads in one church! You are all very special to us and we thank you again for all your support!
Fri Nov 12th: JB is off for more Chemo today. He has not felt so hot this week, but continues to keep his positive attitude. He is looking forward to seeing all of you this Sunday Nov 14th at First Baptist Church in Newberg for your head shavings!
Sat Nov 6th: JB had chemo Friday. He is feeling kind of tired this week but over all doing well.
Tuesday Nov 2: JB went for work and tests today! His tumor is totally dissolved! Thank you God!
Friday Oct 29th: JB is off for another Chemo treatment today, administered into his spine! He will be partially asleep for this treatment. He is doing great otherwise!
Wednesday, Oct 27th: JB goes to the Rage Middle School Youth Group he helps lead- he decided to shave his head before he loses his hair. Two of his friends joined him tonight so he would not be alone.
Monday Oct 25th: JB goes back to Doernbecher just to have a port placed in his chest - this will be used for Chemo and draws - it will stay in place for 6 months or more at a time. He is still home and doing well. JB felt well enough to go to church and bible study on Sunday!
Friday Oct 22: JB is in great spirits. He gets to go home after a chemo treatment today.
Monday October 18, noon: JB is moved out of ICU into a "normal" hospital room at Doernbecher Hospital. JB can now receive visitors in room 1 on floor 10.
Weekend October 16 & 17: tough battle for JB; moved into ICU.
Week of October 10: JB had just started Bible College in Cannon Beach Oregon. His first day in school he gets ill and goes to the Dr. with some pain in the ribs and shoulder. The hospital discovers a cancerous tumor in his chest, leading to the pain he has felt. He is transferred to Providence hospital in the Portland area, then to Doernbecher's.
JB passed away Saturday August 5th, 2006 - Just a few weeks before his 21st Birthday, and 2 hours after he married his childhood sweetheart Emily Cook.
He had Non-Hodgkins T-cell Lymphoma. He was first diagnosed in Oct of 2004, and was treated at Doernbecher's Children's Hospital in Portland Oregon
__________________AUG 21,1985 - AUG 5, 2006____________________
Sometimes, no matter how much faith we have, we lose people.
But you never forget them. And sometimes,
its those memories that give us faith to go on.
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Tuesday June 3rd. Things are going pretty good. I like my job, but am not sure if it is something I want to do forever. It is very stressful, and I am not doing so well with that end of things. I will keep plugging away however. We are having our RELAY FOR LIFE FUNDRAISER GARAGE SALE this Saturday June 7th, at 9am, at Holly's house, 1000 S. Springbrook Rd #87. We are asking for nice gently used items if you have any to donate. You can bring them to Holly's House Friday night and drop them off, otherwise come see us at the sale on Saturday and support our "J Bugs" Relay for life team. We still need volunteer walkers from 7pm Friday the 20th thru Sat morning. One hour relays, or you can do 1/2 hour as well, or 4 hours.....we don't care! Just come support the case.
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Sunday May 18th: It is hard to believe we are approaching 2 years since JB passed away. I drove the bug up to the cemetary today and visited and cleaned up around his head stone. I still see signs of his friends coming up to visit and some will leave nice notes and or trinkets behind. It has been almost a month since I have been up there. I just started a new job that has kept me busy on weekends training, but I had this weekend free. We are putting the bug in a car show in Woodburn at the drag strip on May 31st. A lot of my family will be coming up, and lots of JB's friends will come too I hope. It will be fun. It is an all bug event. I love my job at Avamere of Newberg so far. I have learned alot, and never get bored, and barely have time for lunch. I find myself amazed how fast the days go by. I am the Director of Business Services. It is a whole new job for me, and feel lucky that they are training me. I got a 50 cent raise after only 2 weeks on the job. That tickled me. Not much going on really. We are having a Fundraiser garage sale on June 7th, and more details will follow this week regarding the location of the sale. We are holding the sale to raise money for our Relay For Life Team Team The J Bugs, and taking donations as well.
April 24th: Hello - I start my new job on Monday at Avamere in Newberg, about 2.5 miles from home. Hooray!! I was driving 35 miles one way before. I will be the Director of Business Services/Business office Manger. I don't have experience in all aspects of the job, but they are willing to train me and send me to school for anything related to my job now, and then after 1 year on the job I get $6000 a year schooling up to $12,000 total to use as I like. It is a big job, and I'm a bit scared, but have no doubts that I can do it. I will learn so much. Avamere is an adult assisted living facility. It is nice and the people all seem kind and caring. There are 74 residents. Wish me luck! Relay for life is coming up soon. Let me know if you can walk the track for one hour on the evening of June 20th. lbsummer39@msn.com
Tuesday April 15th: Not much going on in my world. I am still looking for work. We have the bug in the shop getting all the final details done, including new wheels and tires. It is ready for our first car show. We will be putting it in a show at the end of the month in Hillsboro. I have been out on a few interviews, and still thinking of going back to school part-time. I miss JB, but as time goes by it is getting easier to deal with. I am team captain for our Relay for Life team "The J Bugs". I would love all of you to come and walk at the event, and or make a small contribution in the fight against cancer. The event is June 20-21 at Newberg High School. I am losing my step mom to cancer right now. She is in her final stages. We lost dad the year before JB. It has been a hard 5 years for us. We lost grandma to cancer in 2004, dad to a heart attack in 05, JB in 06, my good friend Bill Olson in 07, and now my step mom. I know this is all part of life, but it still sucks I say. Love to you all, and if any of JB's friends read this, come see or call me ok? I miss you all so much. Love Lori
Sat April 5th, 2008: Hello again. I am still looking for work. I have sent out a lot of resumes. I joined a community group that meets in Dundee. I am excited to get to know my new friends. The bug is in the shop getting new disk brakes on the front, and getting the last couple things done to complete it. We ordered new Empi wheels and tires for it, and it is ready for the big car show on May 31st at the Bug Event at Woodburn Drags. Come and join us for the fun! VW's everywhere. Please save a box of garage sale items for our fundraiser sale on May 31st as well. I will have friends and team mates running the sale that day so I won't miss the bug event. It is a bummer that they are on the same day. There are only a couple events a year, and I don't want to miss it. Also if you want to make a cash donation to our team "The J Bugs" to help fight cancer, I can give you a reciept for your taxes. It is a great cause. Write more later. Lori
Saturday March 29th: Hello. I am still looking for work. I have had a bad flu bug this week, and not feeling to hot, but otherwise everything is going ok. Not much to update you on at this point. I really want to see some of JB's friends. I am so lonely without the old gang around. Nick is doing ok. He is working , and just hanging out. Pat was in an accident yesterday but is ok. The car and person he hit was not doing too well, but Pat did not have any damage to his car or himself luckly. I do need any donations you may all have for our Relay for life garage sale on May 31st. Just email me for info, and I can arrange pick up or see if you can deliver to the sale site that morning before 9am. I will write more later. Lori
Thursday March 20th: Hello to you all. I just returned from Washinton DC with the OFA (Outstanding Farmers of America) group. We took the last years OYF (Outstanding Young Farmers) winners. I am now the OFA Coordinator. I passed the test I guess. It was fun. We got to tour the capitol, and toured the USDA Head quarters. We actually had a personal visit with the Secretary of Agriculture. We visited all the monuments and had alot of fun. I am learning a lot about these four young couples and the way they farm and live. They are from all over the united states. I am still looking for full time work, and checking into going back to college now. I am still adjusting to JB being gone, but it is getting easier as time passes, and slowly life feels more like normal again. At times it seemed as I would never get thru all this, but I am. Tomorrow is Emilys 22nd birthday, and I think of her often even though she chooses not to see us since JB passed away. She will always be my daughter in law, and I hope someday she can get past this and we can communicate again. Her family is doing great and enjoying the new grand baby. Wish me well in finding a great new job. I still need a few good team mates for our Relay For Life Team (The J Bugs). Love Lori
March 7th, 2008: Hello to you all. I am still looking for work. I am hoping to find something closer to home. I have saved a bundle in gas alone since I have quit driving so far. I am going to go check into school this next week at Pioneer Pacific in Wilsonville. I would like to get my Associates Degree. I may have to go in the evenings to do this, and I can get it in 18 months if I go full time. I am not sure that I want to do that yet. I will check out my options. I am still trying to get team members for our relay for life team if you are interested. I also need some volunteers for the garage sale on May 31st here in Newberg. I would love any donated items you may have, and I also need help running the sale that day as it is the same day as the Bug Show and event at Woodburn Dragstrip. There are only 2 events a year for VW Fans, and I really want to show the car. So let me know if you may be able to work a few hours at the sale, and if you have items to donate let me know and I will come pick them up if you need me to. If all of you just put two boxes of items away for me we can have a huge sale and make money for the team, and raise money for cancer research. I will need volunteers to walk the track at the Relay For Life Event in June too, and I will put up a sign up sheet soon. I am doing good personally. I drive the bug each day I can, and even though I am not working, I have alot less stress. I really was not happy with my job, and I see that now. I miss my supervisors and co-workers alot however, and my buddy Ralph. Love to you all! Lori
RELAY FOR LIFE OF NEWBERG - JUNE 20-21, 2008
AT NEWBERG HIGH SCHOOL
Our team will be called "The J Bugs"
Relay For Life is: A gathering of friends and families, A time to celebrate cancer survivors, A time to remember those we've lost to caner, Your way to FIGHT BACK!
FUN! FUN! FUN!
Please email me if you can be part of the "J Bugs" team at LBSummer39@msn.com -
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Friday Feb 15, 2008: Hello everyone. I am still on the hunt for a job. I did start getting unemployment benefits, and am looking for something new and enjoyable. Pat put a stereo in the bug this week for me. We had it done at Stereo King here in town. They did an awesome job on it. We put the tuner in the glove box, and they made a custom box for it. We are real close to having it ready to show. I am heading to Eugene to help my step mom around her house this weekend. She has cancer. My sister and brother will be helping too. She is alone since my dad died 2 years ago. I have been working in the yard with this nice weather we have had. I will have my relay for life page up and ready soon, and hope a lot of you can help me with fundraisers and walk on the 20th of June at Newberg High School. I took balloons and flowers to JB yesterday. It is pretty up on the hill. I am making progress, as I don't cry everytime I go up there now. That sounds simple, but it is a big step for me on my emotional roller coaster of life right now. Leaving my job has been very helpful believe it or not. I was very unhappy and it was just getting worse. I feel a big stress relief just in that.
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Monday Jan 4th: Things have not gone my way lately. I lost my job a week ago after 8 years there. That was a shock. I was not happy there for a while now, but never thought I would be let go. I have worked in the newspaper business for over 15 years now. I do not have a clue as to what I will do. I just spent 5 days in Madision Wisconsin helping with the National Outstanding Young Farmers Awards Congress. That was fun. They are needing a new coordinators right now. It is only a part-time job or I would apply. I need full time work. I may not have 10 vacation days needed to do the job as alot of new employers only offer 1 week for new hires. I had 3 weeks before, which would have allowed for it. Someday life will get better I hope. I just get through one hurdle, and then another comes along. Everyone tells me God has a plan for me, but I am not so sure of that anymore. I am struggling to understand. I know something better will come along work wise, and I was very unhappy with my job the last few years in advertising. Newspapers are a dying breed. Why pay for advertising when you can do it free with Craigs's list and other free sites now available. If any of you have any good leads, email me at lbsummer39@msn.com. Thank you!!!
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Thursday Jan 24th, 2008: Hello to you all. Things are going ok. I have been worried about Nick, JB's brother. He is having a hard time since JB passed away, as expected. I am doing alot better then l was. My break downs are less frequent now. Certain things will set me off, and I find myself in tears now and then. I don't think that will ever change. I am going to be sponsering a Relay for life team this year in Newberg. I want to see as many of you out there on the track as possible. I will have info soon, and will post that and send out a newsletter. We will be called the "J Bugs". I will need help with fundraisers and events to raise money for our team. This is therapy for me I think. I love my little bug, and drive it as much as possible. It is comforting to me to drive it, and I take it up to the cemetary too. I only go up there a couple times a month now, as it is wet and muddy. I did see Emily at Scotts wedding but we didn't talk, except for hi. I'm sure that was tough for her as she has not been back to the church since JB passed away. I really don't know how she is doing personally. I don't see much of the old gang anymore. I do keep in touch with Scott, and he has been a wonderful friend to me and my family. We still have a couple things to finish up in one afternoon on JB's Bug before summer. I want to show it. Thre are a few VW clubs around Portland. Please send me an email if you want to be part of the Relay for life team this summer - lbsummer39@msn.com
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Thursday Jan 17th, 2008: I want to say congrats to Scott & Bekah Smits (Scott was JB's best friend). They got married on Sat the 12th, and are now off on a cruise. I hope to upload the wedding pictures that I have taken. They used JB's bug to get from the wedding to the reception. I was very tickled that JB could still be a part of the wedding in some way. It was a tearful & emotional weekend for me. I so wish JB could have been there with us. It was a fun day, and the bride was beautiful, and Scott was very handsome too. We hope they are having an awesome time on their honeymoon cruise.
I have been sick for the last couple weeks, and have missed some work with a bad cold. I am hoping for some sunny days in our near future to get outside and do a few things in my yard. I am having a few issues setting up a new "myspace account" for JB as I had put in my newsletter, but will let you know when I get that done. Love to all - Lori
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Wed Jan 2, 2008: Happy New Year too you all! I just got back from my trip to Vancouver Island BC. I enjoyed my visit with Bettyann and her family. We had a nice Christmas on Qualicum Beach in her big log home. We missed Bill, and shared memories and stories of him thru-out the week. We hope to have a great new year! We are looking forward to Scott & Bekah's wedding on the 12th, and are so excited for them. JB would be so happy for them both too. I'm sad he can't be here to share in this special event. We continue to keep him alive in our memories, and not one day goes by that we don't think of him. I miss him so much it makes my heart hurt still.
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Thursday December 20th: I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas! I am going to Eugene Friday as it is the start of my holiday vacation. I will spend the weekend with family, and then come home Sunday to have Christmas with Nick and Pat. Nick and Pat will head to Eugene Monday to spend Christmas Eve with my family. I will leave early Christmas morning with my cousins. My cousin Hollys husband Ramone is from Canada. They are going to go pick up his boys and bring them back to Oregon after they drop me at the ferry. When they get dropped back off at home on the 30th, Ramone will pick me up at the ferry and we will head home on New Years Eve. I will be on the ferry for 2 hours then Bettyann's son will pick me up on the island, and we will join her large family and have Christmas dinner after I get there. It will be fun. I miss JB horribly, but I know he is in all of our hearts this holiday season. We miss you and love you Jeremy!!!!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL!
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Wed Dec 12th: Merry Christmas too you all! It has been much easier for me to get ready for Christmas this year. I was in such a funk last year as expected, and didn't care if I had a tree, or presents under the tree. All I could do was morn for JB, and it took all my effort to get thru each day. I still have JB's stocking hanging up, and probably always will. I bought a Shrek ornament in his honor too. I want to go to Build-a-Bear and build a Shrek. It has been on my mind since I noticed it in the window at the mall. As many of you know JB loved Shrek, and had collected many Shrek items over the last couple years. I want to put him in the bug. I drove the bug up to the cemetary last weekend in the nice weather. Tessa tagged along too. I am spending the weekend before Christmas with my family, as I will be on Vancouver Island BC Canada with my friend Bettyann for Christmas this year. I am looking forward to getting away. I miss seeing JB's friends, as they are all off doing their own thing these days. I think of them all often, and may have to have a pocker party in JB's honor soon so we can get together again. Nick is still living with me, and doing well. He needs to find work, and get into college again soon. Gotta run! Happy Holidays!
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Tuesday Nov 27th: We had a nice Thanksgiving in Eugene. Nick and I celebrate our birthdays this week, and are planning a few fun outings with friends and family. I visited Rock Harbor Church last week, and Grace Baptist this week. I have not been going to church as much as I should, but it has been busy for us on the weekends. I hope you all survived the shopping madness if you ventured out last Friday. I am still planning on being with Bettyann on Vancouver Island BC this Christmas. Happy Holidays to you all!
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Thursday Nov 15th: Wow, the holidays are upon us. I am trying to get into the spirit. I don't seem to get excited about much these days. I know that will pass with more time. Nick is home, and has been working with Pat. I spent last weekend with my mom and Naoma at the beach in Florence. It was very nice to relax and enjoy the ocean. I miss driving the bug on nice days, as our rainy season is here. I hope you all have a nice Thanksgiving! We are spending it in Eugene with our family. Nick and I have birthdays coming up at the end of the month too, so we celebrate over the holiday.
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Friday Nov 2nd, 2007: I am excited as Nick will be home late tomorrow night from Idaho. He is a bit bummed that things didn't go the way he had hoped. I think he is a bit homesick too. I am hoping he will get back into college, and that thinks will fall into place for him. He is still struggling with JBs death. He holds alot inside I think. I have checked into getting him into grief counseling at the Dougy Center (provides peer support groups for grieving children). I don't think he will go however. It is time to order DOUGH FOR DOERNBECHER again this year. It is $5 for 5 pounds of sugar cookie dough. I sold over 40 lbs at work last year. All the proceeds go to Doernbecher Children's Hospital. You can order from me if you like, or at Rivermark Credit Union in Newberg/Portland area.
My thoughts are with the Olson Family in Canada - Vancouver BC, as they are holding a memorial service for Bill this weekend. I was able to attend the service here in Oregon. I am still planning to spend a week with Bettyann at Christmas this year. Take care everyone! Lori.
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Wed Oct 17: This week is going much better than last week. Thank heavens! I am excited that Nick is coming home at the end of November. Things didn't work out like he had planned in Idaho. I know he is frustrated, but I am happy to have him back home. I have been so lost with no kids around. I am heading to the coast with the dogs and a friend this weekend. It will be nice to get out of town. I am going to Eugene next weekend to stay with my nephew while my sister and brother in law go to the beach for the weekend. I went to a Community group with my cousin Holly last night and met others who go to Rock Harbor Church. It was nice to visit with pastor Brian and his wife, and to see Emilys sister and brother in law Jen & Doc there too. Have a good week everyone! It's rainy and wet and windy here in Oregon. Nothing new for us.
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Wednesday Oct 10th: It has been a tough week for me for some reason. I watched Extreme Home Makeover on Sunday night. It was about an 8 year old girl from Corvallis Oregon who has cancer, and is being treated at Doernbecher's. I cried and cried watching the show. It was the hardest TV show I have ever watched I think, as it brought back all the pain and memories of the last couple years. Every day I wake up and think about JB, and ask myself if this is real. I see JB's friends getting married, and planning families, and it makes me so sad. Don't get me wrong, I am very very excited for Scott & Bekah, and Kris and Chanelle to be married soon. I'm just sad as I won't get to enjoy watching JB with his children (my grandchildren). Nick is feeling the pressure I am sure. I keep thinking I will wake up from this bad dream. I keep alot to myself as I don't want to be depressing to my friends and co-workers. I have my melt downs at home usually, when I am alone. Somedays it is so tough to get thru work and my day as if life is normal. I have no desire to even decorate for the holidays. I would rather skip to January. I have been working with my doctor on my depression issues, and I am trying hard to get back to my "new normal" life again. I don't think it will ever be the same without JB. I am still struggling with my belief issues right now. I am questioning my faith, and asking Why God?? I grew up in a Baptist Church, and have always been a believer, even when I was not the perfect Christian, I still believed in him. I just wish I could understand why and be a believer again, and not doubt that there is a God. I know JB would not like me doubting his God! He wouldn't want me to hurt so much. I feel as if this is my diary. I can share my feelings and hurts. I know that my job is to make something positive come of all this, but I am not sure what that is yet. I will survive! I am thankful for my family, friends, and my son Nick, who are all very special to me.
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Wed Oct 3rd: My new roof is working well. It has been tested this week for sure with all the heavy rain we have had. I thank Grant and Tim for all the hard work. My cousins Ramone and Holly helped put a wall up on the carport to protect the bug from the weather too. Thank you all. Things are movng along. I dread the holidays for some reason with the boys not here. I miss JB horribly still. I miss seeing Nick too. He is working and doing well in Idaho so far. I hear Emily is doing fine. She has been dating a young man for almost a year now I guess. She still does not see me or my family since JB passed away. Needless to say, things don't always turn out the way we would like them too. I do still see her family at church now and then, and keep in contact with them. They are all excited about the new baby Jen & Doc are expecting next year. Happy Fall to you all!
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Tuesday Sept 25th: It has been a busy couple weeks for me. I have my brother Grant, and brother-in- law Tim, and a friend Jeff all coming up from Eugene, along with several volunteers to help put a new roof on my house this coming weekend. Pray for no rain! Grant and my nephew Cameron, and mom came up last weekend too, and helped me around the house. It was nice to get all the windows and things re sealed. I will soon be ready for a wet and wild winter with no roof worries. I miss the boys terribly. Nick is doing well in Idaho so far. All of you have a great rest of the week!
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Monday Sept 17th: Wow has this month flown by quickly. I miss Nick horribly. My house is way too quiet. I miss having the kids around. I got sad news on my good friends Bill & Bettyann Olson who recently just moved back to Vancouver Island B.C. from Sherwood Oregon. Bill died of a heart attack on Friday Sept 7th, at age 74. My family and I send our deepest condolences to the Olson family. I will miss Bill and his big smile, and his old worn out hat that I used to pin flowers on and decorate when he was not around. I will miss the teasing and big hugs he gave me each time we were together. His wife Bettyann was in route to the hospital when he had his attack at home. She was in the hospital for a week, and got out this last Friday. We love you Bettyann, and know this is a difficult time for you and your family. You are in our thoughts and prayers. We want you to get well soon. I am planning on spending Christmas with the Olson's this year. Christmas is a hard time for me not having the boys around. Take care everyone - Lori
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Friday September 7th: It has been a busy week. Nick is in Idaho now. He hopes to start working soon. Not much going on in my world right now. Just trying to keep busy. It is so hard not having kids in the house. Tessa won't leave me alone, and wants so much attention. She misses the kids too. I think now is the time for me to catch up on my crafts, and friends, and try to look forward and not back. August was a hard month for me with all the memories, anniversaries, and Nick planning on moving away. I still have my good days and bad days. I think I am doing better in my grieving process, but I still have days that I just cry and cry. I never know what may set me off. I love driving the bug on nice days. It brings me peace, and I feel close to JB when I drive it. We still have some things to do to get it finished, but it is real close. I hope you are all well, and please send me a note. I would love to hear from all of you. It is amazing but this site still gets over a thousand hits a week. Wow! I thank you for all your support and prayers, as I still struggle to get thru all this. Time heals all. Lori
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Friday August 31st: I hope you all have a safe and fun holiday weekend. Nick moves to Idaho on Sunday. I will be so lost without kids in the house. I need to find things to keep me busy. . Kids start back to school so I know you are all busy as this summer ends. Enjoy your Labor Day weekend! Lori
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Tuesday August 21st 2007: Today is JB's 2nd Birthday in Heaven! I miss him so much! Not one day goes by that I don't feel lost and alone without him. I always wish I could have just a few more hours with him. I have been a bit under the weather the last couple days. Nick leaves for Idaho this next weekend. Nick was home for the summer, and I enjoyed that! I have felt alot of anxiety with him making a big move like this. I have been a bit depressed , but I know this too will pass. I want to ask you all to keep a friend of mine in your prayers. Her name is Sam Olson of Yamhill Oregon, and she is 39, and fighting breast cancer that has spread to her brain. She has 4 young boys and a husband at home. She is the daughter in law to my good friends Bill and Bettyann Olson who just moved back to Canada. Keep your faith Sam, and miracles do happen everyday. Our thoughts are with you and your family. I have said this from day one..... CANCER SUCKS!!!
Happy Birthday JB, and we miss you more than words can say!
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Monday August 6th: I want to thank all of you who remembered me yesterday on JB's 1 year anniversary in heaven. I want to thank those of you who sent and brought by flowers and plants, and for the cards, phone calls, and text messages . It meant alot to me. Thank you to my sister Ranee, and her husband Tim and JB's good friend Gwen, and Pastor Brian Burman for your support at church yesterday too. It really means alot to me that you all care and remembered me on this difficult day. JB loved you all as much as you loved him, and I feel so blessed to have gotten to know alot of you thru him. I know it was a hard day for all of us. The car show on Saturday to benefit Doernbecher's Children's Hospital raised almost $4000. :-) It was a fun day, and many kind and generous people were there to show support. The bug was a hit. Thank you again for everything! We can and will move on but never forget our beloved JB. "Blessed be the name of the Lord"
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Wed August 1st: I am putting the bug in it's first car show on Sat Aug 4th. When I read the story about raising money for Doernbecher's, and helping Labri (a 12 year old girl from Lake Oswego with an inoperable brain tumor) I knew this would be the perfect time for the bugs first car show. Hope to see you there!
CARSHOW FOR THE KIDZ - Sat August 4th - McKenzie Pub parking lot. 16450 SW Langer Drive, Sherwood, Oregon - 10am-4pm. Come help support our local Children's Hospital and make a difference in a child's life. (all proceeds go to Doernbecher's Children's Hospital)
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Sunday July 29th: Thank you to all of you who helped get the "Love Bug" back on the road, and to all who helped with the parade. It was a great day, and I really enjoyed seeing everyone. It felt good to make good our promise to JB, and I felt all the love from you who joined us in making it happen. I have attached a link at the main menu to JB's Bug where you will find photos of the parade, and more. We got a ribbon too. Thank you all!!!!!
THANK YOU ALL WHO HELPED SUPPORT THE "j bugs Relay for life team" in Eugene this last Saturday as well. I hope to have pics/info posted soon.
P.S. thank you also for your prayers for my uncle Rich. He is doing better each day, but is still in the hospital up at St V's.
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Tuesday July 24th: We are just finishing up the final details to get ready for the parade Sat morning. I still have to wax the bug. If you are walking with us you need to be there by 9am. We are entry #44, and just let them know that at the gate off 8th St. If you need further details please email me lbsummer39@msn.com. Holly and our family are asking for your prayers once again, as my uncle Rich Oare (Holly's dad) is in a bad way up at St Vincents Hospital in Portland, after suffering a miassive heart attack on Sunday morning. He is in critical condition, and really needs our prayers right now. See you on Saturday, and we will be taking the flowers you all bring to JB's grave after the parade. I thank you all for your support as we remember our beloved JB this weekend.
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Monday July 16th: The Bug is home now!!!! I picked Gwen up yesterday morning in the bug and we went to Rock Harbor for church service. She said she loved hearing it come down the street again. It is fun to drive too. Very small inside. I got a call from Gloria Attrell at the funeral chapel on Saturday. She had read the article about the parade, and offered to put a tent up over JB's grave site the day of the parade. We will be taking flowers collected that day up afterwards. Several friends will be coming and joining us that day for the parade, BBQ and fireworks in the evening. It will be a bitter sweet day. I am looking forward to getting past the next few weeks. I have been in tears almost everytime I turn around lately. I know that is to be expected. It is frustrating at times when I can't just turn it off. I am still amazed I made it thru this last year. At times it felt like life would never go on again..... but it does and it has. Nick has been playing frisby golf with some of JB's friends this summer, so I have gotten to see them around the house a few times. (I love seeing them). I hope to see you all Sat August 28th. I know JB will be looking down on us and smiling at all the love and support from all of you! WE MISS YOU JB!!!! WE WILL ALWAYS KEEP YOU ALIVE IN OUR MEMORIES!!!!
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Monday July 9th: I am so excited!!!! We bring the bug home tonight, that is if Scott will let me after our test drive last night. Wow! Not the same as the modern stick shifts. I do need to practice. It was hard last night for Scott and I as we remembered JB, and shared a few tears. JB would be so proud of the wonderful job Scott has done, and all the long hours he has put into this project. The parade will be here before we know it. It is July 28th at 10am in Newberg. I got the driveway all cleaned up and ready for the arrival! I am crying as I type this. It is a happy but sad time. This month holds alot of memories as our one year anniversary of losing JB is approaching quickly. Not all good memories, but memories I will hold close to my heart, and never forget. I miss his smile, his laughter, his love for everyone he met, and those lives he touched. We hope to see you at the parade. Email me if you need directions. Blessings, Lori
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Thursday July 5th: We had a nice 4th of July. Nick and I spent the day in Vancouver Washington with long time friends of our family. Nick grew up with Trina and her daughter, and extended family. We have the bug so close to being done. Scott and I went for a test drive on Tuesday. It is insured now, and almost ready to roll. Scott has been doing alot of the work in the evenings to finish the bug! YOU ROCK SCOTT!! WE THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! JB would have been so proud. We are getting everything ready to roll in the parade on the 28th. If any of you would like to walk with us in JB's honor, please contact me or Scott. I have had several offer to bring candy, and that would be awesome. It will help alot. Wear yellow if possible. The Livestrong colors are yellow. JB never took his bracelet off that he recieved from a nurse when he was first diagnosed. Love to you all! Thanks for keeping our family in your thoughts and prayers. The next 4 weeks will be hard for me and my family. We have alot of memories from last year to get thru. Love Lori
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Thursday June 21st: We worked on the bug again this week, and now have one of the front seats recovered. We are almost done now. I am so excited. I will have to get used to driving a stick shift again. I am hoping to get the car into a couple car shows. It is so nice. Nick was able to help us this week too. He has been in Eugene, and missed alot of the get togethers. It is nice having him home again. We are going camping next weekend at the coast for a family wedding. It will be nice to have some one on one with him. He has been on the back burner this last couple years unfortunately with JB being sick. I want to make up for some of that before he moves to Idaho this fall.
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Friday June 15th: Hot off the press - A very nice story will appear in our town paper, The Newberg Graphic tomorrow. To read the story click on "JB in the news" at menu. I have it there. The photos are not there, but the story is. I am hoping to have JB's Bug pictures here on the site soon.
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Wed June 13th: We worked on the bug again Sat. We have another long day to go yet. There will be a nice story in the Newberg Graphic on Saturday regarding the bug. I will put it on the site here somewhere when it is published. Nick will be home tomorrow for the summer. I am looking forward to that. Emily's brother is getting married this weekend, and Holly and I are the coordinators and will be helping Friday at the rehersal, and Saturday is the wedding. Congratulations Amber Fuller and Kevin Cook
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Tuesday May 29th: It was very pretty up on the hill at Valley View Memorial yesterday. JB's grave site had alot of visitors and pretty flowers, Shrek trinkets, & all kinds of fun things sitting around. He would have approved. It feels comfortable and inviting to visit. It was so pretty up there with all the flowers & flags. It was a beautiful day. It was not as hard of a day as I thought it may be. I kept busy. Emily's brother is getting married in a few weeks and a bunch of us gals are heading off to the coast to celebrate and have fun on Saturday night with Amber (his new wife to be). It will be fun to get together.
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Monday May 14th: I hope all you moms had a nice Weekend. It was a hard day for me. I was so tickled when Gwen stopped with a rose and card, and Bryan stopped by with a balloon and card. (two of JB's best and oldest friends). That meant the world to me. Nick called me from Eugene too. He did come up on Saturday with my family for the day. We had a BBQ get together. I took some roses up to JB's grave yesterday. It was beautiful up there. I made it thru another tough day in my healing process. I am looking forward to working on the bug more. It is almost done. Hooray!!!
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Monday May 7th: We worked on the bug again this weekend. It is so exciting to get it almost finished. I want to thank all of you who have put so much love and hard work into this "love Bug". It truly is a work of love from all. Scott Smits has it at his house, and he has put so many hours into this. I want to thank Emily's brother Kevin and Emily's dad Chuck too for all the time and work they have done too. And Kris, and Steve (Scott's Dad for all the parts) too. I love you all so much, and JB would be so proud of you all! Thank you!
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Thursday May 3rd: Hello to you all. I am having a pretty good week. I went yesterday and ordered the special plates for the bug. I was able to get "JBS BUG". I was very tickled to find it was available. I also turned in the application to be in the parade. I know that alot of people stepped in to help our family over the last couple years, and I know that I have not thanked everyone in person. I don't even know alot of the people that helped raise funds and prayed for us while JB was sick. The whole community stepped in and it was so awesome. THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!! I find life very quiet right now. I miss having the kids around. I still feel very out of sorts, and lost most of the time. I sometimes wake up and think.... did this really happen? I know that I still have my son Nick (thank the Lord), and I know he must feel the pressure of being the only child now. It has to be hard on him too. He is still in Eugene. I will go down for Mother's Day and see my mom and family. I told Nick he has to have lots of grand kids for me. What pressure that is! "smile". I am trying to keep busy, and not get depressed, which is hard to do some days. Mother's Day will be hard for me this year. We are going to be working on the bug again this weekend. We are getting close to finishing it. I want to get some photos online when we get it done. Love to all, Lori
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Friday April 20th, 2007: Hello, We finished our Grief Group this week. I added a link called "Bereaved Parent's Wish List" on the menu to the left. It was helpful to me. I really want to talk about JB and I want to keep his memory alive. I am getting thru this one day at a time, and that is the best I can do. I will be adding a link to our Relay for life team soon too.
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Monday April 16th: We worked on the bug more yesterday, and had lots of help from JB's friends. It is looking so good. We have the back seats done, and started getting the carpet put in. I am looking for someone who wants to donate some love, and an hour of time. I want to have "Blessed be the name of the Lord" painted on the glove box. I paint, but don't have a steady hand for that sort of thing. Scot is cutting out a metal plate that fits onto the dash board, and I am going to have that engraved with JB's name. Pat and I have our last grief group meeting on Wed. We will bring pictures this week and share with others. I have gotten alot out of this group. The youth group at JB's church is going to walk in the parade with us on July 28th in honor of JB. Not much really else happening. It is quiet at work, and way to quiet at home. Nick is moving home with me in June for a few months, and hopes to get back into school this fall. He leaves Friday to be in a best friends wedding in Florida. That should be fun for him. I am still taking orders for T-shirts if anyone is interested. I have turned in the orders you have sent me so far, and I thank you all. All proceeds go to relay for life team "The J Bugs", and are $10 each. They have JB's picture and name on them.
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Thursday April 5th: It has been 8 months today since JB died. It does seem to be getting easier to accept, and the crying spells are fewer. I still never really know when or what may set me off. It's usually simple things like seeing his friends at church, or working on his bug, or just sitting and watching TV. Scot and Pat got the motor in the bug last Sat. We are real close to getting the carpet in, and then we start working on the seats. I am very excited to get it done. I think it will be nice to see it in the driveway and finished. JB would be so proud of Scot, Kevin, Chuck, Kris and everyone else who has put time into the bug to help get it finished. I thank you all for your continued support, and wish you all a Happy Easter. I will be going to the 11:00 service at JB's church - Grace Baptist on Sunday. (formerly First Baptist) Blessings to all! Lori
Thursday March 22nd: Pat and I went to our 4th grief group meeting sponsered by Doernbecher's. It went pretty well. It was focused on siblings and how they are dealing with the loss of a brother or sister. I am taking orders for JB T-shirts. It will have his photo on it and his name. Anyone who wants to walk in the parade in memory of JB, (JB's bug and Tessa will be the guests of honor) can wear them. We are keeping ours fresh for the parade. T-shirts are $10 dollars, and all proceeds go to the cancer related relay for life team "The J Bugs". Email me your size and how many to: LBSummer39@msn.com.
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Monday March 12th: We worked on the VW this weekend at Scot's house. JB's good friends Kris, Chanelle, Gwen, Amber & Kevin helped, along with Pat, Scot and myself. We got alot done. We still have a few Saturdays to go, but it is getting closer. The seat covers and door panels came in and I love them. It is exciting, and sad. I wish JB could see it. He would be proud of his friends helping out. I know it is therapy for us all. We do have T-shirts to order for $10 (all proceeds go to Relay for life). The shirts have a picture of JB on the front and his name. The team is called "The J Bugs", and will be held in Junciton City, and put together by my mom Pat, and friends and family. The Relay for life is the same weekend as the Old Fashioned Festival Parade in Newberg. I can't attend both. I promised JB we would drive the bug in his honor in this years parade. We will wear our T-shirts however that day, and the money from the shirts will go to Relay for Life. I will try to get a picture of the shirt online soon, and can take orders. Remember we want you to all join us in the parade in memory of JB. IT is a cancer awareness theme. Love to you all! Lori
Thursday March 8th: We had our 3rd grief group meeting last night. There are some really nice people there, and I hope to get to know them better. It was 27 years ago on March 6th, that I lost my fiance at the age of 19, and I was 18 at the time. He was leaving my house on his motorcycle, and had no helmet on (not required then), and hit gravel and his bike landed on his head. He was in a coma for several days before being taken off life support. I do relate with Emily in that way, as we both experienced such grief at a young age. My mom and family and friends are doing a Relay For Life Team in Eugene. The team name "The J Bugs". I will have more info as we get organized.
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Tuesday March 7th: Hard to believe it has been 7 months since JB left us. His dad and I went up to see him yesterday. It was a beautiful day here. I had some daffys in my yard and picked a few to take up. We have our 3rd grief group meeting tomorrow night. I found out I can get "JBS BUG" for the new plates for the bug. We are almost ready to put it all back together. Most of the parts we have had ordered are here now.
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Thursday Feb 22nd: Pat and I had our second grief support meeting last night. It was much easier than the first meeting. This week we went thru "components of grief" by J. William Worden. I am going to share a bit below, and hope it helps in some way to others going thru this same experience. I am excited to get the bug upholstery we ordered, and to finish the restoration JB started. It will be a comfort to have it in the driveway under cover and back home again. It has been in very good hands at one of JB's closest friends house. Scot is helping me do alot of the work - bless his heart! We are driving the bug in the Old fashioned Festival parade on July 28th, and invite the kids in youth group, and any of you who may want to participate. We are going to drive the bug in JB's honor, and it will be a cancer related theme, and any donations we recieve will go to OHSU cancer research. We are going to make memorial T-shirts in yellow to match the bug and the "Livestrong" theme that JB believed in. So please contact me if you want to participate. It will be just a few days shy of JB's 1 year in heaven when this event takes place. JB was there last year in his wheel chair, and his oxygen, it was his last real outing before he passed away. I miss him so much. I do sit and hold his beanie now and then, and sit in his room and listen to his favorite radio station that is still on in his room. I miss his smile, his humor, his friends, and his hugs.
Emotional Components of Grief:
Sadness
Anger
Typically have 2 sources: (1) A sense of frustration that there was nothing one could do to prevent the death. (2) Anger due to loss.
Guilt and Self-Reproach
Guilt over not seeking earlier medical care, guilt over not being "kind enough", guilt over how the death was experienced
Anxiety
Anxiety can be related to the guilt - Fear of losing another child or loved one
Loneliness
Overwhelming sense of loss and missing your child - Isolation
Fatigue
May feel like listlessness, tiredness, inability to do basic activities (both daily tasks and previously enjoyed activities)
Helplessness
Lack of control and inability to help your child
Shock
Difficulty in believing in the reality of the loss
Yearning
Emancipation
Loss of role as caretaker
Relief
Because your chld is no longer suffering - Mixed sense of relief because you no longer have cancer in your life but then guilt for also feeling this way
Numbness
Lack of feeling - May be a protection from a flood of feelings
Physical Components of Grief: Hollowness in the stomach, Tightness in the chest, tightness in the throat, over sensitivity to noise, Snse of depresonalization (nothing seems "real"), breathlessness, feeling short of breath, muscle weakness, lack of energy, dry mouth.
Cognitive Components of Grief:
Disbelief - Confusion - Difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness
Pre-occupation - Obsessive thoughts of your child or the death, thoughts of how to bring your child back
Sense of presence - thinking the loved one is still physically present, this coincides with the emotional component of yearning
Hallucinations - Visual and auditory, Usually happens with the first few weeks following the death.
Grieving Behaviors:
Sleep disturbances - appetite disturbances - absent minded behavior - social withdrawl - dreams of your child both normal and distressing dreams/nightmares - avoiding reminders of your child - searching and calling out - sighing - restless over activity'/hyperactivity - crying - visiting places or carrying objects that remind you of your child - treasuring objects that belong to your child.
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February 12th: We started our grief group last Wed. I found it very hard to go and talk at first, but felt more comfortable when we left, and look forward to the next meeting. It is a small group, 4 families, and 2 of them lost teanage sons to cancer also within a few months of JB. It was emotionally draining, but felt good to connect with other families, and to see that our grieving is normal, and our loses so fresh yet in our hearts. I could see the sadness in all the faces there. I had a hard weekend. I miss JB so much. It was nice to go to church Sunday and see all the loving faces of JB's dear friends, and church family. I had dinner with some of his friends last night, and feel so blessed that they include me, and keep in touch. It keeps me going. I still don't know when to end this site. I feel like it is a dairy, and a story of JB's journey the last couple years. It is a way for me to express my thoughts and feelings. I have been having alot of crying bouts, but that too is ok. If I could flip a switch and turn the pain off I would. I hate it when it consumes me and I feel so down, but I also am trying to find some kind of a new normal in life. It may take years for that, I don't know. I have been walking with Tessa, and have been on Weight Watchers, and trying to get healthy. 5.3 pounds this week. Yahoo!!!!!! Blessings to all!
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Monday Feb 5th: It has been 6 months since JB passed away. I know he is missed so much by so many. Pat and I start a grief class up at Doernbechers on Wed night. A group of JB's close friends are coming for dinner tonight at my house. We are finalizing the colors for the seats in JB's bug he was restoring. I can't seem to decide and thought I would get his friends input. It will be nice to see the kids. I sure miss having them around. I am trying to stay busy and keep my mind busy. It is hard, but I keep going. Not an hour goes by that I don't think of my JB. I miss him sooooo much!
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Tuesday Jan 30th: Happy Birthday to my step dad Jerry Barnes!
Things are going ok. Pat and I start a grief group with other parents from Doernbecher's. I think this will be very helpful, as we all have lost children. I still continue to struggle with my emotions daily and sometimes hourly. I still feel as if life will never be the same again, and I miss JB horribly. Nick is doing well in Eugene and is working. He hopes to get back into school soon. I don't know how Emily is doing. I have only seen her a couple times in the last several months, but hear she is keeping busy. Emily's sister Jen, Holly and myself are working on a bridal shower for Amber, who is engaged to Kevin (Emily's brother). We are looking forward to it! I would love to hear from you all! I have lots of time, and would love to see you too! Lbsummer39@msn.com
Doernbecher Children's Hospital Pediatric Hematology/Oncology - Living with Loss Grief Education & Support Group. Starts February 7th: The group has been a safe place to express feelings. There is a certain comfort in being in a group with others who have had similar experiences. It really helps to talk to another mother who has lost their child because it is so hard to relate to anyone else. It will be a safe place to share feelings and experiences, and to start the healing proccess.
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Monday Jan 22nd: We drove one of JB's bugs to Eugene Sat. Jerry (JB's grandpa) bought it. All the proceeds went to funeral expenses which I'm happy to say are below $1000 now. We started at over $10,000. Thanks to many wonderful friends, family members, JB's First Baptist Church family, and fundraisers!!!!! I thank you all again. Scott has JB's special bug that he was restoring at his house. We have to re-upholster the original seats. JB had bought seats out of a Jetta, but they won't fit in the car. The car needs to be done by July. Last July (just days before JB passed away) JB sat at the "Newberg Old Fashioned Festival" watching the parade in his wheel chair, and oxygen tank in tow, and I told him we would get his bug done and drive it in his honor this year. It is almost brand new in and out, with a beautiful pale yellow paint job. I want to get it pinstriped with his name. Maybe "JB's Dream". He loved his little bug. I talked about going to a grief group in Lafayette, but over the weekend I recieved a letter from Doernbecher's Children's Hospital that they are offering a group every other week thru April. I think that I will get alot out of this as we all have lost children to Cancer/major illness. I have my good friends Bill & Bettyann Olson staying with me from Canada this week. Blessings to you all! Lori
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Friday Jan 19th: T.G.I.F.! What a weather week we have had here in the Portland area. We have had lots of snow and freezing rain. I start a GriefShare group on the 30th, for 13 weeks. It is held at Lafayette Community Church. If any of you reading this want or need to join a grief group please email me and I'll get you the info on this Grief Recovery Support Group.
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Friday January 12th: I want to wish Ranee Werder (my sister - Jan 20), and Cameron Nickelson (my nephew - Jan 11) A Happy Birthday!
For some reason I've had a very hard week. I can't seem to stop thinking about JB and Emily. I miss them both so much. I have been in tears alot this week. I miss Nick too. I have called him several times this week. I'll get to see him and my family next weekend. I am going to go down and make my sister and Cameron a birthday dinner and have some of thier friends over for fun and movies. I have been thinking hard about getting a room mate. I would love to get a George Fox College student to live here. I love having the kids around. My house is way too quiet. I know Tessa and Summer would love it too. We have had snow and ice this week in parts of Portland. Only a sprinkle of snow here in Newberg. My mom however had over 5 inches a couple hours south of us. My step dad is continuing to get better, and is still on IV meds several times a day, and has a home health nurse coming in a couple days a week. Blessings to you all! I hope to see some of you at First Baptist on Sunday. Blessings - Lori
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Monday January 8, 2006: It has been 5 months since we lost JB. I am happy for the new year to be here. I guess I was hoping the pain & tears might be less now that 2006 is behind us, but I was wrong. The tears still come at the oddest & most unexpected times. I never know what will trigger me. I have been trying to keep busy with friends and family. I have been at the coast the last few weekends. We had a girls weekend in Seaside with my cousins from Eugene. I don't talk to Nick or Emily alot. I know they are busy and want to hang with their friends. I do think of them daily. Blessings to all, and Happy New Year!
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Tuesday January 2, 2007: Happy New Year to you all.
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Tuesday December 26th: Happy New Year to all! It was a busy holiday weekend for us. My son Nick and my nephew Cameron and his new puppy Sadie came on Friday. We had a nice weekend. My mom and step dad, & brother came up on Sunday evening, and my sister and her husband Tim came up from Eugene as well. We had a nice Christmas. We shared memories, and many tears. We took flowers up to the cemetary on Christmas. Emily came and visited us for a bit Christmas morning. We went to candlelight service at Rock Harbor in the morning on Christmas Eve, and I really wanted to go to JB's church at 4pm in the afternoon as well, but our family didn't arrive in time. We were all going to go. That is ok. I thought of all of his church family over the holidays, and remember how blessed JB was to have had them in his life. My step dad Jerry and mom Pat, bought JB's 1969 VW Bug. We will drive it down to Eugene for them soon. We are still working on his special 1970 bug, and hope to have it done by summer. I will keep this bug forever. I know I am looking forward to the new year. We pray it will bring us better health, and happiness, and peace. Blessings to you all! I am thankful for each and everyone of you!
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Friday December 15th: It was a year ago today that we lost our dad Ernie to a massive heart attack. We miss you dad! It has been a hard week for me again. I have good days, and bad. I am very lonesome with no kids in the house. I start to feel sorry for myself, and then realize that it could be worse. I have another wonderful son, and a wonderful family, a warm place to live, and food to eat, when so many do not! I know we are all struggling with the loss of JB as the holidays approach us! There are days that I don't make it an hour without tears, but I know I must go on. I am grateful for all JB's friends that continue to call, or stop by. I love you all! I know a group of you are going snowboarding this weekend. Take a run down the hill in honor of JB.
I have been reading "How to Survive the loss of a child", and thought I'd share a bit of what I've read.
HOLIDAYS: Unlike vacations, which you can choose, holidays come whether you want them or not. For bereaved parents, the family holidays - Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas - are extremely painful. These are the holidays in which your child participated. There is no getting around it: You will see your dead child everywhere and be poignantly reminded of holidays past. Because your child will constantly be in your mind and the minds of all the other family members, plan ahead. Get a family consensus about how to memorialize your child. The ritual needn't occupy the center of attention, but it will allow everyone the opportunity to grieve. Openly sharing memories, even if they are painful, will acknowledge the deep and unalterable love the family feels for the missing child. Holidays take a great deal of psychic energy, so don't overload yourself. Make sure there are times to rest. Order by catalog. The stores, filled with holiday spirit, are heartbreaking for those who are grieving a dearly loved person. Allow the whole family to help with holiday preparations. Assign tasks. This way, the remaining children will feel that they have been given the opportunity to be a closer part of the family. Express your feelings of sadness throughout the holidays and encourage the other family memebers to do the same. Knowing that you don't have to be stoic all the time releases you to find points of joy in the midst of the sorrow. And you can laugh if you aren't shackled with pent-up tension and guilt.
SEARCHING FOR MEANING IN LIFE: When a child has died, the question of meaning is always there in the back of our minds. The constant "why?" in the beginning is part of this. We are plagued by the need to find any answer that could explain this enormous mystery. Each parent asks "How could God allow my child to die and leave me here? What good am I? What is the meaning of life now that everything has changed? These questions cannot be answered easily or quickly. Not until we have gained some distance from the shock of loss, worked through the realization and acknowledgement of the death, and begun to accept the inevitalbe changes occuring can we start to answer questions concerning the meaning of life. As we gain spiritual strength from centering ourselves, we will also gain guidance in the directions to take. Then, as these directions begin to lead us to places where we can find satisfactions while renewing our confidence, we find our faith in the world slowly returning.
Grief is a long arduous process, painful beyond belief. Don't feel you must rush it or be disappointed if you don't move as fast as you think you "should". There is no right or wrong way to grieve, just your way. You are entiltled to as much time as you need. You are also entitled to your own mistakes. Without mistakes, I can guarantee there haven't been enough risks. And without risks, there is no growth.
Your courage and perseverance have gotten you to this point of new beginnings. The scar tissue is healing, and the severe pain has lessened tremendously. What grief has taught you is waiting to be practiced.
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Monday December 11th. On Friday night JB's friends Chris, Chanelle, Scott, Amber, and Emily's brother Kevin came to the house with dinner and cookie makings. Amber made lasagna. Yummy! We had a nice time. It was very sweet of them all. I went to Astoria with a girlfriend for the night on Saturday. It was a neat place. The Canery Pier Hotel. It was nice to get away. JB's headstone was put in this week. It looks very nice. Emily was pleased as well. I made it thru a big hurdle, and got my Christmas decorations out, and a tree put up. It was not as tough as I thought it would be. I did shed tears, but felt like JB was with me saying it's ok mom, you can do this. JB decorated the tree last year. He wanted a big tall tree since we had high ceilings. My step dad Jerry is making small steps in getting better. My sister Ranee came home from the hospital on Saturday. Lets pray we get thru the rest of the year with no more illness in the family. Blessings to you all - LORI
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Tuesday Dec 5th, 2006 - It has been 4 months now since we lost our JB! I have really been having a hard week. My house has been so quiet! This website, my emails, phone calls, everything has been quite. I really would not have made it wihout JB's church family the last year! I don't see or talk to you all alot, but you know who you are, and I love each and everyone of you at First Baptist, and Brian Burman and friends at Rock Harbor too!!! And of course my family and friends have been awesome! I know we will all get thru this holiday season, but it is going to be very hard and emotional for me personally. I'm greatful to work with such wonderful and understanding people, as I know I'll be challenging this holiday season. I am really, really looking forward to a new year! I MISS YOU SO MUCH MY HEART HURTS JB! I WILL LOVE YOU ALWAYS!!!
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December 4th, 2006: It is hard to believe the holidays are upon us. It has been a struggle for me to get my Christmas decorations out. I know there are alot of memories in Christmas ornaments, and things that the kids have made me over the years. A group of JB's friends called me last week to see if they can bring over a tree and decorate it and bake cookies with me this Friday night. It will be fun to have them over! Our family is still struggling with several things. My step dad Jerry has been in and out of the hospital for several weeks (9 total), and is not getting better. He has staff infection in his spine. He really needs our prayers. My sister Ranee went into the hospital on Friday night and is still there. She had a high fever, vomiting, and pain in her leg. I have not heard today how she is doing. She just returned from Mississippi building homes for Katrina victims. I think a black cloud is over our family right now. My step brother Brad is at home with full care. He is learning how to move and get around. My brother Grant has been pretty good. Thank the Lord. He has been helping mom at her tree shop while mom takes care of Jerry. Please keep our family in your prayers. I am so looking forward to the new year. This has been a year from Hell - truly! It has to get better. I hope to have happier news next time you read this message board. I really am ready for a Happy New Year! I visited First Baptist at the High School Sunday for a special blended service. I didn't get to see alot of you that I would have liked to, but think of you all often and I am so grateful for you all! Blessings, Lori!
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Monday November 27th: We had a nice Thanksgiving. It was sad for us all, and alot of tears. We all missed JB and felt sad that he was not with us. Emily and her mom and dad came down for the day on Friday. My step dad Jerry got out of the hospital on Sunday evening. He has been fighting infection in his spine, and been in alot of pain for over 6 weeks now. My sister and her husband Tim have been in Mississippi rebuilding homes from Hurricane Katrina, sponsored by my sisters employer - Warehauser. We missed having them at dinner too. They fly home to Portland tonight, then drive back to Eugene. We have had some snow today, so I hope they have a safe ride home. I decorated a live wreath in the shape of a cross, and put out at JB's grave yesterday. We are waiting for his headstone to be finished. I turn a big 45 tomorrow, and my oldest son Nick will be 23 on Wednesday. Blessings to all!
Happy Birthday Nick! We love you!
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Wed Nov 22nd: I want to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving. It will be hard not having JB at our table this year. We miss him so much. He always had a smile for everyone, and I have to keep that smile in my memory tomorrow, and always. Blessings to all! Lori
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Monday November 20th: Hello everyone! I has been another good week. My girlfriend Trina, and my cousin Holly and I spent Sat together. We had a good time shopping, laughing, and went to dinner. My birthday is at the end of the month, so we were celebrating early. I am actually looking forward to decorating for Christmas. I was not sure if I could do it this year. I am going to Eugene for Thanksgiving. I will cook dinner as my mom will be busy getting her shop "Mrs B's Christmas Tree's" ready to open. My step dad Jerry has been in the hospital again. He came home yesterday. Emily and her family will be coming down on Friday to see my parents and visit. Emily's dad has a birthday on Friday the 24th. Happy Birthday Chuck!!!! Nick has a couple days off and will be able to spend it with us in Eugene. He is doing well. Blessings to all! Lori
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November 12th, 2006:
Boy have we had some weather here in Oregon. I have been fighting some water coming in the house thru my skylight and around my window. I have a tarp on the roof until I can get some one out to fix it. I'm hoping this will be an easy and cheap fix. We are expecting a couple more inches of rain tonight and strong winds as well. I kind of feel like Dorthy in Kansas, and hope not to blow away tonight. They expect 60-65 mpg winds. Being an Oregonian I am used to the rain, we are not used to 3-4 inches in one day however. I went to church at Rock Harbor this morning with my cousin Holly and her kids, and Emily and her family were there. It was a nice service. Brian always keeps my attention. They sang "Blessed Be The Name Of The Lord" at church this morning, and that had a whole row of us crying I think. I find I am kind of dreading the holidays, but know this is normal. There is a blurb from the Compassionate Friends Flyer I just recieved below. Compassionate Friends is a group of people who have lost children to many different things, and at all ages. I have attended one class in Lafayette, and hope to attend more. They only meet the first Thursday of each month. I have been to some other groups as well. I would love to start a group of my own. If any of you out there feel a need, or have lost a child to cancer or otherwise, and would like to get together and visit, let me know. I find I am having a hard time talking about JB with strangers, or in groups. It hurts alot still. I need to talk about JB however, and share his memory, and in time I will find this easier to do. Scott & Chuck (One of JB's best friends and JB's father in law) worked on JB's 1970 VW bug this weekend. They got the undercoating done. I miss you Jeremy, my heart hurts so much. I know Dad, Nick & Emily miss you as much as I do. I know alot of your friends and family think of you daily, and miss your smile and laugh as much as we do. My tears won't seem to stop today, I wish I could just hold you and hug you one more time. You are always on my mind, and in my heart. I love you JB!
THAT'S NORMAL
If you think you are insane - that's normal.
If all you can do is cry - that's normal.
If you have trouble with the most minor decisions - that's normal.
If you can't taste your food nor have any semblance of an appetitie - that's normal.
If you have feelings of rage, denial, and depression - that's normal.
If you find yourself enjoying a funny moment and immediately feel guilty - that's normal.
If your friends dwindle away and you feel like you have the plague - tha's normal.
If you can share your story, your feelings, with an understanding listener - another bereaved parent - that's a beginning.
If you can get a glimmer of your child's life rather than his death - that's wonderful.
If you can remember your child with a smile - that's healing.
If you find your mirrors have become windows and you are able to reach out to other bereaved parents - that's growing.
Edith Frasier, TCF - Winnepeg
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ONE WISH
If I could have just one wish,
A dream that would come true,
I'd pray to God with all my heart,
For yesterday and you.
A thousand words can't bring you back,
I know because I've tried.
And neither will a thousand tears.
I know since thousands I have cried.
You left behind my broken heart
and happy memories too.....
But I never wanted memories
I only wanted YOU......
By Teri Stamos, The Compassionate Friends (TCF) Central Oregon.
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Sunday November 5th: It was 3 months ago today that we lost our precious JB. I miss him so much. I continue to have more good days. I'll start thinking wow... I've made it a week without a breakdown, then boom.... it hits once again. I was in tears most of Thur/Fri last week. Saturday was great however! Emily, Scott, Kris, Chanel, James, Emily, Gwen, Amber and Kevin all came over and brought pizzas, and we visited and shared pictures of JB. I loved it! My house has been way to quiet. I thank all of you who came over. JB was smiling down on you I'm sure, saying thanks for taking care of my mom! Emily seems more her old self to me, for which I'm greatful. It hurts my heart to see her so sad. It will take a long time for her to heal, but I have faith that we will all survive and move forward. JB would want that. I visited First Baptist yesterday. It was nice to see everyone. JB's headstone should be done in about 3 weeks. It will be made out of blue granite. I will put a picture here when we get one taken. Blessings to all!
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Wednesday November 1st:
Hi all! Hard to believe it has been almost 3 months since JB passed away. I missed him alot yesterday, as he loved Halloween. JB's dad Pat and I went and put a new cover over the VW to keep it safe from the weather. This is the 1970 VW JB was restoring. It's cute, and has a new pale yellow paint job. Scott and friends are helping get it put back together for me. Thank you to Mike Doran for letting us store it at his shop in Newberg. We still have a 1979 VW for sale if anyone is interested. Just send me an email, and I'll get you in touch with the right person to go see that bug. I have decided to go ahead and have Christmas at my house this year as we had planned before JB passed away. I didn't want to even decorate for the holidays a few weeks back, but I know JB wouldn't want that. Tessa - JB's Schnauzer, sure has been a blessing to me. She is such a love. I have a Shih Tzu as well, but Tessa is the queen of the castle now! Summer gets beat out of every toy in the house. Tessa just walks over and takes what she wants right out of Summers mouth. Summer is a very small 9 lbs, and Tessa is 20 or more. Pets can be good therapy. I have a counseling session this evening. I think I'm doing pretty good. Nick is doing well, and Emily too. Blessings to all! Happy Fall!
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Thursday October 26th: You can now order your 4 minute wedding video online. PayPal has been set up and the videos will be mailed to you. They are $5 each. If you have any problems with the PayPal please contact me and let me know.
Went to the coast with the gals from work last weekend, and was sick with the flu! Bad timing. We did have fun considering. I missed two days of work this week, but am feeling better now. We get our flu shots next week at work. Not soon enough I guess. My step brother Brad has come home now from a long almost 3 months in the hospital. I will keep praying for him to heal. Praying that he will walk again someday soon. He is a fighter. My step dad Jerry had back surgery yesterday in Eugene. He had two bulged disks. He is doing fine. He never stops so this must be very frustrating for him to be laid up. Everyone keeps telling me that life will never feel the same with the loss of your child, but you will develop a "new normal" life. I find I am doing a bit better each week. I am dreading the holidays however. I can't imagine Christmas without JB. I haven't seen Emily yet this week, but will see her Saturday when we see the final proof for JB's headstone.
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Thursday October 19th: The entry below is from one year ago today!
WED OCT 19TH 2005: JB & Emily are off to New Zealand
and Australia with JB's grandparents (Pat & Jerry Barnes).
They will be back on Nov 10th
****They had such a wonderful time and I agan thank Grandpa Jerry & Grandma Pat for all the wonderful memories Emily will have, and me. JB had hung flags, pictures, and memorabelia around the computer room earilier this year. I will cherish it forever. He spoke of the trip for months with excitement! These are the happy memories we need to keep fresh in our heads when we are feeling down. He wouldn't want us to cry and be sad. I know I of all people need to remember this. Nick came up from Eugene last night to get his computer and a few things to take back to Eugene with him to his apartment on campus. Emily, Pat, and Nick & I will have dinner together tonight before Nick heads back. Blessings to all!
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Monday October 16th: I made it thru another week. I think of JB non stop, but the tears seem to be easier to control (most of the time). I did go with Emily this weekend and we picked out a beautiful headstone. It will only take about a month to get it made and put out on his grave. I have been struggling with where I want to go to church. I visited Rock Harbor in Sherwood and loved it. Brian Burman is the pastor. He is the one who married JB & Emily and did JB's memorial service. JB was very close to Brian and his family for many years now. I think I will be going to Rock Harbor from now on. Emily and her family go there, and I brought my cousin Holly to visit with me, and now her and her family have decided to go there as well. I have gotten alot of support from every one at First Baptist, and that is why this decision has been tough. I have gotten so many cards and emails from people I know, and alot that I don't know, telling me how wonderful my son was, and how he touched them in some way! I feel so proud to be his mom, and would give the world to tell him that just one more time. He knew how much I loved him. I told him often. Blessings to all - Lori
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Monday October 9th: We survived yet another week. I had girls night on Sat night at my house with some family and friends. It was fun. Emily and her mom came and joined us. I visited Emily's church in Sherwood yesterday. Rock Harbor with Pastor Brian Burman. I really really liked it. I went to the coast with my mom and her friend Naoma from Illionios last Fri. It was fun! I went and checked out Nick & Ian's apartment on campus while I was in Eugene. It was not to bad for college guys. I bet they cleaned up before I came!!! My step brother Brad is still in the hospital and had another surgery on his back on Thursday. My brother Grant is doing ok. He is taking it day by day I guess. He has lost alot of weight. We hope he is going to AA still. My sister and her husband just bought a house in Junction City. They still have Cameron (my brother's son) living with them. I had a pretty good week last week. I continue to take it day by day. Emily had another hard week. We stay in contact by phone or email almost daily. She looks sad, and I wish I could just take it all away for her. She really misses her best friend. I miss him too. I miss his laugh the most. He always had a smile and smart comment for me usually - all in fun of course! Emily and I are hoping to still be able to go on Saturday and pick out the headstone. It will be nice to have that part done. Have a great week, and thanks for keeping our family in your prayers.
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Monday October 2nd: I survived the weekend. I knew I would. Somedays it feels like you won't be able to go on another day, and then you do. I had a hard week last week, but am trying to look at all the positives in my life and be greatful for all I have. I took some pretty flowers from my yard up to JB's grave on Friday night. I spoke with Nick today in Eugene, he seems to be doing fine. He is working alot. Emily emailed me today, and she is also sad and missing JB horribly. I think the last couple weeks have been very hard for us both, and we are both surprised I think at how hard it has been. Thank you for your continued support and prayers. Lori
My uncle, Ike Gibson (my moms brother), passed away Sunday from lung cancer at the age of 67. There will be no service held.
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Thursday September 28th:
I haven't been writing much. I have felt like I should keep all my feeling inside and not let everyone know how much things are really bothering me...... and it's been tough. Alot of people say I'm a rock! I don't always feel like a rock believe me. I had such a good week or so, and then I crashed again. I had a horrible day yesterday. I couldn't keep from crying for the life of me. I did go to the bookstore and bought a book called "How to survive the loss of a child". I had one grievance class, but would like to find one at night to attend. I find that it is hard to talk to my friends, and cry in front of them. I feel like a burden if I do break down or want to talk. I know it is hard on them too. I want to be strong for everyone else. I have really put myself out there going to the bible study. I am finding I have alot of "why God" questions right now, and I'm not getting any answers. I don't understand why he took my baby away from me, and blame him for my pain right now. I feel as if someone has taken my arm from me, and I'm detached from life in someway! I wake in the morning and go to bed with such emptyness. I know this is all part of life and that I am not the only one going thru this, but it so feels like it. I went up to the cemetary last night. I find this so hard to do yet. I know someday it will be more peaceful for me. We still have not ordered the head stone, but Emily and I will do that very soon. It will have a vase for flowers. Emily is having a rough time as well. I know we can and will get thru this, but it will take a long long time. I'm adding a prayer corner message board. If you have something you want to share with us please do. I miss hearing from you all. It has been a quiet website. I will write more, as alot of you have requested to hear from us. I wish I could write well, I would write a book about the last 2 years. It has been a journey for us all! Thank you all for your continued support. I went to visit Brian "Penn" and his family on Tuesday. It was very nice to spend time with them. We shared stories of the boys growing up and being goofy! We miss you JB and will keep your stories going forever! Please keep my daughter-in-law in your prayers (JB's Emily) is hurting and really needs our support too. We both thank you!
Monday September 25th:
Hi everyone! Last week went pretty well. I started a womens bible study on Monday night, and met alot of nice ladies. I stayed with my cousins kids for a couple nights. My couisin Holly and her husband are in Mexico for a week. My sister and brother-in-law and nephew Cameron came up on Friday night. We went up to Emilys house for a nice BBQ dinner. It was nice to see everyone! Ranee & Tim bought JB's Honda for Cameron to drive in a little over a year. He is just 14 right now. They also took Nick a couch and bed to his new aparmtent in Eugene. He will be working for a while and hopes to start school at LCC next term. Emily spent Saturday with us all. It was so nice to have her around the house. It felt more like home with her there. It has been so quiet. I miss the kids coming in and out.
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Tuesday September 19th: Hello Everyone. I has been a hard month, but we are getting thru it together. Emily has beeen working, Nick has gone back to Eugene to work and go to school. The house is pretty quiet now. I started a bible study last night. There were a lot of nice women there, and I hope to make new friends in the group. I have been back to work for a few weeks now. I do miss my JB so much I can hardly stand it. I know Tessa misses him too. She is such a sweet dog, and I'm glad I have her. She is a lot of company, and gives lots of loves and kisses. Good bye for now!
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The Garage Sale was FANTASTIC!!!
OVER $2000 RAISED thru sales and donations!
Thanks to all who came and purchased from the sale, and donated items & time & effort to help make it a big success! We truly thank you all for your support and help during this difficult time. We know why JB loved each and everyone of you so much! You are all so kind and generous.
A special thank you to Gwen Pilcher for organizing and putting the sale together.
Thank you * Thank you * Thank you
FUND-RAISER
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Do you have a special story or memory of JB you want to share? See link at menu
GARAGE
SALE
SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 9TH
FROM 9AM-4PM
AT FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH,
1619 EAST SECOND STREET IN NEWBERG
Tuesday May 22nd: It has been a hard couple weeks for me for some reason. It is hard to always put on a happy face each day. I don't think an hour goes by that I don't think of JB. I have had a hard time sleeping too. Life is so upside down for me. I know it has been 9 months, and I should be getting better at this grieving stuff. I so wish I could flip a switch and turn off the tears each night, and the pain I feel every day. Nick is moving home for a couple months, and I am looking forward to that. He is moving to Idaho in the fall probably, and wants that to be his new home. I may have to move closer to him someday. I think a change might be good. I'm not ready to leave Newberg for a while however. It would be hard to leave JB. I know this too will pass and everything will get easier to accept with time. I expect that alot of JB's friends will be up to the grave on Memorial Day. I think it is a healing process for us all. Have a safe and fun Memorial Day Weekend!
Wed June 6th: It has been 10 months since we lost JB. It still feels like just yesterday to me. We are working on the VW again this weekend. I had a small mix up with the DMV, and the special plates I ordered did not come. I went back to the DMV yesterday, and they hope to get me the plates for the bug by July 15th. I want them on the bug for the parade July 28th. I was able to get "JBS BUG". The Graphic is doing a story on the bug and the friends who have helped put it back together. (The Graphic is our newspaper in town). I have decided to go to a grief counselor for a couple visits - thanks to mom and friends encouraging me. I am finding it very challenging with Mother's Day, Memorial Day, and anniversary date of his death coming up soon. I still feel very lost and not sure what my purpose is or what my future will bring. I know this is all normal when you lose your child. Nick is still moving home for the summer, and I am looking forward to that. It will be hard when he moves to Idaho this fall. We had a great time at the coast. There were 20 of us gals all together - good times!
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